Moms of two....do you want a 3rd child?

nemosucksII · May 2013

DH and I are on the fence about having a 3rd. We have a 3.5 and a 1.5 girl and boy. I can't say I 100% want another, but I can't say that don't.

I guess its just that I have a hard time post partum. I hate gaining all the baby weight. I hate the lack of sleep and constantly worrying about baby.

To be honest, I truly start enjoying my babies when they turn 6 - 9 months!

On the other hand, I LOVE my kiddos now and know I have more room in my heart for another. Being a mom is so much fun now that my kids are older...its just the baby part that is hard for me!

Please share your stories/input/opinions. TIA

AimeeL85 · May 2013

I feel the same way. For the most part, yes, I want a 3rd and I think we will have one, but pregnancy is rough (and we need fertility treatments to even get to that point), and I don't handle the newborn phase too well. Specifically the sleep deprivation...I really don't handle it well. With a toddler and an infant right now I feel like I will lose my mind.

Yet at the same time it seems crazy to write off having more kids due to phases that are so brief in the grand scheme of things...but when you're in the middle of them, sometimes the thought of adding to it seems crazy too!

JulesDiane · May 2013

I have 2, and I thought I might want 3, but now I am not so sure. DH definitely wants a third. I will be 38 in 2 weeks, so that is part of my hesitancy. I have had a really tough time adjusting to 2. By the end of the day, I am exhausted. My 3 year old is trying, and my 8 month will be crawling soon. I don't know if I have enough sanity (or wine) for a third. Another thing holding me back is how it might damper our lifestyle. We just got back from a weekend in Philly. Flying with 2 was really hard, I can't imagine 3! Of course, I do understand that as they get older, they will become more self sufficient, but I think I have a tough time wrapping my head around that concept. And then there is the whole money thing... 3 private schools, 3 colleges, an extra room and plane ticket on vacation, and I might need a new car too to fit them all. Oh, and I had 3 miscarriages before I got pregnant with DD2, so I just expect that I will again have similar issues trying to conceive another. And DD2 had heart surgery at 8 days old, which also scares me. I just feel so blessed and content right now. Of course, after all of that, there is a tiny part of me that would love to have a third.

MrsWindyCity · May 2013

No, we don't. A lot of it is financial (I don't really want to be a SAHM and daycare in the city in crazy expensive) and some of it is wanting to sort of "get on" with our lives. I don't mean that in a bad way but, for example, DS2 is a great age for going on vacations, but we feel a little hindered by DS1, so I don't want him to get to a great age and then have another, etc. DS2 is a great, great baby but we had gotten into such a groove with DS1 where it was so easy to do various things because he had gotten independent and what have you, and now it's harder. And this ties into the financial aspect but we also feel like we will be able to do more (like vacations, dinners, etc.) with 2 kids vs. 3.

nrb4576 · May 2013

Have this internal debate multiple times per day in my head.....

rjeller32 · May 2013

6-9 months is totally my favorite stage. I already know though that I don't want more. I love both my girls, but I hate pregnancy, PP and that newborn stage. If I could pop out toddlers, I would haha.

I just feel like 2 for us feels natural. And the idea of another college fund, and another diaper/potty training ordeal would just suck. I had kids early, so I'll be 41 when my youngest graduates, and I really like that idea. I wrote a huge thing about why I don't want more kids here, maybe you can relate

dragon_chica · May 2013

Heck no! We always agreed on two. In the area we live in and the lifestyle we like to have, two is all we can afford. Plus, they are EXHAUSTING!

WestCoastMommy · May 2013

My kids will be 5 and 2.5 in June. I have a boy and girl. We are at such a easy/happy place in our lives that DH and I don't want to disrupt it. We feel complete and I guess that's how you will know. DH goes in this Thursday for his vasectomy and while I have moments of wondering if we could want a 3rd someday, I know that is just those last min butterfly's. We are ready to move on with our family and enjoy being baby free. We will be debt free by the end of this year and we want to stay that way lol We both come from 4 kid families and we know the struggles our parents went through.

