Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
aetg
member
Re: Time with your LOs
I work full time and DS is in daycare full time, so I try to maximize my time with him during the evenings and weekends. That said, everyone needs a break sometimes. I occasionally go out on weekend late afternoon/evenings or for brunch to meet friends, but I try to be home for bedtime and I rarely go out on my own if DH can't watch DS. Now that DS is almost 8 months I would like to start having more date nights because we've only had a few. But then again, I would try to go out after DS goes to sleep or near his bedtime so that I've spent a decent amount of time with him.
Now, I would maybe, once a summer, leave DS with a family member (not a babysitter but a grandparent or close family member that I want DS to bond with) to go to Six Flags for a full day or something comparable. It would be a nice break. But I certainly wouldn't make a habit of it. My birthday is during the summer, and I hope to take a weekday off and bring DS to daycare so DH and I can go kayaking. Kayaking is something I love to do, but can't do now that we have DS, so I feel like leaving him once a summer or once every few months isn't a big deal.
But yes, in general, I try to make weekend plans that are baby friendly. That's not too hard for me because most of my friends have babies too.
1. DS LOVES his DCP and his DC friends. There are times when I could take him with me or take him to DC. Then I often think of his needs/wants. We live in the boonies, so a trip to Target is at least a 3 hour gig. 3 hours in the car/shopping cart or 3 hours playing with his 3 BFFs? Not a hard choice for me, except that sometimes I selfishly want him to come hang out with me.
2. When DS was nursing, he and I were stuck together like glue. Anything that involved more pumping would have had to be pretty amazing. I think DH and I went away for 1 night during those 16 months.
3. My ILs and I don't get along at all, but it's still important for DS to have a relationship with them. So, sometimes he'll go over there for a few hours on a Saturday. I try to make the most of those times.
I guess all that to say that I think that people make the choices that the need to to do whatever is in the best interest of their children, including taking a day off sometimes.
BFP#1 "Watermelon" born 3/2011
BFP#2 "Pumpkin" 7/14/12 ~ EDD 3/23/13 ~ Natural M/C 8/3/12 @ 7 weeks
BFP#3 "Pineapple" born 4/2013
BFP#4 "Grapefruit" EDD 3/29/16
I did mention that she is seven months pregnant, right? So she won't actually be able to do anything except sit beside the wave pool.....
Well to each his own. Certainly everyone needs some free time to themselves that isn't at work occasionally.
I am a SAHM, so I get to spend all day with my LO. I feel that you were super judgy of your co-worker. You said you try not to be, but then you finished the statement with "but this is something that really bugs me much more so than sleep training, breastfeeding, etc." How is that not judgy?
Everyone does what works for them when it comes to caring for their children. The only thing that really bothers me about other moms is how they judge other people. It isn't your business how she spends her time. As mothers we should be supportive. There is not a war between attachment parents and other parents. No one gets a medal at the end of it.
BFP#1 "Watermelon" born 3/2011
BFP#2 "Pumpkin" 7/14/12 ~ EDD 3/23/13 ~ Natural M/C 8/3/12 @ 7 weeks
BFP#3 "Pineapple" born 4/2013
BFP#4 "Grapefruit" EDD 3/29/16
Meh. You were rude.
It's a balance. I work full time, so I don't see my kids for more than 2-3 hours on most days (and that's a good day, when we get home at 4). I like to spend that time with them, and on weekends, we usually do things as a family. But I also have to have some time for myself too, and I don't think twice about going for a run every day on the weekend or going away with my husband or my friends a few weekends a year.
Your way might be the right way for you, but it's not the right way for everyone, and you have no right to judge someone else's parenting.
Ok, well while I do think it's fine to get your alone time in, what a dumb place to go at 7 months pregnant! lol
All of this! DH and I both work full time so we try to maximize our time with DD. However, every once in awhile we need time to ourselves. We do a date night about once every 2 months and I'll do a girl's night out with friends about once every 3 months. I don't feel guilty about it. I know couples who go out on dates and go out with friends WAY more than we do.
