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Guilt after almost 16 week loss of son...

MommytoAngelMommytoAngel
in Late Term and Child Loss
I lost my son just after midnight Friday morning... I had some bleeding and light strange pains but after an ultrasound Thursday morning where he looked good they assured me he was fine and not to worry... I know I wasn't the best pregnant mom tho and I feel really guilty...

I drank a little more caffeine than I should've... Didn't take my vitamins every day bc I felt so sick... Didn't get enough sleep bc I have a 2.5 year old that doesn't sleep til after 11:00 pm... We had even made the remark that we would rather have a girl... I babysit toddlers in my home and lift them...

I can't help but wonder if these things killed my little boy... The guilt is horrible... He was born at home bc his leg ended up popping out... I had to pull on his little legs and belly to get him out... I just feel so guilty bc I know I could've done better... I drank about the same amount of caffeine and skipped some of my vitamins with my daughter too and didn't have the issues...

I just wish I knew it really wasnt my fault and honestly no one can tell me if it was or wasn't...
DD 9-10-10 DS 5-3-13 our sweet angel boy
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Re: Guilt after almost 16 week loss of son...

  • jebretzjebretz member
    Even without knowing the details, it is ABSOLUTELY NOT YOUR FAULT!  Caffeine and missing vitamins are not going to cause preterm delivery.  I don't know the cause, and you might not every know, but it was not you.  Be easy on yourself and just grieve.  I am so sorry for your loss. 
    TTC since May 2011
    Provera x3 late 2011, no natural response. (Previous BCP for 12 years).
     Dx PCOS April 2012. 
    Clomid x 4 - no response.
    First FSH/Ovidrel cycle early Aug 2012 - 18 days of injections, slow growth, erratic estrogen levels, triggered Aug 21st. 
    BFP Sept 4th and Sept 7th! 
     7wk US Sept 28th - triplets! 
    Perfect triplets lost at 20 weeks due to incompetent cervix. Allison Grace, James Alexander and Colin Gregory forever in our hearts!  
    IVF #1 10/11/13 -  canceled before retrieval.  
    IVF# 2 11/28/13 - retrieval on Turkey Day! Hyperstim - no transfer
    FET #1 2/4/14 - miscarriage @ 9 weeks (Trisomy 6) 
    FET #2 6/8/14 - healthy normal baby! Due date 2/25/15
         Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • MommytoAngelMommytoAngel
    Thank you the reassuring comment... I really needed to hear that... I really appreciate it!
    DD 9-10-10 DS 5-3-13 our sweet angel boy
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  • OSUWifey09OSUWifey09 member
    The guilt game is so hard to avoid, but please know that this is NOT your fault. I played the blame game with myself for months before finally realizing [with the help of friends, family and counseling] that you can't blame yourself. It's not your fault. Those things did not contribute to this. Please take care of yourself and take it easy. I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet boy. *hugs*
    ________________________________________________________________________________


    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

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  • HullGutHullGut member

    It is not your fault. My husband and I both struggled with guilt and finally our therapist asked us what we felt in our gut. I thought it was weird but she said "do you feel in your gut that you caused this" and the answer was no. So whenever I start to think "I should have done this.." or "If only I did that.." I think of my gut feelings. I realize that nothing would have changed the outcome. 

    I am so sorry you lost your son and that you had to deliver him at home. That must have been so traumatic and scary.  Take it easy and be kind to yourself. 

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial ticker
    Due with baby boy # 2 in May 2016
    DD #1 born January 2014

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  • jess123456jess123456 member

    Hugs to you. I am so very sorry for the loss of your son. I too played the guilt game when we lost our daughter and please know that IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. 

    I am so sorry to welcome you to this board but please know that you have come to an incredible place filled with ladies who really understand. I hope this board brings you as much comfort, support and hope that it has for me. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. 

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  • WilliamandshawnnaWilliamandshawnna member

    I am so sorry for your loss. This is NOT your fault. Like PP said you may never know the reason, but the reason is not you. This is a long tough journey and I wish you peace and comfort during it. The women here are very supportive and know what you are going through.

    HUGS

    TTC #1 since 10/2010 RE consult 6/2011 PCOS (known) MFI IVF #1 w/ICSI 2/2012 BFP TRIPLETS our angels grew wings at 19.5 weeks 6.25.12 IVF #2 2/2013 Sono shows tissue Hysteroscopy needed Changing RE www.chasingstarsisbettertogether.com Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers ~~~all welcome~~~
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  • MommytoAngelMommytoAngel
    Thank you everyone. I really needed to hear that from so many people who understand. I have a couple supportive friends but no one that truly understands and some crappy ones that want to act as if nothing happened...
    DD 9-10-10 DS 5-3-13 our sweet angel boy
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