so vent, about to lose it!

kfarmer92 · May 2013

My so and I weren't together during my pregnancy, but when lo was about 2 weeks we decided to work things out. Things were going great, he even had lo and I move in because things weren't working out where I was. So things have been pretty good. Except for nighttimes. He has never woken up with DD, even though I eff. But he works at 530 am so not too big of deal. Until today. He set his alarms, that's right alarms, for 330 am. He lets it go off. I hit snooze and wake him up, he goes right back to sleep. Now it's 5 am, DD and I are awake because of the alarm going off for over an hour, and he's still asleep. I know he's going to give me shiit later about him being late because this isn't the first time its happened. I'm gonna hit him!!!

VPGIRL06 · May 2013

If he has an alarm, why are you responsible to make sure he gets up for work? He's an adult, it isn't your responsibility to make sure the guy responds to his alarm.

ann_jeremiah · May 2013

VPGIRL06:
If he has an alarm, why are you responsible to make sure he gets up for work? He's an adult, it isn't your responsibility to make sure the guy responds to his alarm.

Exactly!

julajula22@optonline.net · May 2013

Have you told him specifically that you want him to get up at night with the baby? He's a guy - and most aren't going to get up unless you specifically ask!

Set up a schedule with him, I know some friends alternate nights, or take shifts.

Most guys need to be specially told what you want, take the time to talk. Oh, and about the alarm - that'd really piss met off...after 20 mins I'd have turned the light on!

runningyogimama · May 2013

jack19:
He needs to help you. nbsp;I am a Dad that works at 6AM and we are BF and supplementing. nbsp;I take every feeding from the time I get home until 1AM and then my wife takes over. nbsp;This way she gets a 56 hour stretch of solid sleep. nbsp;You need rest and he needs to help.

This is basically what we did until DD recently started sleeping for a good 8 or 9 hour chunk. I would go to bed early or at least get a good nap in in the evening while DH stayed up with her.

mnj05 · May 2013

He definitely needs to be a grown man and get himself up for work. As far as helping out at night goes, I second the schedule or working something like that out. Our routine is that DH gets up and changes DS, then I feed him, and DH swaddles him and puts him back down. We are both up the entire time, about 30 minutes total most times, so we're both getting the same amount of sleep.

Also agree you need to flat out tell him. DH is great at helping, but sometimes he doesn't realize I want or need him to do more until I say something.

msf11 · May 2013

With DD1 I did everything by myself. I am a full time stay at home so I felt bad asking him to get upbeat night. I had a difficult recovery, no support system, not to mention my mom was DX with breast CA while I was pregnant. I ended up with PPD and suffered silently. Before DD2 was born I sat down and had a very serious discussion with DH about fears and that I couldn't do it alone. I told him exactly how dark my days got and how close I came to ending it all. I told him the only thing that kept me from doing it was my daughter. My DH pretty much checked out and felt sorry for himself about all of the changes he had to adjust to, though he acted more like a rebellious child than someone adjusting.

My point is, you have to decide exactly what you need from him as far as help so that you can keep your head above water. If you only want him to make sure he gets his own arse up then tell him that.

I am sorry you are going through this, I have been there and it sucks. I will say that my husband has been amazing since I told him how bad things were for me. He has actually managed to get me to fall in love with him all over. I always loved him but I wasn't always in love with him

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