MIL troubles
kmrort
member
So the subject of my baby shower has come up as I'm about half way through with this pregnancy. My sister along with my aunt and her granddaughter want to throw one. I have no problem with this. My problem comes when my MIL wants to be a part of the planning when a) she doesn't live in the same state; b) she told me not to expect one from her side of the family (which is fine with me); and c) my aunt and 2nd cousin don't know her. She has already dictated that my invitations have to include a note to all of her family (everyone lives out of state) that "we understand you cannot make it but want you to feel included. Also, expect a meet and greet shower with the baby coming soon."
So I have read before that you don't need to include a note to out of state invitees about not being able to attend, it's implied. BUT My husband and I have told her no to a meet and greet shower after the baby is born. We are against it. I don't want a shower after the baby is born after we send that side invitations to our in-town shower. I don't want to pass my newborn around in a different state to people I don't know very well. We have told her no over and over.
Anyway, I just want to vent about it. Maybe I'm being ungrateful.
Re: MIL troubles
I am guessing there is a little bit more to this story.
a) I think it's nice that your MIL wants to help planning. Maybe give her something like organizing games and / or prizes (Baby Bingo, celeb baby name trivia etc) so it's something she can do independently.
b) Tell her the invitations are already printed up, and she can pass that info word of mouth to her side of the family.
c) In re: a meet and greet-- if you are really against one, simply decline. She can't make you have a party, right? Get your H involved if need be.
GL
BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12
Got it.
As long as you and your H are a united front, I am sure it will be fine.
BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12
My take? She can "dictate" and insist all she wants, but when it comes down to it- none of this is actually in her control, right? She isn't actually sending out the invites, right? And as a PP said, she can't force you to throw a party OR attend a party she throws.
"Thanks for your idea", "we have it under control", "we won't be throwing a party", "we won't be able to attend a party on that date", "no", etc.
Don't argue, don't explain, don't justify. State the facts and leave it be.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Yup. She has no say in a shower someone else is hosting.
Whoa. She sounds intense. I agree there does not need to be a special note to out of town guests. I think she needs to hear something along the lines of, "Thanks for offering to help. Between my sister, aunt, etc. they have more than enough help so I think all the bases are covered. But I really hope you can attend and join us in this special day." She doesn't get to dictate what the invitations say or anything else. As far as the meet and greet goes, I think at this point H needs to step in and set some boundaries. "Thank you for the offer, but we're not comfortable with the meet and greet. Please accept our decision".
Good Luck!
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Actually, there are several family members who are expecting that I am close to and I would be hurt if I didn't get an invite to their baby showers (and I live in another state!). I would go though...so maybe that is different. I know I invited all of my relatives because they would have been hurt as well. It is just something we do in my family. Because of the distance we kind of look at it as a "family reunion" of sorts.
Yes, but your H knows them because they are his family. And they are now your family too, I don't see why you can't use the baby, perhaps after the first round of vaccines or something, as an opportunity to get to know your husband's family better.
I don't see what is so troubling about this situation.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
This for me. My husband has family members that I did not know that we invited to our wedding. I also have some extended family and friends of my dad's that got invited that I did not know very well. All except 1 came.
All of the bold. I have out of state family and we have showers for all kids in our family. One of my aunts who had already told my step mom she was not coming to our shower when we were looking at dates was upset she did not get an invite anyways. She still wanted one so she could do something special.
I see your point, I do. But we're walking about putting the baby on a plane from Houston in the wintertime and traveling to NJ. My MIL is determined that this needs to take place around the holidays. It's just I'm not comfortable with this. We talked to her about when the baby is older, having something small then.
Thanks to everyone for responding. It's refreshing to see other sides.
Personally, the traveling thing would depend on how old the baby would be. If DS had his 2 month shots, I would consider it. If he didn't have his two month shots, I certainly would not have taken him on a plane to anywhere. Not to mention, flying to the East Coast around the holidays is such a pain, so that would have definitely have deterred me from wanting to travel with a newborn.