How do you plan to discipline?

drbethc · April 2013

I guess disciplining is around the corner since our LO are now more tots than infants...

How and when if you haven't already are you planning to discipline?

alizabethanne · April 2013

Positive discipline is our plan. Lots of communication and redirection when needed.

acbfreire · April 2013

alizabethanne:
Positive discipline is our plan. Lots of communication and redirection when needed.

agreed!

DawnLilly · May 2013

If it's something dangerous like a wall heater or outlet he's told "no" He will pull his hand back and look at me every time. If he walks away he gets praises and tickles. If he looks at me and continues to reach for it he gets his hand smacked. Better a stung hand than a burn.

If it's not dangerous like a cell phone or remote that he's just not supposed to touch then it's "no" and "look at the random distraction mom has."

The last couple times smacking his hand hasn't worked. He just gives me a dirty look. I have been putting him in "time out" I hold him on my lap and don't let him get up. It seems to be working better. I don't think that any one method is right for all children or parents. Time out seems to be working for him but if I had another child a simple no or distraction might work better.

I was the same way when I was little. Somebody cld have spanked me a dozen times and it wouldn't have mattered but I Hated to miss out on anything so time out worked. On the other hand time out never worked with my brother. He could entertain himself with his thumb. Its about fining the effective method for your child.

stanfordt04 · May 2013

my little guy has just started getting into everything. if he is going towards and touches the cable box, outlets or cords (my LO LOVES cords), i firmly say and sign "stop" and then redirect him to one of his toys.

i decided to stay away from the word "no." I am not ready for my toddler to say or scream "no" back at me yet. and one other thing i have learned is i say "stop" ALL. DAY. LONG... now LO tends to not "stop" when I tell him so... I don't want to overuse the word "no" because i want to use it for a real emergency in case I really need to scare him if he is doing something dangerous.

stanfordt04 · May 2013

and one other thing i learned is consistency is key. even though the word "stop" has been overused with him... i still use it and redirect... and after a week of being on top of him, he now has stopped going near the cable box!! woot! woot!!!!

now the remote and cords............ that is still a work in progress.

snicksnack · May 2013

With my daughter, until she was older and could understand no, I would redirect and say not for touching. It worked my friends with kids would cringe when they came to our house because I had glass vases with marbles in them etc? but DD learned very early on not to touch things. I did not leave anything valuable out while she was learning, but I wanted her to learn not to touch things because when we went to other people?s homes their houses would not be baby proofed. We just recently got rid of our glass table mainly because of finger prints not because of fear of it breaking etc? I also did the not for touching thing with glass windows etc. I did redirection until she was over two I did not do time outs until she was older in my opinion she did not understand the concept so what was the point. At first I would put her in her crib until she calmed down but now she knows time out on the steps. I hate it when my friend?s toddlers would come over and they let them hit my glass door, push my water button on the fridge, etc. It is one thing that all kids will do it, they are toddlers, but it is another when the parent just says no with no explanation and then shrugs it off by saying he is a toddler. The child does not leanr. I got into an argument with a close friend when her two-year old smeared pickle juice all over my dining room chairs, I HATE pickles and I was pregnant with DD. She said to me he is only two what am I suppose to do I said for starters why is he not eating in a chair. It was not good. She swore I would see things differently once I had kids but I don?t and people commented all the time on how well DD listened in that regard. Once she learned, she never opened cabinets in other people?s houses, went up steps etc? Now if only she would start listening again now that she is three LOL.

snicksnack · May 2013

stanfordt04:
and one other thing i learned is consistency is key. even though the word "stop" has been overused with him... i still use it and redirect... and after a week of being on top of him, he now has stopped going near the cable box!! woot! woot!!!!
now the remote and cords............ that is still a work in progress.

Fisher Price makes a pretty real looking remote that DS loves. I highly recommended it. Now when we are in the family room I just give him his remote and he is good LOL

stanfordt04 · May 2013

snicksnack:
With my daughter, until she was older and could understand no, I would redirect and say not for touching. It worked my friends with kids would cringe when they came to our house because I had glass vases with marbles in them etc? but DD learned very early on not to touch things. I did not leave anything valuable out while she was learning, but I wanted her to learn not to touch things because when we went to other people?s homes their houses would not be baby proofed. We just recently got rid of our glass table mainly because of finger prints not because of fear of it breaking etc? I also did the not for touching thing with glass windows etc. I did redirection until she was over two I did not do time outs until she was older in my opinion she did not understand the concept so what was the point. At first I would put her in her crib until she calmed down but now she knows time out on the steps. I hate it when my friend?s toddlers would come over and they let them hit my glass door, push my water button on the fridge, etc. It is one thing that all kids will do it, they are toddlers, but it is another when the parent just says no with no explanation and then shrugs it off by saying he is a toddler. The child does not leanr. I got into an argument with a close friend when her two-year old smeared pickle juice all over my dining room chairs, I HATE pickles and I was pregnant with DD. She said to me he is only two what am I suppose to do I said for starters why is he not eating in a chair. It was not good. She swore I would see things differently once I had kids but I don?t and people commented all the time on how well DD listened in that regard. Once she learned, she never opened cabinets in other people?s houses, went up steps etc? Now if only she would start listening again now that she is three LOL.

we could be friends.

