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Stay at Home Moms
peacelove&mama
member
Tattling
peacelove&mama
member
How do you deal with it? Do you ignore it if the kid that's being ratted on didnt do something major, like hurt someone or do something dangerous, or do you always follow up on it?
The big kids got up before me this morning, and SD decided to write me a letter outlining every little thing DS did, stupid little things, like not rinsing his toothpaste out of the sink properly and leaving his cereal bowl on the counter. These are things that i would have him take care of when I see them, but I wouldn't get mad about, and I certainly don't think they warrant a full page letter! She is constantly telling on him to the point where I think she wants to see him get in trouble. I ignore it unless as I said above, it's something dangerous or he hurt someone, but DH always gets involved. I've told her a million times, I don't want to hear it unless its serious, but since DH responds and DS gets in trouble with him every time I can't see her stopping.
What do you do about it? Am I wrong in ignoring it when she tattles? Any ideas how I can get her to stop with the constant tattling?
She's almost ten and he's seven, if that matters.
The big kids got up before me this morning, and SD decided to write me a letter outlining every little thing DS did, stupid little things, like not rinsing his toothpaste out of the sink properly and leaving his cereal bowl on the counter. These are things that i would have him take care of when I see them, but I wouldn't get mad about, and I certainly don't think they warrant a full page letter! She is constantly telling on him to the point where I think she wants to see him get in trouble. I ignore it unless as I said above, it's something dangerous or he hurt someone, but DH always gets involved. I've told her a million times, I don't want to hear it unless its serious, but since DH responds and DS gets in trouble with him every time I can't see her stopping.
What do you do about it? Am I wrong in ignoring it when she tattles? Any ideas how I can get her to stop with the constant tattling?
She's almost ten and he's seven, if that matters.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Tattling
I agree that you and H need to get on the same page or she'll just keep "playing" you both.
I work with kids that age and they all love to tattle..lol.
This is my mantra:
"Is someone sick, hurt, bleeding or doing something dangerous? NO?
Do you think this is something you can work out on your own? Yes? Then go work it out with that person and come back only if you can't solve it."
Or if it's something totally little and dumb, I say,
"Can you tell me how this affects you? Why does it matter to you? Why do you think we should do something about this?"
Usually the line of questioning makes them think because they need to answer, so they stop with the tattling pretty quick after when they realize I'm not going to get someone in trouble ASAP.
And if all else fails, I pull the "How would you feel if somone tattled on you about that?" card. "See. Now you wouldn't like it, so I highly doubt the other person does too."
Ha! Sometimes. I'm still a D*R girl over on the new Proboards..but since having kids I hang out here once in awhile. This board only usually though because it's about the only sane, normal one.
I'm only a part-time SAHM but I like the girls here, so I play. 
Growing up, if it wasn't something serious and we tattled on each other, then the tattler would be the one in trouble. My parents wouldn't tolerate it and I pretty much agree.
That's who you are! I totally remember you. I still only have R now. That was a typo. Working on number 3 (I'm sure you were around for my stillbirth saga) with number 1) but it's not going so hot. Same drama different day in that department.
You should come visit on us proboards. We're all pretty tame and friendly. It's also very down to earth/real life lately..a lot more so than the high end/designer ridiculousness that used to sometimes be the old nest!
I've contemplated doing that actually, just because I am seriously at my limit with the tattling. Lately my response has just been "Deal with it. If you can't, then go pout in your room". She doesn't like that but seriously, I'm not going to ground DS because he wants to practice soccer by himself. And yes, that is an actual situation she's tattled about.
Oh, I'm not saying he would have grounded DS, he wouldn't have. I guess it kinda came across that way, but what I meant is that it seems like that's what SD is trying to make happen. She seems to enjoy getting him in trouble. I don't think DH favors her, he treats the kids very equally, but when her mother was still here she was very, very spoiled. She knew how to play her mom, and she knows how to play DH to get her way. Her older sister was/is the same way. DH can't stand her older sisters attitude now and has started to realize what's happening, and is trying to show SD that she can't always get her way because he doesn't want her to end up an entitled brat too, but if she stomps her feet and gets tears in her eyes he backs down where I wouldn't.
We've had talks about how important it is that we're on the same page, the rules apply to both kids, and if one is going to get in crap for a certain action/behaviour then the other one is too, as well as my stance on the tattling, but when she comes running in to tell on DS, he seems to completely forget that tattling shouldn't be rewarded.
ETA and by rewarded, I don't mean SD is praised or what have you, but using the soccer example, DH will make him let her play too, so she is satisfied because she "won". Even though we have like five freaking soccer balls and WTF is the problem with him wanting to play alone for a little while?