Need help with boundaries

Izybel18 · May 2013

DD is 15 months and getting into everything. I feel like all I do all day is tell her "no". I'm not talking safety issues like "hey don't stick your fingers in that socket" more like "stop putting those clean socks in the trash". How do you encourage exploring and play but still enforce boundaries? I do redirect her, but it feels so exhausting because I'm constantly doing that. If I have to be firm, she has a fit about it. If I'm not careful she ends up throwing herself off the couch or onto the floor or whatever. Any tips?!

st.augbride · May 2013

I think you just keep redirecting and offering choices "well, we are not going to put our socks in the trash but you can either put them on or in the drawer. Which do you prefer?"...etc... It IS tiring!

dosafyre · May 2013

Also...baby proof and change things as needed to keep it more of a "yes" environment is super helpful. Could you change the garbage and let her throw socks into a clean can...or can you give her things she can throw away? That way she's getting to imitate what you are doing, learning coordination, get to play and help, etc. We moved the pack n' play in front of the fireplace for a while, baby locks on the garbage cabinet, toilet locks on the lids, etc...and now I don't have to worry about those things. Eventually they get tired (or master something) and move on to the next thing. Then when we have rules (like not standing on the coffee table)...a "no" means more.

RoryorHenry? · May 2013

I'm not there yet as my dd is only six months but I'm starting to think about how I will handle this type of thing since my goal is to say no as little as possible.

Do you think you could ask her for help around the house. Maybe you could say "good idea picking up the socks, can you help mommy put them in the laundry basket?" And then make a game of going around putting clothes in the basket. I'm wondering if you give her a way to feel important helping you that might give her a positive direction.

I guess that is just basic redirection and I'm sure it is exhausting to do all of the time. Good luck!

tslmom87 · May 2013

At that age I learned quickly to pick my battles. Can you baby gate that room off? We spend most of our time in the front room so I just kept a gate closing off the rest of the house and only let her go in a room if I was in there. Baby-proofing and keeping toys nearby helped alot.

blu-eyedwife · May 2013

I believe in "setting up for success" so I try to create a space that allows him to explore and play.

We had an issue with him getting into our recycling, so we got a new recycling trash can that is more difficult for him to get into it. He still manages to get in every now and again, but at a much less frequent rate. I would suggest something similar with your trash - or placing it in a less accessible area.

I let him make a mess - and we work on cleaning up together. Books get pulled from shelves. CDs get moved all around the room. Water gets dumped on the floor. But I find that less of a reaction on my part usually means less repetitive behavior on his part. And he has to help clean up whatever mess he makes, so it's the beginning of learning consequences.

And you know what? Tantrums are okay. Let her have a fit. Move her off the couch and onto the floor, but let her have a fit. I usually say something to my son along the lines of "I know you're upset about _____. And it's okay to be sad/frustrated/etc., but you don't get to do ______. So you can be sad here for a little bit and then we'll do_______."

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