This is me/us. We both work full time so my son is in daycare every day. On the weekends we try to do a combination of family time and alone. I go for runs - solo or with friends, DH goes surfing - solo or with friends, both weekend days and we take turns so one of us is with the babe. I go out to dinner with my friends a couple times a month. I think that as much as I absolutely adore my son, raising him is certainly work in that it is physically and emotionally draining. And I think that, like with anything else, you can burn out if you don't take time for yourself to recharge.
I can't fully relate since I sah. However, if my dh said we could never spend a day away from our kids ever to do something we enjoyed pre kids it would not end well. I don't think that's a healthy relationship at all IMO.
i mean, I might judge someone who works full time and leaves their kid every Saturday with grandma from 8-6 to do the activities they enjoy. A couple doing this occasionally is doing their family a much bigger favor than those who don't IMO.
I think you can prioritize time with your kids but also take time on occasion to spend one on on time with your spouse-the two aren't mutually exclusive. I would think in your situation it's even more imperative for the health of your marriage to take some alone time together. Instead of judging your coworker I think you should do what she does.
Sitting next to a pool and relaxing sounds good to me. She has two children and one on the way. In 3 months she will not be going anywhere. She is taking a break while she can and maybe she is reconnecting with friends to maintain healthy adult relationships.
This is a beautiful explanation. It is good for both kids and parents to occassionally spend time with other people in their worlds who they love and care for--even sitters can come to be part of the extended family. Growing up, my parents served on the board of our public school foundation and we would have a sitter about every third Wednesday night during the school year. My siblings and I would literally get ridiculously excited when that Wednesday came (we would even look at my mom's calendar to count down the days until "Colleen" came!) We would make big plans for the awesome fun that we would have with this "high school girl," who was obviously so much more "cool" than our parents!
See, now that's judgy.
Very judgy indeed! Comments like this and the OP (seriously, judging a pregnant mom for taking ONE DAY OFF??) are what give us APers a reputation as sanctimonious and judgemental.
Yes, since my husband and I both work, we clearly don't love our kiddos as much as you--but that is okay with you, because "to each parent their own."
Being AP is not about how many hours you put into it--it is about the intent and the quality behind those hours. I hope you are never in a situation where both you and your husband need to work full time and you have to look back on your words tonight...
Bwahahahaha. I love all the "I couldn't leave my precious babies, but it's ok for other parents I guess."
OP, why do you even care how your coworker spends her free time? It's none of your business if she spends every weekend away from her kids, and it sounds like you were rude to her. If I had two kids and a third on the way, my pregnant butt would be poolside sans kiddos for a day if possible. Sounds like a much needed break especially if she's working FT.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with children spending time with other adults, be it grandparents, aunts/uncles, or even family friends and babysitters. It is healthy and good for children to have quality ties with people outside their parents. The whole "it takes a village" cliche, and all that.
Before LO was 1yr, I didn't spend more than a few hours away for an occasional date night with H but that was logistical as much as anything else since he was nursing. It's not much fun to lug a pump around. Now, that LO is older I have no qualms about doing things for myself, with my friends, with my H, with just LO, and with my family. It's about finding the right balance that works for each family, there is no one right way to parent and live your life.
Maybe hop down from your high horse and next time just reply "Oh that sounds relaxing!" and saved the judgment.
You are very lucky that you only have to work 3 days a week. Not everyone is as fortunate as you are. I know you didn't mean anything by it but your comment did come off as judgy. Like many other good mothers out there, I have to work fulltime. I hate the fact that I have to work fulltime but I really have no choice. And even though I work fulltime once in awhile I do like to take some time for myself.
This is exactly how I feel. It is almost more stress on me than it is worth to leave him when during the weekends that is really the only time I get to spend with him since I work full time and he is in daycare. I don't feel like I need the break. My break is during his naps and coming to work when I can run errands on lunch. But that is just me. I don't want to miss a moment. I feel like I already miss so much during the week.