Does Anybody Else

MJC1116 · May 2013

get really, really grumpy at the end of the TWW? I don't know why I even have any shred of hope anymore considering it's been almost 2 years of TTC and nothing. My doctor says I only have a 4% chance of conceiving each month, whereas other girls my age have a 15-20% change. AF is due any day now, and my husband will be abroad for 3 weeks, so I know there's no chance to get pregnant next cycle. That means we will start some sort of assistance in June. I'm scared and unsure of what to do... but I think maybe injectibles with IUI to start.

I'm supposed to test 14 dpo, but I'm scared to see the negative test results again. I never thought a stupid piece of plastic with a litmus strip in it would make me feel so horrible about myself.

Then I feel guilty about feeling so badly about myself when I have such a wonderful daughter already. It's just the older she gets, the worse I feel about not giving her a sibling. I was certain that a baby would have been here by now.

Meanwhile, people in RL seem to be getting pregnant and announcing it every other day. I know a few more are on their way, too. I wish it was that easy for me.

Why is it so hard for us??

Thanks for listening... I *think* I'm done venting.

muree01 · May 2013

I have become numb at all the negative tests. Negative LH test (I test 2x/day around the time I think ovulation is, but after the birth of DS 2.5 years ago My cycle length is all over the place). Then there's the early detection tests that are always neg but I do anyway with all my fingers and toes crossed. Then there's the negative pregnancy test, just in case the negative early prediction test was a false negative. Then all the temperature testing. Some times it seems like my life is one big failed tests (pity pot here!). It was a relief to have our IF diagnosed so I could stop failing tests! We were just diagnosed tho, I have to get my period again before I can do all the hormone testing. We're giving this cycle a go on the small hope all the stars will align and somehow we'll get preg. So right now I'm testing 2x/day fr LH surge. I didn't do clomid this month tho, so who knows when the surge will happen. Day 19 today.

I know SO MANY pregnant people right now. All but one got pregnant in a couple cycles, most of them the first freaking time. We've been trying for 14 months, but I've been wanting #2 ever since the fog of having a newborn lifted, when DS was about 3mos old. I'm so ready for this!! Come on now!

I love reading other people's rants on this board, makes me feel less alone.

Best of luck to you!

mlamping · May 2013

I woke up today, thinking my FET failed. I do not feel any different and I just have a gut feeling. I have had such high hopes for this cycle. This fail puts me in a huge cross road, to try again or just settle for one kid family. I am so torn, and I am not sure I want to make a decision as of yet. I know it is early for me, I am only 4dpo5dt but I just have a feeling.

Two years for kids two and nothing to show for it. I do not want to test, just to get even more sad.

Best of luck to you!

leigh517 · May 2013

I am completely with you. I start testing at about 10 DPO even though I know I shouldn't, and I clearly have not gotten a positive yet since I'm still here. I'm on cycle 17 so that's a lot of negatives. I am kind of numb to it at this point but still keep holding out hope that this month will be different. It is such a roller coaster and all of the hormones and medications and whatnot certainly don't help. You are definitely not alone!

mrsbnlmel · May 2013

leigh517:
I am completely with you. I start testing at about 10 DPO even though I know I shouldn't, and I clearly have not gotten a positive yet since I'm still here. I'm on cycle 17 so that's a lot of negatives. I am kind of numb to it at this point but still keep holding out hope that this month will be different. It is such a roller coaster and all of the hormones and medications and whatnot certainly don't help. You are definitely not alone!

All of this! I have gotten to the point where my husband keeps the tests hostage until test day otherwise I just use them and then get sad earlier than necessary. You're not alone at all!

AMYBL33 · May 2013

We tried for 3.5 years for child #2 naturally. I figured, we conceived once on our own, why wouldn't it work for the 2nd? And I know how hard it is wanting that 2nd child. It was as hard for me as for the 1st ( took 1.5 years for the first). It was almost worse for me wanting that 2nd child so bad. But we finally decided to seek help and IUI worked for the 1st try for us. I'm wondering what are your issues? Ours are that I don't ovulate normally and my husband has low sperm count. So IUI really increased our chances...getting the timing just right on ovulation and getting the sperm up where they need to be. They say it usually takes 2-4 tries for IUI. I am currently on my 2nd IUI for baby #3. So my advice is to try to get excited knowing that their might be a good option for you guys within the next couple months. Find a good RE and get rolling. IUI's aren't bad at all. Good luck to you!!!

tryingyetagain · May 2013

Once I realize I'm bfn each month, I'm a mess for a couple of days. It is so hard. But, seeing bfp's on this board gives me hope that we each have a chance each month. Maybe you will be next! FX for you. :-)

MJC1116 · May 2013

My husband checked out completely fine. I think they actually told him he has "Super Sperm." Ha, made me laugh, but then I felt badly that the problems clearly are with me. I'm 28 and have a higher FSH/lower AMH. I think my numbers were 11.8 and 1.6? something around there. My doctor didn't seem too worried about it but she said it probably accounts for a majority of the trouble we've been having. I also ovulate at different times... usually late like day 18 or 19 with a 28 day cycle (LPD), but these past two cycles it's been around days 12 and 15.

It came as a huge shock, really, because #1 was conceived first try. I held off for a long time even thinking about #2 because I thought it would happen so quickly. I feel regret for that one.

I love my RE. She's really positive but doesn't blow smoke. My chances of conceiving with Clomid + IUI should increase from 4% to 8%, FSH hormes + IUI to 18% and IVF to 50-60%. My husband and I will start in 2 cycles (he's gone next month) with the middle one... a bit more aggressive than Clomid but not as full force as IVF. Our insurance won't cover any of it.

Thanks for the reassurance. I'm nervous to inject myself... (or have my husband do it). Maybe it will be good bonding time. ha ha. I really wish I could get over this feeling of questioning why I have to go through this, but I really appreciate all the support you ladies offer! In RL I feel so alone!!

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