Upset at Niece

dragonfly711 · May 2013

Today is International Bereaved Mother's Day. I am doing pretty well after my MC back in February.

I saw a picture that said what today was so I posted it as my cover picture.

I know so many people who have had a loss and I feel people should be aware and that MC are more common than people know. Most people on FB do not know I had a MC. I thought the pic was so pretty and was nice to have a day for us mothers not just me.

I get an email this morning from my husbands niece.

heather, I want for you to move on, live in the present and look to the future. Don't dwell in the past. I'm not thrilled with you profile pic, to me it speaks volumes that your not okay. You shouldn't be feeling the need to announce your loss, but rather to focus on the positive and stay happy about being able to try again. I hope you take my words as love and positive reinforcement. Get up, get out, get on, life keeps going, keeps moving and changing. Stay strong, stay happy, stay positive. xoxox

I was kind of hurt by this email. I have not seen her in person since my MC I don't talk about in on fb. I just posted the picture never said snything about my mc. The thing that gets me is this person has had a MC and now had two kids.
How would you feel if you got this email? Am I upset for nothing or do you think I have the right to be a little hurt by it? I am not crying daily, I go to work, been in such a great mood and we are going to be TTC again.
Just would like some of your thoughts. Thanks!!

freakyfast · May 2013

Well to be honest her email hurt my feelings and I don't know her. I think you have every right to be upset. I'm sorry she felt that this email would help you. I wish there was something I could say to erase the pain this email caused you. Lots of HUGS to you. Which I feel your niece should have provided instead of that email. I apologize if I have spoken out of line. HUGS

dragonfly711 · May 2013

freakyfast:
Well to be honest her email hurt my feelings and I don't know her. I think you have every right to be upset. I'm sorry she felt that this email would help you. I wish there was something I could say to erase the pain this email caused you. Lots of HUGS to you. Which I feel your niece should have provided instead of that email. I apologize if I have spoken out of line. HUGS

Oh thank you. You have not spoken out of line at all. I was wondering if the email would be hurtful to someone else. I am in a good place right now so I am not crying about it. Just a bit hurt by her response. Thank you!!!

freakyfast · May 2013

It makes me smile that you are in a good place. Still I send you hugs!

jbasore1123 · May 2013

I thought the email was insulting. You can be in a good place, but still celebrate the child/children you lost. I would never respond to anyone's comments on Facebook that were like "happy father's day to my dad in heaven" or "happy birthday to mom. She would have been ___ today" in the way that she responded to you.

dragonfly711 · May 2013

jbasore1123:
I thought the email was insulting. You can be in a good place, but still celebrate the child/children you lost. I would never respond to anyone's comments on Facebook that were like "happy father's day to my dad in heaven" or "happy birthday to mom. She would have been ___ today" in the way that she responded to you. nbsp;

Thank you. Yeah I was totally shocked by her. She is the one that I would have thought would have said thinking of you or something to that nature.
I am good and I know I am standing up for something good!!

dragonfly711 · May 2013

freakyfast:
It makes me smile that you are in a good place. Still I send you hugs!

Thank you. Yes I am in a good place. Don't get me wrong I still think about it and have my days but for the most part I am in a good mood. Today I am great just cleaned the horses stalls and going to a cupcake festival with my mom!!!! Beautiful day!!!

Katie5295 · May 2013

I agree with PP. That email was totally out of line. And yes it did even hurt my feelings some though as PP said it was not meant for me nor do I know her. How awful of her. I think I would respond and let her know while to her, her email probably was meant to do good but it did no such thing and that she should either support you or keep her thoughts to herself.

I am so sorry.
::HUGS:;

dragonfly711 · May 2013

Katie5295:
I agree with PP. That email was totally out of line. And yes it did even hurt my feelings some though as PP said it was not meant for me nor do I know her. How awful of her. I think I would respond and let her know while to her, her email probably was meant to do good but it did no such thing and that she should either support you or keep her thoughts to herself.

I am so sorry.
::HUGS:;

Thanks. I actually just shrugged the email off. I responded by letting her know I am in a good place and that I feel that people should know about losses. I don't write about it on fb I just posted the pic. Most people on fb don't even know I MC so they might just think I am supporting others. Which I am as well.
Funny the last person I would expect to get an email from was her. She has one and her one daughter is very allergic to any legumes and she is always posting about peanut free this and that. I get it since her daughter could die. I guess that is why I thought she would be the one that would be supportive.
Thanks so much for your post. Have a great day!!!

dragonfly711 · May 2013

Katie5295:
I agree with PP. That email was totally out of line. And yes it did even hurt my feelings some though as PP said it was not meant for me nor do I know her. How awful of her. I think I would respond and let her know while to her, her email probably was meant to do good but it did no such thing and that she should either support you or keep her thoughts to herself.

Edit sorry I replied above.

