DH and loss issues?

Terri3810 · May 2013

Anyone else have issues with the DH after their losses? I thought we were ok until this week I've been pretty torn up about Mother's Day and the fact he was out of town when I was mc'ing last time. He blew up at me today and said it was just an egg what's your problem? And now conversations are leaning towards "would we be better apart". Ugh I can't lose my DH and my babies too. I just want to throw something right now!!

ashx3renee · May 2013

(((hugs))) I don't have any advice, but I am so sorry that you are going through this.

Terri3810 · May 2013

Thank you. I hope is just emotions on both our parts.

samjen2010 · May 2013

I am sorry. I hope you can talk about it with him and explain how you feel and that he will be receptive. The key is for him to be there for you even though he doesn't understand what you are feeling or why it is so hard for you. I hope with time that he comes around. (Hugs)

Serenla · May 2013

samjen2010:
I am sorry. I hope you can talk about it with him and explain how you feel and that he will be receptive. The key is for him to be there for you even though he doesn't understand what you are feeling or why it is so hard for you. I hope with time that he comes around. (Hugs)

This and ::hugs:: sometimes they don't get that it isn't just an egg to us.

ashx3renee · May 2013

Terri3810:
Thank you. I hope is just emotions on both our parts.

That could very well be the case. Men deal with emotions completely different we do.

I would try to have a serious talk with him, try to explain to him how you feel. Maybe, that will help him be a little bit more understanding of what you are feeling.

SuperKim13 · May 2013

I am so sorry for what you're going through (((HUGS))). I would certainly feel pretty hurt by those words, but maybe it would help to try to understand why he is saying them. Is it possible that he has some guilt for feeling or not feeling the same amount of grief that you are? If things are really bad, maybe some counseling would help, eventually? I'm so sorry!

AuntLoLo · May 2013

I know exactly what you mean, my DH was the same way with our losses! I was always upset for several weeks and felt like I was going through it alone and he was always mad and ill about it. We would usually fuss and fight because he wasnt being sympathetic, he was just bitter. I come to the conclusion that is just how he coped his way through it. Maybe your husband is the same way. It will get better! I promise! If you both can make it through this hard and difficult time you can make it through just about anything!

L&C2010 · May 2013

I'm sorry that you're going through this. ((Hugs)) I think that sometimes husbands don't fully understand right away what we're going through. Our first loss was confirmed right before Christmas and DH still thought that we would go to family parties and pretend we were still pregnant, not telling anyone so we wouldn't ruin their Christmas. I had to sit him down and explain that was not happening. He just didn't get it at first but realized after I explained how impossible that would be for me to go through.

It could be that he is trying to tell himself that "it's just an egg" because that's how he's dealing with it. I think you two need to sit down and talk and explain to him that you need his support when dealing with this.

socialwkrsweetie · May 2013

I don't have any advice either, just wanted to say I'm sorry you are going through this and offer up some (((hugs)))

HorseLover11 · May 2013

I'm so sorry you're going thru a loss and DH issues. I know my DH got frustrated when I kept talking about it. I eventually moved past my grief and relied on this board when I knew he wouldn't be the best to talk thru every little feeling so I get it, but I'm just mostly wanting to send you hugs while you are going thru this. I hope he can understand how hard this is for you

BumbleBee28 · May 2013

My DH was the same way. Unfortunately, I just got to the point I don't like talking to him about it. He still gets mad but luckily he's quit throwing the divorce card at me. I went to the doctor alone because he said he couldn't miss school (he's a teacher). I was - and still am to a point - extremely upset with him because I felt like he didn't care enough to go with me. I try not to throw it up to him anymore but it seriously bothers me that he can miss for basketball clinics but not to see if our child is alive or not. I've learned in a years time that men process differently than women. It took him longer to let his grief out, and once he did, he doesn't want to acknowledge it. Me on the other hand, I can break down and cry at the announcement of pregnancy on FB or on tv lol. I really hope you two can work through this and not separate. This is a time you both need each other. GL! (((hugs)))

ellajune2012 · May 2013

I don't have any advice, but big {{{hugs}}}

Terri3810 · May 2013

Thanks for the hugs!! I'm letting him cool off and when I'm not crying buying Mother's Day cards for our moms. Ughhhh it's all just hit me all of a sudden, just when I thought I was ok....

hhudson92 · May 2013

I have no advice, but I am so sorry you're going through this. ((hugs))

Poppy715 · May 2013

samjen2010:
I am sorry. I hope you can talk about it with him and explain how you feel and that he will be receptive. The key is for him to be there for you even though he doesn't understand what you are feeling or why it is so hard for you. I hope with time that he comes around. Hugs

Samjen is right. He needs to know its important to you. Even if he doesn't feel the same way he should be supportive if your feelings.

Poppy715 · May 2013

samjen2010:
I am sorry. I hope you can talk about it with him and explain how you feel and that he will be receptive. The key is for him to be there for you even though he doesn't understand what you are feeling or why it is so hard for you. I hope with time that he comes around. Hugs

Samjen is right. He needs to know its important to you. Even if he doesn't feel the same way he should be supportive of your feelings.

nyg2042 · May 2013

((Hugs)). I'm so sorry you're going through this. I think miscarriage can place a lot of stress on a relationship. Maybe you can sit down and share what you're feeling. Hopefully things will get better soon.

alleycat39 · May 2013

Many hugs to you right now. I can only imagine how frustrating and upsetting it must be to be in that position. I don't have much advice, but want to offer my support.

Jska40 · May 2013

ShellyM2011:
samjen2010:
I am sorry. I hope you can talk about it with him and explain how you feel and that he will be receptive. The key is for him to be there for you even though he doesn't understand what you are feeling or why it is so hard for you. I hope with time that he comes around. Hugs
Samjen is right. He needs to know its important to you. Even if he doesn't feel the same way he should be supportive if your feelings.

This. I know emotions have a lot to do with it--MH was very angry and snapped at everything, including me getting upset, until he finally broke down and admitted that he was angry that this happened to us.

Not matter what, though, both you and H have to be supportive of each other's feelings. So sorry your going through this ((Hugs)).

Mrsbtobe2012 · May 2013

I am sorry you are going through this.

I feel like we, as women, the second we see that second line we are mamas. For men, I think it's going to US and seeing that baby wiggling around or actually having to wait until a live birth until they feel like dads.

Hopefully talking things out of counseling will help.

heather52904 · May 2013

[HUGS] I'm sorry you are going through this

fiendelle · May 2013

So sorry to hear this- my DH has been fine (so far), but that is cuz he is holding it all in and it will explode one day...I do find guys deal with emotions by pretending they don't exist, which is the opposite of how we do, and makes us feel like we are not being validated. It's so frustrating and to us, not right, but it is truly his way of releasing his sadness/anger/fear about the MC. DH wants to 'not dwell' on the MC (that happened a week ago), and wonders why I don't just focus on the future-- it is their way...their crazy effed way lol. You will work it out- i'm sure he just feels guilty about not being there to 'protect you' while he was out of town and his frustrations are coming out wrong. So sorry- i'm sure we all have DH issues sometimes- I have been there, mos def. HUG!

mayonegg · May 2013

(((hugs))) I'm so sorry that you are going through that.

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