Time with your LOs

aetg · May 2013

I'm just wondering how many of you AP parents prioritize spending time with your kiddos. I work full time and so does my husband, but we split the time we are working so our son is with one of us for four days out of the week. Even so, I have a really hard time making weekend plans that don't involve my son. I feel too bad about not seeing him during the week.

I think I was rude to a coworker this week though for acting super surprised that she would leave here baby and toddler to go to Six Flags for the day on the weekend. I didn't mean to be judgy it's just not something I would really have considered. I think I offended her, but this is something that really bugs me much more so than sleep training, breastfeeding, etc.

mb314 · May 2013

I work full time and DS is in daycare full time, so I try to maximize my time with him during the evenings and weekends. That said, everyone needs a break sometimes. I occasionally go out on weekend late afternoon/evenings or for brunch to meet friends, but I try to be home for bedtime and I rarely go out on my own if DH can't watch DS. Now that DS is almost 8 months I would like to start having more date nights because we've only had a few. But then again, I would try to go out after DS goes to sleep or near his bedtime so that I've spent a decent amount of time with him.

Now, I would maybe, once a summer, leave DS with a family member (not a babysitter but a grandparent or close family member that I want DS to bond with) to go to Six Flags for a full day or something comparable. It would be a nice break. But I certainly wouldn't make a habit of it. My birthday is during the summer, and I hope to take a weekday off and bring DS to daycare so DH and I can go kayaking. Kayaking is something I love to do, but can't do now that we have DS, so I feel like leaving him once a summer or once every few months isn't a big deal.

But yes, in general, I try to make weekend plans that are baby friendly. That's not too hard for me because most of my friends have babies too.

mb314 · May 2013

Actually, I just realized that I hadn't thought through my situation, and right now I wouldn't go to Six Flags and I don't think I can go kayaking because I'm still nursing. It's not worth it to me to bring my pump on such all day outings. That said, next summer, when I'm done with pumping, I would take an opportunity like those on rare occasions.

st.augbride · May 2013

I think it is healthy to take opportunities for adult fun when you can. We have no family in the area, so we never get date nights or days out unless someone is in town visiting or we travel to family. What we try to do is when they are in daycare, we sometimes (though not very often) take a day off so we can do something fun together during the day. I do feel guilty knowing they're in daycare while we do this, but it's really the only chance we get.

cpmich · May 2013

Actually we don't make plans without our son because honestly we enjoy being around him and don't want to spend the time without him. There will be plenty of alone time when he is older. The years are flying by now and he gets more independent every day.

SandiaPinaMama · May 2013

1. DS LOVES his DCP and his DC friends. There are times when I could take him with me or take him to DC. Then I often think of his needs/wants. We live in the boonies, so a trip to Target is at least a 3 hour gig. 3 hours in the car/shopping cart or 3 hours playing with his 3 BFFs? Not a hard choice for me, except that sometimes I selfishly want him to come hang out with me.

2. When DS was nursing, he and I were stuck together like glue. Anything that involved more pumping would have had to be pretty amazing. I think DH and I went away for 1 night during those 16 months.

3. My ILs and I don't get along at all, but it's still important for DS to have a relationship with them. So, sometimes he'll go over there for a few hours on a Saturday. I try to make the most of those times.

I guess all that to say that I think that people make the choices that the need to to do whatever is in the best interest of their children, including taking a day off sometimes.

ForeverEverAfter · May 2013

I understand your surprise, though to each their own. I have only had one evening away from LO (Valentines supper) because Im still on mat leave and she doesn't take a bottle. Even if she did I wouldn't go away for a whole weekend, because I can take her pretty much anywhere. Its important to me to be there for her when she needs me. My step brother and his wife went to a wedding in Cuba (week long trip) when their kids were 3 months and 3 yrs. My stepmom watched them and the 3 month old had such a hard time

aetg · May 2013

I did mention that she is seven months pregnant, right? So she won't actually be able to do anything except sit beside the wave pool.....

Well to each his own. Certainly everyone needs some free time to themselves that isn't at work occasionally.

