So, so sad and frustrated

MagickalNarwhal · May 2013

I posted before how our sons birth mom is pregnant again and would like us to parent this child as well. One of the first questions I asked our social worker was about what the fees would be. She said the director makes that call. It's been almost a month so I bugged her again and she got the answer. They will knock 1,000 off the fee so we would have to pay 25,500. This is completely beyond what wee feel able to do. We had no intention of having a second kid and financial concerns were a part of that decision. We also made the decision for me to stay home the first year so we chose to carry consumer debt with the idea tht d go back FT this summer. If we parent this little, due July 5, I would stay home for another year or two, as my salary would not pay for 2 in daycare.

When we first had thr convo, our social worker said that it was incredibly important to thr agency that bio siblings be raised together if at all possible, and that they would not let money stand in the way of this adoption. A very different tune than they are saying now.

We are applying for grants but we wouldn't find out about most of them until after placement. I just dont know f we could move forward in good conscience knowing it would have the possibility to put us in such a precarious place financially.

So confused and deflated and upset.

CaptainSerious · May 2013

Have you considered proceeding with this as an independent adoption or with another agency? One that would take into account that this is a self-identified situation?

MagickalNarwhal · May 2013

CaptainSerious:
Have you considerednbsp;proceedingnbsp;with this as annbsp;independentnbsp;adoption or with another agency? nbsp;One that would take into account that this is a selfidentified situation?

We can't really our sons birth mom called the agency when she found out she was pregnant again and loves an trusts the people she has worked with there. It would be asking her to move from a known, loving supportive team with whom she already has a relationship. I don't know that I feel ok asking her to do that.

arbutusbride · May 2013

Our agency said the same thing about the fees. They will only knock off 1000 but we are atill on the hook for the other 25K. Seriously? I understand it costs money to do the work but only a grand off? Are you in Oregon too?

This is one reason why we are leaning towards being a family of 3. We spent so much on fertility stuff as well as these coats I don't think we can swing another 26K.

I would love to have two kids but I think our financial future may be at risk. It may sound a bit selfish but I think it is pretty honest.

MagickalNarwhal · May 2013

Yes! Oregon. Do you mean if you go through the process again, or I'd you found an expectant mom on your own? Yeah the fees basically precluded us considering adoption again.

I just called the competing agency in town and they said they would consider this an identified adoption and our fees would be around 6,000. GRRRRR

arbutusbride · May 2013

MagickalNarwhal, I sent you a PM.

sgb721 · May 2013

What you're saying about the other agency- I would be honest with the EM. Tell you you would love the opportunity to raise them together as siblings but you also have to put their best interest up front and financially you are unable to do this. You would love the opportunity to introduce her to this new agency but you don't want her to feel as though she has to change. She has to do what is best for her situation as well.

I honestly think that openness and honesty is the best policy. If she wants to say with the first agency then that is totally fine, and totally her call, and I am truly glad she feels supportive there. However, that might also mean you might not be the best placement for her second child and so she should respect that and choose accordingly.

Best wishes!!!

MagickalNarwhal · May 2013

arbutusbride:
MagickalNarwhal, I sent you a PM.

For some reason I can see my inbox on my phone but it keeps giving me an error when I try to open you message! And my computer got a virus searching for adoption grants yesterday HAHA so it's out of commision. I'll check again when I can get to a real compu. Or try sending you a message w my email address!

Kirstybaby · May 2013

I'm sorry. Hugs to you!

[Deleted User] · May 2013

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Michelle3081 · May 2013

arbutusbride:
Our agency said the same thing about the fees. They will only knock off 1000 but we are atill on the hook for the other 25K. Seriously? I understand it costs money to do the work but only a grand off? Are you in Oregon too? This is one reason why we are leaning towards being a family of 3. We spent so much on fertility stuff as well as these coats I don't think we can swing another 26K. I would love to have two kids but I think our financial future may be at risk. It may sound a bit selfish but I think it is pretty honest.

You are not being selfish at all! At least you are taking in to account the financial burden of simply having another child. Life throws punches, it is how one dodges them to live happy.

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So, so sad and frustrated

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