I 100% agree with all of this. not much baby-proofing here and just redirection. it is ALOT of work though!! but i know in the end it is better to put in the work now than later!

snicksnack · May 2013

stanfordt04:
snicksnack:
With my daughter, until she was older and could understand no, I would redirect and say not for touching. It worked my friends with kids would cringe when they came to our house because I had glass vases with marbles in them etc? but DD learned very early on not to touch things. I did not leave anything valuable out while she was learning, but I wanted her to learn not to touch things because when we went to other people?s homes their houses would not be baby proofed. We just recently got rid of our glass table mainly because of finger prints not because of fear of it breaking etc? I also did the not for touching thing with glass windows etc. I did redirection until she was over two I did not do time outs until she was older in my opinion she did not understand the concept so what was the point. At first I would put her in her crib until she calmed down but now she knows time out on the steps. I hate it when my friend?s toddlers would come over and they let them hit my glass door, push my water button on the fridge, etc. It is one thing that all kids will do it, they are toddlers, but it is another when the parent just says no with no explanation and then shrugs it off by saying he is a toddler. The child does not leanr. I got into an argument with a close friend when her two-year old smeared pickle juice all over my dining room chairs, I HATE pickles and I was pregnant with DD. She said to me he is only two what am I suppose to do I said for starters why is he not eating in a chair. It was not good. She swore I would see things differently once I had kids but I don?t and people commented all the time on how well DD listened in that regard. Once she learned, she never opened cabinets in other people?s houses, went up steps etc? Now if only she would start listening again now that she is three LOL.
we could be friends.
I 100% agree with all of this. not much baby-proofing here and just redirection. it is ALOT of work though!! but i know in the end it is better to put in the work now than later!

Yay a like-minded friend

. You are right in the end all of the work is worth it. BTW we too did very little baby-proofing with my daughter, mainly just plug covers and securing anything that could fall. I had one gate that I moved around as needed but pretty much only used it when we were renovating our kitchen to keep her in the living room and away from the mess. Our plan is to do the same this time around. My MIL keeps saying we need gates but I never leave the baby in a room by himself anyway, we don?t have any steps he could easily access if I turned my back for a second so I just don?t see the point. I like my gate-free house. I think it is important to teach them because the world is not baby-proofed. My friend?s daughter was a little over two and we were at a vacation home and out of the corner of my eye I see her daughter trying to climb the large corner TV cabinet, this thing could have very easily came crashing down on her child. I said to her husband grab her she is climbing the TV. He grabbed her and laughed saying ours has a gate around it and is attached I guess I did not think anything of it. It was almost like they were desensitized to the danger and their daughter was getting into everything because in her house she can touch and pull on everything it is all attached or gated off. Keeping children away from danger by baby proofing is important don?t get me wrong, but they also have to learn about the dangers and what not to do and touch.

DawnLilly · May 2013

We didn't baby proof much either. Plug covers, cabinet lock for under the sink, fridge bc he'd open it a crack and I wouldn't notice and the toilet seat because he can open that too.

I planned on using only distraction. I didn't expect him to have such a crazy long attention span. He can play with one toy for 45 min. This also means that when I distract him from a plug cover that he goes and gets a different one after the distraction. The other morning I just had to vacuum up a spill and I told him no referring to the cord. He walked away and before I was even finished brought me the phone charger that's plugged in in the bedroom! I like the idea of the word stop though.

kdjudd · May 2013

I believe in peaceful parenting. It is so important to respect your children and to show them compassion and understanding. As a child I was spanked and I always assumed that physical discipline was the only way to handle a child. However, now that I've read the research on all of the damage that does, I have changed my mind. Plus, when you spank a child it only makes them more angry and revengeful. I remember being so angry at my parents after they spanked me. It is dehumanizing.

anonsouthernbell · May 2013

acbfreire:
alizabethanne:
Positive discipline is our plan. Lots of communication and redirection when needed.
agreed!

us too..we also don't do time out or ppraise unconditional parenting by alfie kohn is a great researched based book on the subject.

anonsouthernbell · May 2013

kdjudd:
I believe in peaceful parenting. It is so important to respect your children and to show them compassion and understanding. As a child I was spanked and I always assumed that physical discipline was the only way to handle a child. However, now that I've read the research on all of the damage that does, I have changed my mind. Plus, when you spank a child it only makes them more angry and revengeful. I remember being so angry at my parents after they spanked me. It is dehumanizing.

agreed

anonsouthernbell · May 2013

Recd this today in an email and thought it was a great comparison:

It is interesting that this question came up because just yesterday morning I went to a parenting conference and Jane Nelson was speaking. Jane Nelson is the author of Positive Discipline which is a fantastic book for basic pd principles. Jane's talk focused on how over the years she has noticed parents using logical consequences that really are more like disguised punishment. For consequences to be logical they must be respectful, related, and reasonable. Example, child dumps out the entire box of crayon- the logical consequence is that the child cleans it up (with parents help if needed). And.... she urged parents to use logical consequences as a last resort... only after they have tried other approached first. She suggested that parents focus on solutions rather then consequences... The example she offered was this:

Child has dirty clothes thrown all over the floor. Mom has already asked child to pick up dirty clothes and put in the hamper. Mom comes in to find the dirty clothes everywhere.

Punishment response: If you do not pick up clothes you will go to timeout/be spanked.
Reward response: If you pick up clothes, I will give you a sticker/treat.
Natural consequence response: Mom does nothing (because hopefully eventually the child will get tired of having dirty clothes everywhere and no clean clothes to wear and child will put the dirty clothing in the hamper).
Logical Consequence: Mom tells child that if she is not able to take care of the clothing that already owns, she will not be able to buy her new clothing.
Solutions response: Mom says (kindly).... I already asked you to pick up the clothing and put in the hamper, I still see dirty clothes all over the floor.... what can I do to help you come up with a solution so that the dirty clothes are picked up?

How do you plan to discipline?

Re: How do you plan to discipline?

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