How to explain it to others

ChristyML · May 2013

I have been getting help for my PPD for about a month now (I'm not on meds, I just wanted to do talk therapy this time. I've dealt with depression for at least 10 years on and off throughout my life, and I was always on meds and they always dulled me, and I don't want to try to find something else to work.).

I'm pretty sensitive to everything anyone says right now. My counselor says it's completely normal, and that it's okay to be super sensitive right now (I am working on overcoming it).

My MIL has been comparing my son to MH's cousin's son (they are 2 days apart, and MH's cousin's son is crawling already, and pulling up and walking while holding on to things. Or at least according to MIL and her sister he is *eyeroll*). While I don't give a crap about what some other baby is doing, I am so SICK of MIL comparing them. It's all she ever does when we see her, and she never just praises DS; it's always "Oh he needs to crawl now" or "where are his teeth?" etc. And she's a b*tch about it. I have asked MH to say something to her about it, but he says he doesn't know what to say without offending her. Well, excuse me, but I think he should be worrying about offending ME. I'm hurt that he won't say anything. My counselor agrees that something should be said (not because what she's doing is wrong, but because I'm very sensitive right now).

My brother has also been very rude, almost to the point of emotional abuse. I tell him to stop being mean to me, and he asks why. I'm too ashamed to tell him about the PPD, and that I'm really sensitive right now. I did message him on facebook to let him know what's going on, but he thinks depression is "all in your head".

My mother is no better. We live with her (and my brother), and we were both adopted, so my mom never went through PPD, so she doesn't know how I feel, and she is a huge bully to me. My husband and I are trying to get out of her house, but there is nothing on the housing market right now. I'm speaking to my counselor about it, but it's a slow process.

So how do you tell others that you are going through PPD? I mean, I don't like to talk about it; I am ashamed of it, and I'm embarrassed. I think a lot of people don't understand PPD, so they don't understand what I'm going through, and they feel that it is some petty thing.

TIA

homebird · May 2013

I dont have PPD, but I've struggled with severe anxiety and depression for the past couple of years (since my daughter was born). There are a few people in my life who know what I'm going through. Those are people that I trust completely, and they don't judge me. There are people that I don't tell because I know they wouldn't understand.

Many people have misconceptions about what depression is or what it's like. A lot of people will say it's "in your head" or "just stop worrying so much" or other insensitive things like that. It's not because they dont' care about you, they just don't know any better. I think there's a lot of ignorance about psych disorders. As much as we pride ourselves on being an intellectual and scientific society, there's a still very strong stigma to having a psychological disorder. It's sad, really.

I struggle between wanting to educate people about the reality of depression and anxiety and thinking "why bother". If you're feeling especially sensitive right now, I'd just keep it to yourself. Maybe later when you're feeling better you can talk to people and help them to understand what it is you struggle with and the science behind it.

By the way, just because you keep it to yourself doesn't mean you need to feel ashamed or embarrassed about it. Having anxiety or depression is no different than having diabetes or some other physical ailment. It IS a physical physical. There are things going on in your brain that aren't happening for other people. Too many chemicals, too little chemicals or connections that aren't being made. There's a SCIENCE behind it all. It's nothing you can control or stop on your own. People just don't understand that because no one ever talks about it, kwim?

Ardmhs83 · May 2013

ChristyML:

I have been getting help for my PPD for about a month now (I'm not on meds, I just wanted to do talk therapy this time. I've dealt with depression for at least 10 years on and off throughout my life, and I was always on meds and they always dulled me, and I don't want to try to find something else to work.).

I'm pretty sensitive to everything anyone says right now. My counselor says it's completely normal, and that it's okay to be super sensitive right now (I am working on overcoming it).

My MIL has been comparing my son to MH's cousin's son (they are 2 days apart, and MH's cousin's son is crawling already, and pulling up and walking while holding on to things. Or at least according to MIL and her sister he is *eyeroll*). While I don't give a crap about what some other baby is doing, I am so SICK of MIL comparing them. It's all she ever does when we see her, and she never just praises DS; it's always "Oh he needs to crawl now" or "where are his teeth?" etc. And she's a b*tch about it. I have asked MH to say something to her about it, but he says he doesn't know what to say without offending her. Well, excuse me, but I think he should be worrying about offending ME. I'm hurt that he won't say anything. My counselor agrees that something should be said (not because what she's doing is wrong, but because I'm very sensitive right now).

My brother has also been very rude, almost to the point of emotional abuse. I tell him to stop being mean to me, and he asks why. I'm too ashamed to tell him about the PPD, and that I'm really sensitive right now. I did message him on facebook to let him know what's going on, but he thinks depression is "all in your head".

My mother is no better. We live with her (and my brother), and we were both adopted, so my mom never went through PPD, so she doesn't know how I feel, and she is a huge bully to me. My husband and I are trying to get out of her house, but there is nothing on the housing market right now. I'm speaking to my counselor about it, but it's a slow process.

So how do you tell others that you are going through PPD? I mean, I don't like to talk about it; I am ashamed of it, and I'm embarrassed. I think a lot of people don't understand PPD, so they don't understand what I'm going through, and they feel that it is some petty thing.

TIA

In order for you to feel confident enough to explain it to others and have them understand it better, you have to not be ashamed of it and embarrassed yourself. Their is NOTHING to ashamed about...you cannot help this! It is a disease, like any other. Of course their will always be people out there that doesn't "get it." Chances are...they have never suffered from a mental illness.

PPD/PPA is VERY real! I have survived both and am still seeking counseling and on meds and my DS is almost 3! I openly talk about it, share it with my students (high school health teacher), share articles about it on FB and everyone in my family/friends know about it. No shame here...my dad had a heart attack and he NEEDS to take his meds, exercise and watch his weight to be healthy. Therefore, I NEED to see my therapist and take my meds (for now) in order to be healthy too. Same thing!

If people don't respect you and your family and the illness that you have...then they are the one with a real problem. Print articles out and show them, talk about it openly and offer for some of them (at different times) to go to therapy with you. Have the professional explain it.

Hold your head high!! Their is nothing wrong with the fact that you have PPD, nothing you could have done to prevent it. It happens...sadly.

Keep seeing your therapist and take meds if you need them and they will make you feel better. Open up about it...

Hope this helps!

alilovesmatt08 · May 2013

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. PPD is no joke and is real. It is hard for others to understand, especially if they have never experienced depression. My husband had a difficult time understanding. I wanted to make it clear to him that it wasn't all in my head and I wasn't just being emotional/dramatic. When I was in the hospital after DD was born, they had a social worker come and speak with me. He was there for that and heard everything she had to say. I think it helped that he heard it coming from someone else. Many of the nurses that were taking care of me had gone through it too so they were sharing their experiences. It really helped for DH to hear this and know I wasn't the only one. He still has trouble knowing what to do/say when I go through my crying spells but I think he understands more. Do you have a support group you can attend? Our hospital provides one. They also gave me a lot of information to share with DH/family on how they could help and to help them understand. You should not be ashamed because it isn't something you can control. You're doing your best to explain it and share, and if they cannot understand or try to listen then that is their own problem. Don't let your family bring you down even more...that is the last thing you need. I wish I had better advice, but I will be praying for you and hoping it all gets better soon.

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