I am so sorry.
::HUGS:;

Thanks I replied below w a long reply lol. Have a great day!!

mjcharpe · May 2013

freakyfast:
Well to be honest her email hurt my feelings and I don't know her. I think you have every right to be upset. I'm sorry she felt that this email would help you. I wish there was something I could say to erase the pain this email caused you. Lots of HUGS to you. Which I feel your niece should have provided instead of that email. I apologize if I have spoken out of line. HUGS

Ditto! She deserves a TP! **Hugs**

dragonfly711 · May 2013

mjcharpe:
freakyfast:
Well to be honest her email hurt my feelings and I don't know her. I think you have every right to be upset. I'm sorry she felt that this email would help you. I wish there was something I could say to erase the pain this email caused you. Lots of HUGS to you. Which I feel your niece should have provided instead of that email. I apologize if I have spoken out of line. HUGS
Ditto! She deserves a TP! **Hugs** 

Thank you!!!

dragonfly711 · May 2013

bandteacher:
jbasore1123:
I thought the email was insulting. You can be in a good place, but still celebrate the child/children you lost. I would never respond to anyone's comments on Facebook that were like "happy father's day to my dad in heaven" or "happy birthday to mom. She would have been ___ today" in the way that she responded to you.
 
Exactly. Would you tell someone with a dead parent that it's time to move on and never mention the loss again? WTF.
OP, I'm glad you're in a good place right now.

Yeah I know. My dad passed 9 yrs ago so I guess I should not think about him and not mention him on his bday or Father's Day. Every year since my dad passed I got the his grave o Memorial Day since he was buried in the Verans Section. My hubby always goes with me. I think it is a great way to remember my dad. Wonder what she would say about that.

Thanks so much for your reply. I must be I a good place because I am hurt by the email but I am not super upset by it.

dragonfly711 · May 2013

Pink021:
I saw you mentioned this post on TTCAL...wow, that email was crazy hurtful : HUGS

Thanks for your reply. Yeah so took me off guard this morning Especially since she also had a lost. A few years ago.

dragonfly711 · May 2013

hercules03:
What a jerk!! That's crazy rude. I'd be telling her off. Screw her. Nobody understands how hard it is. My first m/c was four years ago. Is till yearn for the baby and think about how old he or she may have been. :

Yeah. I was totally shocked with her reply. She knows how it feels she had a MC. Plus she has not seen me or talked to me so she has no idea how I am doing.

I have such a different view of her now.

Missy1206 · May 2013

Why don't you unfriend her on FB if she does not support you or does not want to see your posts. She is an idiot. Sorry for your loss.

docamy2011 · May 2013

I also saw you mention this on TTCAL and I'm so sorry she wrote this to you. I also find it a little insulting that instead of asking you how you were she just assumed you weren't doing good. She has no right to tell you it's time for you to move on. NO ONE can tell you when it is time to be healed. Healing takes time and that amount of time is going to be different for everyone. You have every right to grieve!! I'm so glad you are doing good!! And YAY for TTC again!!

PS I also posted a pic of this on fb and agree that people need to be aware of what today is!!

dragonfly711 · May 2013

docamy2011:
I also saw you mention this on TTCAL and I'm so sorry she wrote this to you. nbsp;I also find it a little insulting that instead of asking you how you were she just assumed you weren't doing good. nbsp;She has no right to tell you it's time for you to move on. nbsp;NO ONE can tell you when it is time to be healed. nbsp;Healing takes time and that amount of time is going to be different for everyone. nbsp;You have every right to grieve!! I'm so glad you are doing good!! nbsp;And YAY for TTC again!!nbsp;PS I also posted a pic of this on fb and agree that people need to be aware of what today is!! nbsp;

Oh thank you and I am glad you also posted a pic on fb. That was what my intent was to have people be aware and for others in our situation. Thanks again.

dragonfly711 · May 2013

Missy1206:
Why don't you unfriend her on FB if she does not support you or does not want to see your posts.nbsp; She is an idiot.nbsp; Sorry for your loss.nbsp; nbsp;

That thought has crossed my mind. Still thinking on what I want to do. Sad since her kids come over and ride the quads in our fields ect.

AlwaysSunny08 · May 2013

Wow. I would be so hurt by that email. It's only been 3 months since your miscarriage. I can't believe that someone who has been through having a miscarriage could be so insensitive. Big hugs.

dragonfly711 · May 2013

AlwaysSunny08:
Wow. I would be so hurt by that email. It's only been 3 months since your miscarriage. I can't believe that someone who has been through having a miscarriage could be so insensitive. Big hugs.

Yeah and not even 3 months yet sice it was the end of Feb. I would have thought she would be the one to email me to support me. Guess I was wrong. Thanks for your post

hotrodvixen61 · May 2013

I find that email to be so rude and out of line. Who the hell does she think she is? I would tell her that until she shows some respect and apologizes she can't come over. Also, if she cared at all she would have seen you since you lost your LO but she hasn't. You are a better woman than me...I think I would slap her! Actually, you could tell her the only way to get "over it" would be to slap her. haha

dragonfly711 · May 2013

hotrodvixen61:
I find that email to be so rude and out of line. Who the hell does she think she is? I would tell her that until she shows some respect and apologizes she can't come over. Also, if she cared at all she would have seen you since you lost your LO but she hasn't. You are a better woman than me...I think I would slap her! Actually, you could tell her the only way to get "over it" would be to slap her. haha

Yeah, I know, I did reply back to her email but I have not heard anything back to her. I dont see her too often anyway and not sure how i will be when I do talk to her but I probably will say something. I am not confrontational but have to admit this did hurt.

margoptaylorton · May 2013

Wow, I'm just in awe that someone could be so insensitive. And really, with ALL the crazy stuff that people post on facebook, THAT'S what she annoyed by? My real feeling is that she didn't like being reminded of her own loss and she took it out on you, but I could be completely off base. I would probably unfriend her also. You need support and love from your family in this time, not being told to hurry up and get over it.

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