Adoptive moms out there

edaire · May 2013

Hey everyone,

we were matched with a birth mom about a month ago, and she chose a semi-closed adoption. Birth father has already surrendered his rights and she is due in October. We have been sending cards and letters back and forth to each other, through the agency of course, and things are going really well. I was wondering if any of your birth moms changed their minds about the type of adoptiom they want during the process? Like from open to closed or vice versa? We were hoping to be able to have some sort of relationship with her after the baby is born, but we will absolutely fine with whatever she chooses. What is your experience with your birth moms? Thanks in advance!

~ Erin

crene84 · May 2013

Yes, this absolutely can change. We had a similar situation -- BM wanted semi-open and BF had already surrendered his rights before birth. However, now DD is 7 months old, and we have heard very little from her BM. We hope to have more of a relationship as time passes, but for now she's been distancing herself. Good luck with everything!

Dr.Loretta · May 2013

We are semi open as well, but have slowly opened more and are on the cusp of opening a bit more yet again. We started a blog DD's birthfamily could access, and I try to update it at least once a week. We asked about starting email communication, esp as DD gets older and may have questions. They're open to it, and will discuss details the next time we meet

hway24 · May 2013

Ours did. We had agreed to semi-open, with all pictures and updates going through our agency, and little contact directly between us. She lives in a different state, so during the match we kept in contact though phone calls and text. We met for the first time the day before DS was born, and we really clicked with her. We spent time with her while we were in the hospital and during our ICPC stay. We all wanted to be around each other. We ended up giving her all our info, address, phone #s, etc and kept talking on the phone often. We send everything directly to her, and she sends stuff to us instead of using the agency. How often she contacts us has decreased over time, and varies. We'll go awhile not hearing from her, then we'll hear from her often, we leave it up to her, but we still send pics and gifts on holidays, and we have a shutterfly page just for her that we keep updated with pics and videos. We've even discussed visits, which before we met her, we never wanted. So, yeah, things can change as your relationship grows

CaptainSerious · May 2013

I just want to caution you that even though some birth mothers change their mind about the level of openess as time goes on, it would not be prudent to hope for such a change. It's possible, as all things are, but if she's telling you now what she's comfortable with, it would be perhaps in your best interest to understand that that may never change...or it may change in the direction of less contact. I would just hate for you to enter into this expecting or hoping for her to change her willingness for contact down the road, only to be disappointed and/or for her to feel you always wanting more.

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