We look forward to lots of family trips and doing special things that financially our smaller family will allow.

Cherryblossoms07 · May 2013

No. We agreed that two was a good number before we got married and agree now that our family is complete. I love my kids, but I am happy that I am through with pregnancies and the newborn stage, I never liked either. Like the PP stated, we are ready to start enjoying our life being baby free.

Spin313 · May 2013

I have a 5yo boy and a 2yo girl, and we are done. I really feel like our family is complete. I have two hands for two kids, and DH and I can easily split up and give them one on one attention. Plus, we feel like we can comfortably provide for two...financially, physically, emotionally, and mentally.

I have a group of friends with kids that are all DD's age and almost ALL of them are having or recently had their seconds. Sometimes I wish I had a third so I could raise that child along with my friends, but a baby is not like a new camera or iPhone; you don't run out and get one just because everyone else is.

Mom2Mack1 · May 2013

We agreed on two before getting married. So, we are officially done. I don't enjoy being pregnant, and I'm ready for the next stage of our life. With two DH & I each of a kid to handle at bedtime, meal time, bath time, etc.

memali26 · May 2013

I am mostly certain I want a third, DH is on the fence leaning towards two. I have moments where I think it would be crazy to have a third - I had GD with both pregnancies and it would suck to do that again, life is chaos with two already, our two are only 1.5 years apart so it won't be long before we get to a stage where it's easier to do things as a family, we plan on private school and that's not cheap, the more kids we have the longer I SAH which means longer living on one income, and as much as I love an itty bitty newborn, it is HARD.

But I also can't imagine not giving the girls another sibling. I grew up as one of five kids, and have just always assumed I'd have three or four. Four would be too much for us, but I can't shake the feeling we're supposed to have three. As much as I know I could be complete and content with the two amazing girls we've got, I just don't feel done yet. I feel like there is one more waiting for us.

anakah · May 2013

I have 2 year old twins and I've always felt cheated out of a second pregnancy. I loved being pregnant and the idea of only having one infant to take care of seems so lovely after going through it with two. We've been on the fence about a 3rd for some time. I just didn't feel like we were done. I just found out I was pregnant again about a week ago and now I'm waffling between being completely overwhelmed with the thought of three children and looking forward to it.

hoping4sticky · May 2013

No, we are talking about DH getting the big V. I do have some slight reservations about making a permanent decision, but I'm pretty confident that it is the right decision. We did talk about if things drastically changed later and we did want a child, that we would look into adoption.

I'm sure that part of my feelings stem from having my kids really close in age, but I feel that my second gets short changed and I can't imagine how it would be with more. I'm sure some moms are great at the juggling, but I am not. I am also an only child so I don't really get the whole sibling thing. I do think that when we are much older it would be nice to have a big family, but I would rather have more time/money/less stress now. Oh and totally silly, but everyone that I know that grew up in a family of three kids the middle child is messed up, especially if it is the two girls first and then the parents had the prodigal son. So I always said that I wouldn't have 3 kids - 2 or 4:)

mexicolombiana · May 2013

MrsWindyCity:
No, we don't. A lot of it is financial (I don't really want to be a SAHM and daycare in the city in crazy expensive) and some of it is wanting to sort of "get on" with our lives. I don't mean that in a bad way but, for example, DS2 is a great age for going on vacations, but we feel a little hindered by DS1, so I don't want him to get to a great age and then have another, etc. DS2 is a great, great baby but we had gotten into such a groove with DS1 where it was so easy to do various things because he had gotten independent and what have you, and now it's harder. And this ties into the financial aspect but we also feel like we will be able to do more (like vacations, dinners, etc.) with 2 kids vs. 3.

