s/o restaurant behavior

melissa0726 · May 2013

For meals at home, or when visiting relatives....

What's your expectation for LO to stay at the table during meals? Especially once he or she has eaten and the meal is basically over? Do you have a time limit that you try to force him or her to "participate" in the meal, or do you let them get down and go as soon as behavior becomes undesirable/distracting for the other people trying to eat?

JaysonandKristin · May 2013

They sit as long as they're eating. Once they're done, they may be excused from the table -- there's no formal request to be dismissed or anything.

Most of our adult dinner conversation is better off without them being forced to stay at the table.

ohyeahdollface · May 2013

If we are at my sisters for dinner, she can get down when she's done. Mainly to I play with her cousins.

If we are home usually I give her a color book and crayons. Just so we can eat without wondering what she is up to in the other room.

melissa0726 · May 2013

JaysonandKristin:
They sit as long as they're eating. Once they're done, they may be excused from the table -- there's no formal request to be dismissed or anything.
Most of our adult dinner conversation is better off without them being forced to stay at the table.

This is my thinking, exactly.

I know that DD has about a 20 minute limit, from the time she is given her food, to the time she is ready to get out of her chair. I think that's pretty darn good for her age. At home, DH and I are generally done anyway, so we all get up and clean up together. If we are visiting family, I have no problem letting her get down to go play, if everyone is still hanging around the table talking. As long as she is within sight.

Twice recently, when she started getting antsy after about 20 minutes, my MIL made a remark to DD along the lines of, "I'm still eating, so you will have to wait to leave the table until I'm done." It was obvious she wasn't going to sit nicely any longer, so I just cleaned her up and let her go play. It just seemed silly to force her stay at the table for no good reason, at the expense of everyone else relaxing and finishing our meals. She was done eating.

JaysonandKristin · May 2013

melissa0726:
JaysonandKristin:
They sit as long as they're eating. Once they're done, they may be excused from the table -- there's no formal request to be dismissed or anything.
Most of our adult dinner conversation is better off without them being forced to stay at the table.
This is my thinking, exactly.
I know that DD has about a 20 minute limit, from the time she is given her food, to the time she is ready to get out of her chair. I think that's pretty darn good for her age. At home, DH and I are generally done anyway, so we all get up and clean up together. If we are visiting family, I have no problem letting her get down to go play, if everyone is still hanging around the table talking. As long as she is within sight.
Twice recently, when she started getting antsy after about 20 minutes, my MIL made a remark to DD along the lines of, "I'm still eating, so you will have to wait to leave the table until I'm done." It was obvious she wasn't going to sit nicely any longer, so I just cleaned her up and let her go play. It just seemed silly to force her stay at the table for no good reason, at the expense of everyone else relaxing and finishing our meals. She was done eating.

Table etiquette is NOT the hill I'm going to die on with a one and a half year old. No way. No how. We always remind our kids to use their manners, and use of them is always positively reinforced, but like I said... table etiquette is not a toddler aged concept, IMHO.

NotSharknado · May 2013

We are usually done before her, and the longer she stays put the better.

As for a relative's, when she's done we clean her up and let her down. I feel she's too young to make her stay put.

melissa0726 · May 2013

LalaMama81:
When DD2 is done eating we let her down, she has to tell us she's done. Obviously I wouldn't let her out of her seat at a restaurant.
DD1 does have to ask to be excused and the rule is that you can't keep bothering and pestering those eating dinner, no sitting on our laps, etc. If you want to be part of the conversation at the table, then sit at the table. They are not allowed to get up and down multiple times - this is easy to enforce b/c rarely do they come back to eat more.

See, I think this makes total sense and is appropriate for your DD1's age. I think my MIL can sometimes get a little ahead of herself in terms of what are age appropriate expectations. I can't really blame her, it's been 30 years since she had toddlers, I'm sure my memory will be hazy 30 years down the road!

ladybugpjb · May 2013

DS eats extremely slowly, so he's usually still eating when everyone else is done. At restaurants, he's sometimes disinterested in the food, so I try to just keep him calm and entertained.

ohyeahdollface · May 2013

LalaMama81:
When DD2 is done eating we let her down, she has to tell us she's done. Obviously I wouldn't let her out of her seat at a restaurant.
DD1 does have to ask to be excused and the rule is that you can't keep bothering and pestering those eating dinner, no sitting on our laps, etc. If you want to be part of the conversation at the table, then sit at the table. They are not allowed to get up and down multiple times - this is easy to enforce b/c rarely do they come back to eat more.

IDK why it wont bold. This is why we keep DD at the table while we are eating. She is too little to understand she cannot keep coming up to pester and climb in our laps. For now she gets an activity to stay put, but when she is older, I plan to go with what you do with your dd1.

Monsieur_et_Madame_Ha · May 2013

The kids pretty much always finish their meal last, so it's more a matter of DH and I staying at the table than them.

Sometimes DD1 asks to be excused before we are done, and that's fine. The rule is simple enough: you may leave the table if you're not hungry anymore, but if you're not hungry for your actual meal, then you're not hungry for dessert or bedtime snack.

kjgilhoo · May 2013

At home we are usually finished before she is so we wait for her (well I wait for her, SO has a bad habit of leaving the table - it drives me nuts). At a restaurant I bring books or toys for her to try and occupy herself with.

Lately she's on a hunger strike with her meals. She's not interested in anything we give her and thus wants to get down early. I have let her, but then she comes back asking to get in our laps which does not work. Like Dollface said I'd rather keep her in her chair for now until she understands what being excused means. There is so much going on with her right now developmentally that I'm trying to pick my battles.

melissa0726 · May 2013

Kimbus22:
This is us too. My bigger problem is getting DH to remain at the table while Joey finishes eating. I get up to start cleaning and then DH goes to watch tv. I feel like someone should hang out at the table!
Since we've been eating together a whole week now and stuff lol

I'm glad that my husband isn't the only one who gets up and leaves the table when he's done. It's so frustrating! I'm always like, umm, excuse me...we're still eating, and there's all this food to clean up! Taking your plate to the kitchen does not count!

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