Ms. Lisi · May 2013

aetg:
I'm just wondering how many of you AP parents prioritize spending time with your kiddos. I work full time and so does my husband, but we split the time we are working so our son is with one of us for four days out of the week. Even so, I have a really hard time making weekend plans that don't involve my son. I feel too bad about not seeing him during the week.
I think I was rude to a coworker this week though for acting super surprised that she would leave here baby and toddler to go to Six Flags for the day on the weekend. I didn't mean to be judgy it's just not something I would really have considered. I think I offended her, but this is something that really bugs me much more so than sleep training, breastfeeding, etc.

I am a SAHM, so I get to spend all day with my LO. I feel that you were super judgy of your co-worker. You said you try not to be, but then you finished the statement with "but this is something that really bugs me much more so than sleep training, breastfeeding, etc." How is that not judgy?

Everyone does what works for them when it comes to caring for their children. The only thing that really bothers me about other moms is how they judge other people. It isn't your business how she spends her time. As mothers we should be supportive. There is not a war between attachment parents and other parents. No one gets a medal at the end of it.

jk382 · May 2013

I stay at home with my son during the week and I work on Saturday. I am a nurse and I am fortunate to have a super flexible schedule. Even with all the time that I spend with him, I miss him while I am at work. Kids are only little once, right! I don't think you were being judgmental. However every parent has a different way of doing things and what works for one family may not work for another.

SandiaPinaMama · May 2013

Ms. Lisi:
aetg:
I'm just wondering how many of you AP parents prioritize spending time with your kiddos. I work full time and so does my husband, but we split the time we are working so our son is with one of us for four days out of the week. Even so, I have a really hard time making weekend plans that don't involve my son. I feel too bad about not seeing him during the week.
I think I was rude to a coworker this week though for acting super surprised that she would leave here baby and toddler to go to Six Flags for the day on the weekend. I didn't mean to be judgy it's just not something I would really have considered. I think I offended her, but this is something that really bugs me much more so than sleep training, breastfeeding, etc.

*Thumbs up*

I am a SAHM, so I get to spend all day with my LO. I feel that you were super judgy of your co-worker. You said you try not to be, but then you finished the statement with "but this is something that really bugs me much more so than sleep training, breastfeeding, etc." How is that not judgy?
Everyone does what works for them when it comes to caring for their children. The only thing that really bothers me about other moms is how they judge other people. It isn't your business how she spends her time. As mothers we should be supportive. There is not a war between attachment parents and other parents. No one gets a medal at the end of it.

erbear · May 2013

Meh. You were rude.

It's a balance. I work full time, so I don't see my kids for more than 2-3 hours on most days (and that's a good day, when we get home at 4). I like to spend that time with them, and on weekends, we usually do things as a family. But I also have to have some time for myself too, and I don't think twice about going for a run every day on the weekend or going away with my husband or my friends a few weekends a year.

Your way might be the right way for you, but it's not the right way for everyone, and you have no right to judge someone else's parenting.

st.augbride · May 2013

aetg:

I did mention that she is seven months pregnant, right? So she won't actually be able to do anything except sit beside the wave pool.....

Well to each his own. Certainly everyone needs some free time to themselves that isn't at work occasionally.

Ok, well while I do think it's fine to get your alone time in, what a dumb place to go at 7 months pregnant! lol

skibunny59 · May 2013

ClaryPax:
I don't think it is healthy to never get time to yourself or for your marriage and spend all your time with your child. I do understand wanting to spend time with your child and missing them when you work, but I don't see why it would bug you if a co-worker took one day to herself once in a while.

All of this! DH and I both work full time so we try to maximize our time with DD. However, every once in awhile we need time to ourselves. We do a date night about once every 2 months and I'll do a girl's night out with friends about once every 3 months. I don't feel guilty about it. I know couples who go out on dates and go out with friends WAY more than we do.

blu-eyedwife · May 2013

erbear:
It's a balance. I work full time, so I don't see my kids for more than 2-3 hours on most days (and that's a good day, when we get home at 4). I like to spend that time with them, and on weekends, we usually do things as a family. But I also have to have some time for myself too, and I don't think twice about going for a run every day on the weekend or going away with my husband or my friends a few weekends a year.

