Keepin' It In the Family?

MStringham523 · May 2013

DH and I have been trying for years now. Infertility is a combination of both of us. I don't ovulate regularly (haven't for quite some time) and he has a really low sperm count. We were told our only option is IVF. So we've been saving and saving (cuz you all know it's not cheap) and saving some more. But I started having doubts cuz that's a lot of money ya know. So we were talking about other options like adoption, but again it's still a lot of money for that. When everything first started he had mentioned something about his brother donating sperm. I was totally against it then. I want HIS baby, no one else's and that's what it felt like and sounded like to me then. I have been giving it more though recently though. Even though it's biologically not his, it would still be his child. And wouldn't I rather know who the donor is and what they are like than not know? I'm just so wishy-washy with this. I like it one day, I hate it the next. It's driving me crazy. DH say's he totally fine with it and I believe him since he's not one to lie to me about his "true" feelings.

I guess I just wanted other women's opinions and perspectives. Have you done this too? If you have, how does it work? Et cetera. et cetera.

kk2bkd · May 2013

Before I was really ready to move on to DE IVF I felt like you did (that I wanted our OWN baby and not a baby from a donor cycle) but once we came to terms with the reality of our situation (that we wouldn't get pg on our own or with my eggs) I accepted the loss of 'biology' and move on emotionally. Once we decided to use Donor Eggs I was ready and I can tell you that my DD is 100% mine. I grew her, I gave birth to her. She's ours. We also didn't want to know the donor (b/c we thought it would be difficult to know where to draw lines etc) so we used a clinic and chose from a database. We know a lot about our donor but we don't actually know her IRL.

Donor Embryos are a good option too, especially if there is any question about the quality of your eggs. Like you said you are spending a lot and if your egg quality isn't 100% a high grade DEmbryo might be a better chance.

Do a lot of research and talk about it w/ DH at length. There are a lot of specific concerns and issues with using a donor (for sperm or eggs or both) and I think it's important that you're prepared for those challenges in the future when you have to talk to your child about it all.

Good luck!

liz4paws · May 2013

kk2bkd:
Before I was really ready to move on to DE IVF I felt like you did (that I wanted our OWN baby and not a baby from a donor cycle) but once we came to terms with the reality of our situation (that we wouldn't get pg on our own or with my eggs) I accepted the loss of 'biology' and move on emotionally. Once we decided to use Donor Eggs I was ready and I can tell you that my DD is 100% mine. I grew her, I gave birth to her. She's ours. We also didn't want to know the donor (b/c we thought it would be difficult to know where to draw lines etc) so we used a clinic and chose from a database. We know a lot about our donor but we don't actually know her IRL.
Donor Embryos are a good option too, especially if there is any question about the quality of your eggs. Like you said you are spending a lot and if your egg quality isn't 100% a high grade DEmbryo might be a better chance.
Do a lot of research and talk about it w/ DH at length. There are a lot of specific concerns and issues with using a donor (for sperm or eggs or both) and I think it's important that you're prepared for those challenges in the future when you have to talk to your child about it all.
Good luck!

I agree with PP. There are many pros and many cons to having a known donor vs anonymous. As long as you are aware of the cons and are prepared to address them, I don't think there's a wrong answer. It's just what is right for you. It may be helpful to talk to a counselor who specializes in situations around donor gametes, and your RE can likely give you a referral. They are great at helping you work through concerns you may have. Good luck with whatever you decide, and we are here for you too.

LittleLady77 · May 2013

How low is your husbands count? With IVF you only need 20 or so sperm.

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