Transgender parenting

ethanethan · April 2013

I've searched the boards and have come up empty - any other transgender parents out there?

mollykelley · April 2013

Hi there! We are an Lgbt board so all are welcome! There is an intro from about a week ago from hgsa who identifies as a transman. Feel free to make an intro on here and you may get some responses.

Welcome! Where are you in the TTC journey?

hgsa · April 2013

Hey! Like Mollykelley said, I posted a week or so ago. I mostly lurk around but if you have any questions or just feel like talking please feel free to message me! Everyone on this board so far has been very friendly and helpful!

doodah1013 · April 2013

Hello!
I identify as trans... But on the queer spectrum. The best way I can describe it is.... I am an independent, but I caucus with the boys. I am super excited to be a trans parent. We are still ttc, and that is complicated because of all the emotions come with not having all the essential ingredients to make a baby. But my wife and I have been very open and when I am sad and frustrated she listens. Excited to meet any other trans parents to be!

hgsa · April 2013

doodah1013:
Hello! I identify as trans... But on the queer spectrum. The best way I can describe it is.... I am an independent, but I caucus with the boys. I am super excited to be a trans parent. We are still ttc, and that is complicated because of all the emotions come with not having all the essential ingredients to make a baby. But my wife and I have been very open and when I am sad and frustrated she listens. Excited to meet any other trans parents to be!

I guess I didn't fully explain how I identify haha but your post reminded me to do so! I don't actually id as transgender because for the most part I was raised male and free to be who I have always seen myself to be. I actually id as male with a medical issue that will soon be fixed (I will actually be mia for a few days starting friday because I am off to San Fran to have bottom surgery). I know what you mean doodad1013 about not having the essential ingredients. It frustrated me for quite some time but my wife and I talked through things also. This is the first board I have seen with a variety of ids and orientations that is also super friendly and welcoming!

Acesuperstar · April 2013

I am a trans parent to be.......it is very very hard to find a trans board......the other board im on is baby center trans group but they dont post a lot....so excuse me if you respond and i dont respond for awhile.....

ethanethan · April 2013

Hello! We're on the first cycle of IUI right now.. in the waiting stage to see if she is pregnant. We also co-parent a 5 year old from her previous relationship. Thanks for responding!

ethanethan · April 2013

Thanks! My partner and I are TTC and also co-parent a 5 year old from her previous relationship. The things I'm thinking of right now are how to come out to my kid from the beginning. A friend of mine has a scrapbook he started, with the story of how they conceived. He's decided that it's important his kid know he's trans from the start. I feel similarly, but I also know how much the 5yr old talks to other adults and her classmates at school - i'm not stealth, but i'd like to choose who knows about my trans status. It's hard to tell a toddler or small kid about privacy. We don't do "secrets" because of the danger of sexual assault and not telling an adult.

Do you have kids, and are you out with them from the start?

ethanethan · April 2013

Hello! I also ID as trans and queer. I also feel similar emotions about not having my DNA be helpful. When we went to insem, the nurse asked why we didn't use the same specimen as before (my partner used the same clinic with her first child). I felt really upset that we were even asked, but I told them that we wanted the baby to look like me, not like my partner's previous partner/co-parent. I mean, honestly.. it was so rude.

SDW · May 2013

ethanethan:
Hello! I also ID as trans and queer. I also feel similar emotions about not having my DNA be helpful. When we went to insem, the nurse asked why we didn't use the same specimen as before (my partner used the same clinic with her first child). I felt really upset that we were even asked, but I told them that we wanted the baby to look like me, not like my partner's previous partner/co-parent. I mean, honestly.. it was so rude.

Seriously?THAT'S WHACK. I'm sorry that happened to you.

Acesuperstar · May 2013

I know how that "wait time" goes.....2 weeks of nerves and stress. I hope you two are doing well and I hope it works out!!!!!

ethanethan · May 2013

Seriously?THAT'S WHACK. I'm sorry that happened to you.

Yeah! I think it's the dynamic of a doctor's office sometimes. I feel less inclined to be assertive.. There's a real power imbalance.

hgsa · May 2013

That is terrible! The first dr we saw had a million questions about my surgical status rather than making a baby. We switched to the other dr immediately who never questioned it or made things uncomfortable. There are a ton of ways to explain this to a kid. I have heard of the scrapbook idea and another clever couple wrote and illustrated a book to explain things to their kid.

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