This is me/us. We both work full time so my son is in daycare every day. On the weekends we try to do a combination of family time and alone. I go for runs - solo or with friends, DH goes surfing - solo or with friends, both weekend days and we take turns so one of us is with the babe. I go out to dinner with my friends a couple times a month. I think that as much as I absolutely adore my son, raising him is certainly work in that it is physically and emotionally draining. And I think that, like with anything else, you can burn out if you don't take time for yourself to recharge.

kcisthebombdotcom · May 2013

I can't fully relate since I sah. However, if my dh said we could never spend a day away from our kids ever to do something we enjoyed pre kids it would not end well. I don't think that's a healthy relationship at all IMO.

i mean, I might judge someone who works full time and leaves their kid every Saturday with grandma from 8-6 to do the activities they enjoy. A couple doing this occasionally is doing their family a much bigger favor than those who don't IMO.

I think you can prioritize time with your kids but also take time on occasion to spend one on on time with your spouse-the two aren't mutually exclusive. I would think in your situation it's even more imperative for the health of your marriage to take some alone time together. Instead of judging your coworker I think you should do what she does.

outnumbered · May 2013

st.augbride:
aetg:

I did mention that she is seven months pregnant, right? So she won't actually be able to do anything except sit beside the wave pool.....

Well to each his own. Certainly everyone needs some free time to themselves that isn't at work occasionally.

Ok, well while I do think it's fine to get your alone time in, what a dumb place to go at 7 months pregnant! lol

Sitting next to a pool and relaxing sounds good to me. She has two children and one on the way. In 3 months she will not be going anywhere. She is taking a break while she can and maybe she is reconnecting with friends to maintain healthy adult relationships.

sooner1981 · May 2013

fredalina:
I agreed with you a lot the first year or so. I didn't want much time away and LO was really portable. Toddlerhood was tough, though, so going out and leaving LO with grandparents for an evening was more treasured. I still would have had a hard time leaving her for a day. Now I feel like LO understands we will come back, enjoys time away from us also, and the relationships she can build with a grandparent or other family member are very valuable. We will hire a sitter for an evening or a few hours in the afternoon occasionally, but not long stretches unless it's a relative. But seriously she adores it as much as we do. At 1 that would not have been so, kwim? I used to think a coworker was odd because he and his wife would take the day off to go mountain biking together while the kids were in daycare. Now I think he's a genius, because they got special adult alone time to so something they both loved to do, and which they couldn't really do or not to the same level with the kids, and the kids kept their normal schedule so it didn't affect them negatively at all the way an all day outing with a sitter might have. But even that once in a while is pretty healthy.

This is a beautiful explanation. It is good for both kids and parents to occassionally spend time with other people in their worlds who they love and care for--even sitters can come to be part of the extended family. Growing up, my parents served on the board of our public school foundation and we would have a sitter about every third Wednesday night during the school year. My siblings and I would literally get ridiculously excited when that Wednesday came (we would even look at my mom's calendar to count down the days until "Colleen" came!) We would make big plans for the awesome fun that we would have with this "high school girl," who was obviously so much more "cool" than our parents! We seriously loved her, and I am still close with her today. She was no less a member of the extended village that raised me than my blood relatives.

erbear · May 2013

mooshagirl:
I really strive to spend most of my free time with my kids. I work 3 days a week, so if I am going to have a night out or some kind of activity away from the kids, I really try to schedule it for the evening of one of my days off so that I don't go a whole day without seeing them. Personally, I am not comfortable with my kids spending more awake hours without me than with me in a given week, hence why I only work 3 days a week. But, to each parent their own.

See, now that's judgy.

Everyusernameistaken · May 2013

erbear:
mooshagirl:
I really strive to spend most of my free time with my kids. I work 3 days a week, so if I am going to have a night out or some kind of activity away from the kids, I really try to schedule it for the evening of one of my days off so that I don't go a whole day without seeing them. Personally, I am not comfortable with my kids spending more awake hours without me than with me in a given week, hence why I only work 3 days a week. But, to each parent their own.
See, now that's judgy.

