How can I feel this way?

alilovesmatt08 · April 2013

Hi Ladies. So I am 39 weeks with baby #2. DS just turned three in March. I suffered from bad ppd with him. I have already had those feelings come flooding back within the last week or two. I finally called my doctor today and he is going to go ahead and start me on Lexapro now. I am being induced on Friday. I feel like the worst mom ever because I have lost all excitement. I love this baby but not in the same way I love DS. I don't feel any sort of connection or bond. I am so deathly afraid that she will be born and I will feel nothing. I truly can't understand how I can feel like this. With DS I have that bond from the moment I found out I was pregnant. I felt very protective of him, loved feeling him move, and this time I don't feel that. I am having a girl, which I really wanted. I know depression cannot be controlled, but how in the hell can I feel like this? I have a great husband, perfect little boy, I'm about to get a little girl, and just stopped working so I can stay home with them. I should be on cloud 9. Did anyone else feel like this before delivery? I am hoping and praying that once she is here and I see her that everything will fall into place. I am so scared

jw87 · April 2013

First, let me say a lot of women feel the same way you are. You have so many hormones surging through your body so give yourself a break.

And I'm going to tell you something I was told... Mother's fall in love with their children at different points, some when they find out they are pregnant, some right after their baby is born, and some when their child responds to them for the first time (a smile).

I was that Mother that fell in love at birth, during my pregnancy it felt like an alien inside of me. I mean, I ate well and took care of myself but that "love bond" didn't come until delivery.

Try not to stress, you will love this baby just like you love your son, it may not be right away, but it will come!

And you're already showing what a great Mother you are by taking the steps to ensure you can care for your baby and yourself after delivery. I also went on medication right after birth with my second as a precaution. I can also tell you I felt very depressed at the end, but as soon as my second son was born- I felt like I was on cloud 9.

Hugs to you! You're not alone, and it's nothing to be ashamed of.

alilovesmatt08 · April 2013

jw87:
First, let me say a lot of women feel the same way you are. You have so many hormones surging through your body so give yourself a break.

And I'm going to tell you something I was told... Mother's fall in love with their children at different points, some when they find out they are pregnant, some right after their baby is born, and some when their child responds to them for the first time (a smile).

I was that Mother that fell in love at birth, during my pregnancy it felt like an alien inside of me. I mean, I ate well and took care of myself but that "love bond" didn't come until delivery.

Try not to stress, you will love this baby just like you love your son, it may not be right away, but it will come!

And you're already showing what a great Mother you are by taking the steps to ensure you can care for your baby and yourself after delivery. I also went on medication right after birth with my second as a precaution. I can also tell you I felt very depressed at the end, but as soon as my second son was born- I felt like I was on cloud 9.

Hugs to you! You're not alone, and it's nothing to be ashamed of.

Thank you so much for your response! It makes me feel a lot better. It is always comforting to know you aren't alone. I agree with the "alien" feeling. Though I didn't feel like that with my son, I feel like that now. I really hope that once she is born is the time that it will click and be wonderful. I do love her, don't get me wrong, but that bond isn't there yet. Like you said though, it will come. I figured since I am already feeling this way I better nip it before it gets worse. Thanks again for your kind words and encouragement! It helps to hear other experiences.

homebird · May 2013

When my daughter was born I did not feel a bond with her for a month or so. I was struggling with PPD and severe anxiety ... it was just bad. I was so focused on myself I just went through the motions with her. Feed. Change. Rock. Sleep. Repeat.

I know you probably feel guilty about those feelings, but the reality is once you get the right meds you will feel "normal" again. And your baby will not know or remember that you struggled to bond with her in the first few weeks of her life.

Obviously you probably know this, but if you'd ever get to the point where you feel like harming her or yourself, you need to go to the ER right away!

How can I feel this way?

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