Blended Families

Sometimes I hate being stuck in the middle (vent)

This concerns the blended family I grew up in and my sister who is estranged to pretty much everyone but me. She does send my grandmother Christmas cards, ect. So her oldest son (my oldest nephew) was in a severe car accident yesterday early am (around midnight Tues night). He rolled his car multiple times and then wrapped it around a tree. He just turned 21 in April. When the wrecker pulled his car out the tree came with it that is how bad it was wrapped. He is luckily okay for the most part. Has a concussion, complex fracture through the skin in one leg which he had surgery on late afternoon.

So of course I had to call and tell my dad. He of course was very concerned.

I just hate being stuck in the middle sometimes. About 10 years ago, our grandfather passed, I called my sister on behalf of my grandmother and told her and said that grandmother would like her there. Then that was right before my sister stopped talking to me again for a few years. She was confused and upset because she knew him as a kid but had only seen him a few times as an adult. My grandmother is not all there (she's almost 90) and when my dad had his stroke a few years back, she mentioned something about it in a card to my sister like my sister is still around him. Then sister calls me to get the details. I wasn't sure if she would want me to tell her or not since the ordeal over my grandfather's death. So of course when my dad was diagnosed with MS and ended up on permanent disablility I told her.  I can't not tell my dad that his grandchild was in a car wreck and I can't not tell my sister that our brother died when I'm the only way either of them will find this out. I had to make a separate trip to the hospital with my sister so she could go see my brother to say goodbye and I would make sure my dad wasn't around. I wish they would both just grow up sometimes. He cares about her and she cares about him they are just stubborn.

I hate the way both of them act like they were both wronged by the other and too good to apologize and get over it. This has been going on for probably around 19 years. The last time I remember them together was at this nephew's 2nd birthday. Their "fight" happened sometime after that over the phone.

Tragedy in the family always brings out this frustration in me. Alas, I can't change anything because I would feel guilty if I didn't relay the info since I love them both.

Anyway, please pray (if you do) or keep my nephew in your thoughts for a swift recovery. He is still in a lot of pain and will have to go through rehab.

DD(14),SD(13),SS(11),SS(9),DS(3)

Re: Sometimes I hate being stuck in the middle (vent)

  • hopankahopanka member
    Thoughts and prayers sent your way. It is difficult when family is estranged. My two brothers dont talk and it is painful on my mom. Family functions have to be done twice..etc.
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  • Is it possible to tell them both that you are done being stuck in the middle after 19 years that that you will no longer tell either of them anything even if it is horrible, that if they care so much that they want to know that they need to talk to each other?
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
  • Such a tough situation for you to be in. You are your family will be in my thoughts.

    Any chance that out of such a horrible accident they can stop looking back and just look forward?
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  • Ginlyn0Ginlyn0 member

    I wish. I just don't have hope for it. One would have thought my brother dying would have been reason enough for them to get over this. I really think my dad will die without them ever resolving this. His health has deteriorated since the stroke and onset of MS. He has the type that doesn't have remissions and his MRI last week showed it is worsening still. I tried to get him to call her after his stroke. He promised me he would. He didn't. He truly thinks no matter what he does she will never come around. There was a time I was almost positive she would if he had called, now I don't think so. Her and my relationship has had ups and downs over her because of the situation with our dad. I just don't want to risk loosing her again by trying to get them back together. That is what sucks.


    DD(14),SD(13),SS(11),SS(9),DS(3)

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