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THe instigator.

LoveEeyoreLoveEeyore member
in Pre-School and Daycare

So I know that little brothers can be absolute boogers.  My DH was the master of antagonizing his sister.  That is what they do.  My son has mastered the art of antagonizing his sisters with the tiniest gesture or sound, things you can't really punish him for.  Like twitching.  He is the master.

 DD#2 simply says "I know you are trying to annoy me, but you just look silly," and every time she breaks out into hysterical laughing and then the two of them take turns being silly. 

DD#1, however, always my angel eager to please, eager to help, has gone off the deep end.  He can get her goat by simply looking at what she's holding then locking eye contact and giggling.  At school a special needs classmate tried to choke her and she somehow got up and hugged him to calm him down.  But if her brother giggles, she turns into rage. I go after her and direct her tone/words, but have begun to tell her that I do see what she's dealing with but she is at fault for choosing to use hands and words in anger.  So on and so forth. 

I do address being a booger with him and tell him upsetting someone for fun is not allowed, blah blah, but I focus on teaching her to chill before she lashes.  Any tips for temper control?  Other than this issue, she is reasonable, flexible. tolerant.

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Re: THe instigator.

  • KathrynMDKathrynMD member

    Can you find a quick command/phrase for her to focus/pause her?

    My BIL always tells his kids to "take 5!" when they start fighting. It sort of breaks the tension between the two of them - and he tells the kid who's on the receiving end to "take 5" and then he deals w/ the instigator, while the other one chills out somewhere else.

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  • LoveEeyoreLoveEeyore member
    imageKathrynMD:

    Can you find a quick command/phrase for her to focus/pause her?

    My BIL always tells his kids to "take 5!" when they start fighting. It sort of breaks the tension between the two of them - and he tells the kid who's on the receiving end to "take 5" and then he deals w/ the instigator, while the other one chills out somewhere else.

    That is a thought.  We always mediate arguments with everyone in the room until both agree on the story. The problem is they don't really fight (in this instance), he pushes her numbers without really breaking any rules, makes sure she hits the roof and then vanishes.  Sigh.

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  • LoveEeyoreLoveEeyore member
    image-auntie-:

    Have you tried to get her to visualize her response to him on a scale of 1-5? Being able to step back and assign a value to her anger- and recognize why he gets to her- might interupt it.

    Another option, the one that worked at my house, was to take the Michelle Winner Garcia thinking to the next level. Talk with her about why she is giving her little brother so much power in her life. That really clicked for DS.

    OH MY- You are brilliant.  Down in my professional library I think I have a book for kids on the spectrum doing just that- on the front is a stick figure and there is a color scale behind him with the numbers going up... I used that with a kiddo a thousand lifetimes ago... I will pull that out.  THat will totally work with her.

    I talk to her often how she is rewarding him for his bad behavior with her excitement.  But I will think about it the MWG way- that helps me address her accountability for her own behavior. 

     Thank you so much for the rating idea... I'm going down to dig out that book now.

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