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Attachment Parenting
GrantHenson
member
At my witts end with sleep!!!
GrantHenson
member
Hello Ladies
I have written on this board previously with questions about sleep sharing. I have been struggleing with sleep since my LO was born just over 6 months ago and at this current moment I am overwhelmed, frustrated and feeling like I am failing as a parent. I was raised in a home where co-sleeping, the family bed and the sibiling bed were all occuring at some point, however I also know that I had a really hard time transitioning to my own bed. I recall sneaking into my moms bed and fighting to be there well into my childhood.
My problem is that my baby doesnt sleep at night. She does not want to sleep in her crib and in bed with me is only slightly better because I dont have to get up and there is less time awake inbetween awakenings. She is an all night nibbler. To be more accurate she feeds about 2 times a night and then wants to nibble every light wakening.
I dont know what to do. Some say that this is a problem others say don't worry about it. Some say she needs to get out of your bed. Some say do the Ferber (which feels very wrong in alot of ways). I have read the book on the Ferber method and even according to him it would be traumatic for me to do so. My baby is already demonstrating serpartion anxiety and the night feeds would have to be decreased even before I move to the graduated ferber method.
Just looking for some help from like minded mommies.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: At my witts end with sleep!!!
What is it that you feel at wits end about? About the conflicting advice? About your baby not STTN on her own? About not getting enough sleep for yourself? Because the answer to *what* you are frustrated with could make for very different answers.
If you or your daughter isn't getting enough sleep to function well (or, in her case, be reasonably happy throughout the day), then something would need to change.
If you are frustrated over people telling you that you're hurting your baby, I'd encourage you to learn to ignore them. You'll get some version of this comment throughout your tenure as a mom (read: forever) and it's just a dumb comment. Even if made by well-wishing people, it's a dumb comment. Let it go.
If you're frustrated because you're getting conflicting advice and you don't know what the right answer is, I'd also encourage you to learn how to let it go. You'll get conflicting advice throughout your tenure as a mom, and more frequently than dumb advice, imo. Maybe it's not necessary to *ignore it* but certainly not let it get to you, and realize instead that your mommy instincts are the best first line for you to parent your child.
So, what is it that you want to change? What is the actual problem?
(I ask for clarification, because, though you say "my baby doesn't sleep at night", she clearly does. Not only because humans can't actually go for days on end with zero sleep, but because you mention that she has awakenings, which implies that she is asleep between them. So, the problem isn't that your baby doesn't sleep. Which is why I'm looking for clarificaiton on what *is* the problem.)
Well, a couple of things to keep in mind:
- Many (like, half) kids are not STTN at 6mo.
- STTN rarely means no waking between bedtime and morning - it means a 6 or 8 hour stretch without waking, depending on who you ask.
- Some kids really are still hungry MOTN and need to eat, even at 6 months.
None of those are incompatible with working on getting her to wake only once or twice a night. But the chances you'll be able to do this with zero crying at all... are pretty nonexistant, imho.
That said, crying isn't evil. It doesn't mean your a bad parent. It means she's not getting something she wants. And whether that's sticking a fork in an electric socket or just to nurse in the middle of the night, sometimes, she's not going to get what she wants, and now is the time that starts becoming more and more prominent in her life.
I personally like the Dr. Jay Gordon method of night-weaning, though he "technically" specifies that it should be used only after a year. I would think you could use it at this age, but it may talke longer and be rougher.
The other suggestions are good, but really, anything that has her not gettin what she wants is likely to cause some crying. But you guys will get through it, and, imho, if you're not leaving her alone, it makes all the difference in the world. (Yes, there is the exception for the kids who being present makes it worse - there's nothing in parenting that doens't have an exception! :P)
Also, I would mention - my daughter wakes up MOTN when she pees. So I get to change anywhere from 1 to 3 diapers in the middle of the night. I'm sure part of it is cloth diapers (she won't let me put a disposable on her either!), but she also just wakes up from the peeing - even if it's just a little bit. Once she's peed, unless I change her diaper, she's very restless and doesn't settle back into a deeper sleep (for at least two hours - that's the longest I've forgotten about checking her diaper). Once I change it, which hardly wakes her up at all, she conks back out for a while. I don't know any other kids who do this personally, but thought I'd mention it.
Just a little caution with this, you should ask your pediatrician about night weaning before you do it. At my son's 9-month appointment, I asked and he said not to night wean yet. If you can tell when she is comfort nursing versus actually eating, you can try some No Cry Sleep Solution methods for this. Basically, teaching her to fall asleep without requiring the boob. We gradually got down to 2 to 3 night feedings this way from every 2 hours. There might not be a magical solution to all of this. Hang in there!