Telling Family?

Jellyfish42 · May 2013

So, a few months back, I "came out" about our IF issues to my dad. I couldn't help wanting to tell him what we were struggling with and he has been in the loop about us moving forward with testing and treatments soon. I am very close to my father, and share most things with him, so I broke down and told him what was going on. He was so supportive and understanding, as he always is, how could I not? Now, my husband has been talking about telling his family since my dad is now "in the know" but I can't agree to it. I fear his family will be a lot less understanding about what is going on. I would prefer his side not know because I am afraid we'd get more pressure since they'd know we were actually trying. Not to mention, SIL is pregnant, and I feel like she (maybe others) would turn it around suggesting we came out with this news because we wanted to take some of the attention away from her. (She has always been a bit attention-grabby.) How do I successfully communicate that his family should not know, and justify that when I have already shared with my own father?

EML2011 · May 2013

I think your DH deserves to have someone to talk to about the stresses of IF. If you don't think his family would give the type of support that you and he needs then maybe you two should discuss someone else...

Jellyfish42 · May 2013

I am not suggesting he couldn't speak to someone. We have good friends of ours who also know. He just suggested it wasn't fair that his family didn't get to know. (My whole family doesn't know, just my dad.) I want to be supportive of his feelings but I loathe the thought of his family's reactions.

RunCC37 · May 2013

I agree with Talon that you both should be on the same page before sharing with anyone new. Personally, I don't mind talking about my situation with anyone as long as I know they will be totally supportive. I don't want to open up to anyone who won't be sensitive, so we don't talk about it with everyone. We've told my family but not DH's. We probably will tell my MIL soon but not FIL because I don't think he and his wife will get it. Good luck!

Jellyfish42 · May 2013

My DH and my dad are pretty close, as far as FIL and SonIL goes, so DH didn't have any problem with me sharing with my dad. I realize now I failed to mention we had a discussion about telling my dad and DH was on board. He just doesn't see why its a big deal not to discuss it with all of our families. I told him I am being very selective about family, because we don't know who will be completely supportive and sensitive to the fact that we are going through a tough time. My FIL and his GF would completely miss the point of being sensitive, and MIL, while she may be supportive, is just too damn excited about getitng a grandkid that I am seriously afraid we'd never hear the end of her "help" and asking if we're pregnant yet. I told him its the same for my side of the family (with exception to my dad) we haven't told my grandmother, because while she would be supportive, she'd tell the ENTIRE family what was going on with our struggles. Maybe I should just announce it on facebook, let everyone get it out of their systems and never address anyone again. Lol.

curlylocks3 · May 2013

I don't consider sharing about IF to be tit for tat. There is no way that I would be ok with my ILs knowing what we are going through right now, and don't know if I will ever be ok with it. Fortunately, H is on the same page about it. He hasn't felt the need to talk to anyone about it yet but recently started bringing up a few friends he thinks would be understanding and supportive.

Perhaps talk to him about why you aren't comfortable sharing this with them right now and see if you two can get on the same page. I know you said a close friend knows, but maybe he doesn't feel comfortable talking to that person about it and there is someone else you can both be ok with.

Jellyfish42 · May 2013

Thanks for the great advice. I will sit down with him and discussion with him. I know we can come up with some sort of compromise. I want him to feel like he's being supported too.

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