These are the reasons that I go through in my head when I think about having a 3rd. DH and I are still talking about it, but if we do we'll haev to wait until DD#1 is in a free kindergarten in the city because I cannot afford to pay my nanny any more to watch 3 kids. DD#2 is almost 3 so we have 2 more years to decide.

cmhicklin · May 2013

We definitely want more kids, but we are going to grow our family through adoption. Before we had DS though, we wanted a 3rd biological, and now we don't. I was sick with DD the whole pregnancy, and even more sick with DS, and I can't handle that again. So we wanted to adopt 1, but now we will look into adopting a sibling group.

ETA: DH will get a vasectomy eventually, but we are going to wait a few years to do anything permanent. We especially don't want to make that decision right now, when we are both super tired and things seem hard.

rosesandpeonies · May 2013

yes, but in a few years. I did 2 under 2 and it was somewhat tough for me. I have autoimmune diseases and the fatigue was mindboggling for me. I really want to enjoy my third pregnancy, birth and baby.

I am also just getting in a groove with my girls and getting out with them on my own all of the time. We are able to enjoy going on vacation, etc. so I would like to enjoy that for a little longer too.

I would be happy with my girls though. I am extremely blessed, after having some fertility problems with my first daughter and all of my autoimmune diseases.

Im not done, but not ready yet either My Mom had kids up into her 40s so for me waiting isn't a big deal (ill be 33 this summer).

Leap08 · May 2013

We have two girls the same ages as your children, and I'm done. I feel like we're really comfortable with two, and that three would change things a lot for us. We'd need a bigger car. We'd need to shuffle rooms. We'd need to figure out how to pay for three in daycare. Due to my husband's job, I'm on my own with the girls a lot. I can handle the two of them, but I'm not sure if I can handle three. We're also not young parents (I'm 37), so that plays into our decision as well. If we were younger, I might consider a third when our oldest starts school.

smiling76 · May 2013

I so agree! I'm not a fan of the newborn phase. I like holding them and snuggling--but everything else sucks. Leaky boobs, issues with allergies, sleep issues, worrying, etc etc.

Having said that, although my heart would love another one--I don't think our marriage is strong enough to. My DH's work schedule is insane and I'm a single mom at this point. My DS1 has special needs (apraxia of speech as well as SPD and possible dyspraxia). So life is truly insane right now. Something would get dropped and I don't want my kids to not get the attention they need.

So I'm 99.9999999999999% sure we're done at 2. So many ask if we are "going for a girl" and although I would love it, the though of 3 boys scares me LOL.

pitterpatter129 · May 2013

cmhicklin:
We definitely want more kids, but we are going to grow our family through adoption. Before we had DS though, we wanted a 3rd biological, and now we don't. I was sick with DD the whole pregnancy, and even more sick with DS, and I can't handle that again. So we wanted to adopt 1, but now we will look into adopting a sibling group.
ETA: DH will get a vasectomy eventually, but we are going to wait a few years to do anything permanent. We especially don't want to make that decision right now, when we are both super tired and things seem hard.

Same. If we decide on a 3rd, it will be through adoption. I'm done with pregnancy!

BeanNut · May 2013

Yes I definitely want a 3rd... and maybe more. I was on the fence until DD2 turned 6 months and started STTN. If we can find a way to pay for a third we will do it. It would mean 3 in daycare... plus a bigger house (which we will do anyhow) and a bigger vehicle.

sschwege · May 2013

If DH gave me the green light, I would want at least 4, probably more like 6. But DH says one more and we are done, so I guess 3 it is!

If I was in your shoes and kind of torn, I would go for it. I know I would never regret having more children, I might regret having less. I've known too many people who said later in life they should have had more, my mother and MIL included.

linjmurx · May 2013

no way.

Kie310 · May 2013

Yes. Since the second my DS2 was born I was already aching for a 3rd. He is only 4 months old so we are going to wait until he is one to pin down when we might start for #3, but I know without a doubt I want another.

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