Very judgy indeed! Comments like this and the OP (seriously, judging a pregnant mom for taking ONE DAY OFF??) are what give us APers a reputation as sanctimonious and judgemental.

sooner1981 · May 2013

mooshagirl:
I really strive to spend most of my free time with my kids. I work 3 days a week, so if I am going to have a night out or some kind of activity away from the kids, I really try to schedule it for the evening of one of my days off so that I don't go a whole day without seeing them. Personally, I am not comfortable with my kids spending more awake hours without me than with me in a given week, hence why I only work 3 days a week. But, to each parent their own.

Yes, since my husband and I both work, we clearly don't love our kiddos as much as you--but that is okay with you, because "to each parent their own."

Being AP is not about how many hours you put into it--it is about the intent and the quality behind those hours. I hope you are never in a situation where both you and your husband need to work full time and you have to look back on your words tonight...

boogerbearoriginal · May 2013

Bwahahahaha. I love all the "I couldn't leave my precious babies, but it's ok for other parents I guess."

OP, why do you even care how your coworker spends her free time? It's none of your business if she spends every weekend away from her kids, and it sounds like you were rude to her. If I had two kids and a third on the way, my pregnant butt would be poolside sans kiddos for a day if possible. Sounds like a much needed break especially if she's working FT.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with children spending time with other adults, be it grandparents, aunts/uncles, or even family friends and babysitters. It is healthy and good for children to have quality ties with people outside their parents. The whole "it takes a village" cliche, and all that.

Before LO was 1yr, I didn't spend more than a few hours away for an occasional date night with H but that was logistical as much as anything else since he was nursing. It's not much fun to lug a pump around. Now, that LO is older I have no qualms about doing things for myself, with my friends, with my H, with just LO, and with my family. It's about finding the right balance that works for each family, there is no one right way to parent and live your life.

Maybe hop down from your high horse and next time just reply "Oh that sounds relaxing!" and saved the judgment.

skibunny59 · May 2013

mooshagirl:
I really strive to spend most of my free time with my kids. I work 3 days a week, so if I am going to have a night out or some kind of activity away from the kids, I really try to schedule it for the evening of one of my days off so that I don't go a whole day without seeing them. Personally, I am not comfortable with my kids spending more awake hours without me than with me in a given week, hence why I only work 3 days a week. But, to each parent their own.

You are very lucky that you only have to work 3 days a week. Not everyone is as fortunate as you are. I know you didn't mean anything by it but your comment did come off as judgy. Like many other good mothers out there, I have to work fulltime. I hate the fact that I have to work fulltime but I really have no choice. And even though I work fulltime once in awhile I do like to take some time for myself.

twocents6708 · May 2013

Both DH and I work full time. DD goes to daycare four days a week and spends the other day off each week with me or with her grandparents. I do make every effort to spend my time with my daughter as much as possible. I have turned down many opportunities for fun over the past year since she was born as I want to cherish the time we do have together. That being said,DH and I do schedule a date night every 4-6 weeks and sometimes, that includes DD sleeping over at grandma and grandpa's house. She loves it, they love it and DH and I are able to reconnect. I don't see anything wrong with it every once in a while. We all parent differently and I think that we need to take it easy on other parents who are trying to do their best for themselves and their kids. I agree that you were perhaps a bit rude. Personally, if I was to judge other scenarios, I would probably think worse of someone who was doing strict sleep training or harsh discipline before I thought anything of someone who planned a date away from their kids for a day.

Babybear70 · May 2013

cpmich:
Actually we don't make plans without our son because honestly we enjoy being around him and don't want to spend the time without him. There will be plenty of alone time when he is older. The years are flying by now and he gets more independent every day.

This is exactly how I feel. It is almost more stress on me than it is worth to leave him when during the weekends that is really the only time I get to spend with him since I work full time and he is in daycare. I don't feel like I need the break. My break is during his naps and coming to work when I can run errands on lunch. But that is just me. I don't want to miss a moment. I feel like I already miss so much during the week.

Want a personalized experience?

Time with your LOs

Re: Time with your LOs

Choose Another Board

Search Boards