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being a step-parent with IF vent (kids mentioned)

APotterHeadAPotterHead member
in Trouble TTC

I am a full-time step-parent of 2 boys. They are 9 and 10 and we've had them since they were 2 and 3. I love them like they were my own, but they aren't. I have that huge empty void that we all have and people just don't get that being a step-parent is NOT the same. I hear the most insensitive things all the time...

"Why don't they call you Mom"... because I'm not their Mom. When they were too little to understand, I wouldn't let them. When they got older I gave them a choice. Sometimes they do, but I'm me and their Mom is their Mom (who is scarcely in the picture by the way)

"You're lucky you didn't have to deal with sleepless nights, diapers and stretch marks. You're kids were older when you got them"... I would kill to 'deal with' those things! Like literally! (Ok, maybe not literally... maybe)

"You'll love your own baby more when you have one"... I don't know about that person, but to me a parents love for a child is unconditional. I will always and forever love my step-sons! Will it be different... YES! How couldn't it be. Growing a baby in your belly, raising them from day one, breast feeding, those sleepless nights... they make a bond that is mother and child, and that is different. Not the love.

"You must be the infertile one since your husband already has kids"... Infertility sucks! And so do the people who say this! I won't even justify this with an answer.

"Oh, so you don't really have any kids then"... Why thank you for stating the obvious... while you are there would you please twist the knife in my heart a little harder?

Sorry for the long vent ladies! I don't know if there are any other step-parents out there, but I know you will understand regardless!

Me: 34 - Hydrosalpinx DH: 33
Previous history
IUI switched to TI x6 = BFN
IUI x2 = BFN
Essure procedure for hydro

New starts

*Possibly starting clomid in Sept or Oct 

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Re: being a step-parent with IF vent (kids mentioned)

  • monimu13monimu13 member

    imageAPotterHead:

    "You must be the infertile one since your husband already has kids"... 

    "

    I dont have any step children, but I was someone's stepchild for about 12 years when I was a kid.  Our relationship was NOTHING like what you have with yours...and that sounds awesome. 

    To the bolded, I cannot believe some people are so ignorant and insensitive.  

    Keep your chin up lady, and feel free to throat punch anyone who doesnt know how to keep their mouth shut :) 

    CafeMom Tickers
     Anniversary
    TTC since July 2011
    BFP #1: 2/15/12-Ectopic/Mtx at 6 wks
    BFP #2: 10/12/12-m/c at 5 wks. 
    BFP #3: 8/27/13
    Me: MTHFR, Low AMH (1.1), High NK cells and Antiphospholipid Antibodies.
    DH:MFI-Low morph (1%), DNA fragmentation: Excellent!
    5 rounds of clomid, 3 IUIs, and multiple non-medicated cycles- BFFN                                                      
    IVF with ICSI in August 2013 brought us our babies.  ER-9R, 7M, 4F w/ICSI  ET of 2-Grade 2 blasts. 
    + HPT at 6dp5dt. #1 (8dp5dt)- 105    #2 (13dp5dt)- 510  #3 (15dp5dt)- 960  #4 (17dp5dt)- 1889
    Dx shortened cervix, PTL, and preeclampsia during pregnancy.  Lots of medications and 13 weeks of bedrest, babies were born healthy at 34w4d!

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  • scbediscbedi
    Wow, I am so sorry you are going through this and people have said some very very hurtful things to you!! I have no experiance but I wanted to say I am sorry and you are welcome to vent here any time!! (((HUGS!!!!))) IF sucks!!
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  • Desmo35Desmo35 member
    It's so hard and it's not the same as having our own. I have a 16 year old SD. We have great relationship, but I am saddened when things come up that I can't be a part of with her. She recently made the high school drill team. I was super happy for her! We screamed and laughed together and she even invited me to the mandatory meeting. I bought her a teddy bear that they sell to make her feel part of the team. Well, anyway, there is this "Mother/Daughter" tea tradition that they have for new members. It's the Saturday before mother's day. I was hoping that she would invite me to come along, but I understand why she didn't. It still stings though. My first mmc had a edd on SD's birthday and then on SD's birthday, we found out about #2 which ended in a blighted ovum. I know it's not her fault, but she's a reminder of what I have lost and don't have. I only came into SD's life when she was already 10. I teach middle school and I am around teens all day. I really long for that infant stage!
    BFP #1 6/16/2012 EDD 2/25/2013 MMC @ 7 weeks(found out at 10 weeks) 8/2/2012 BFP #2 2/8/2013 EDD 10/25/2013 Beta #1 56 Beta #2 62 Beta #3 156 Beta #4 665 Beta #5 1091 Blighted Ovum 2/27/2013
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  • Cara1024Cara1024 member
    Wow that is a ton of insensitive comments! I'm sorry you are struggling with this. Feel free to vent here anytime you need to. I have a feeling that new "throat punch Thursday" thread is going to come in handy every week.
             *********************************************************************************
                      

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    After 1 year of infertility, our little miracle was conceived via our 3rd IUI on May 5, 2013.
    Holland Sophia was born Jan 24, 2014.
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  • ttuprincessttuprincess member
    imageNariaDreaming:

    I'm so sorry that you've had to deal with so many insensitive comments. Your step-children are so lucky to have a step mother who loves them the way that you do!

    This! 

    Sounds like you are a great step mom.  Sorry you are dealing with people and their insensitive comments.  Like others have said, feel free to vent here as needed.  Sending ((hugs)) to you and hoping today is a better day!

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    Lap and Hysteroscopy June 2012

    DX: PCOS, Stage III Endo, slight Adenomyosis, blocked tube, and probable LPD

    Treatments:  6 Months Lupron Depot injections; 1500 mg metformin; 3 cycles of Clomid + TI = BFN

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  • APotterHeadAPotterHead member
    Thank you all!! Sooo much!!!

    Me: 34 - Hydrosalpinx DH: 33
    Previous history
    IUI switched to TI x6 = BFN
    IUI x2 = BFN
    Essure procedure for hydro

    New starts

    *Possibly starting clomid in Sept or Oct 

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