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Sending BM a schedule ...

HisChamaoleGirlHisChamaoleGirl member
in Blended Families

DH asked me to send BM the schedule for summer visitation since I purchased the plane tickets under my email. No problem. Info sent. She messaged him again asking him for it so I told him I had already sent it. Well, apparently she didn't want the dates he was going to be gone and when he was to return, but a day by day schedule of what SS would be doing.

Ok. Ummm I did this once voluntarily (BM didn't ask)  while DH and I were coming back from Iraq and meeting SS in California. He was (with BMs agreement) in the care of DHs family until DH and I arrived. I had listed all of their contact information (CO says each parent must be able to reach their child by phone) and what activities they were doing that day. Not anything crazy like hour by hour, but LEGOLAND, zoo, etc. That was basically as a courtesy because sometimes she would complain no one answered the phone. But seeing they were at an amusement park gave her the peace of mind of "oh, my kids on a roller coaster. Maybe he couldn't answer when I called." SS would then see a missed call and then call her back.

This summer SS will either be with me, DH or in summer camps while we are at work. Things have been going so smooth lately, and I just don't want to rock the boat. However, I don't think its necessary nor do I (or Dh) have the time or know what we'll be doing to put together a day by day schedule.

Should the schedule request be ignored? What are BFs thoughts on a response ?

BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012

BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013

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Re: Sending BM a schedule ...

  • WahooWahoo member
    I would send her the dates that SS will be in camp and the camp contact info.  She can always contact the camps or look at their website if she wants more detail in the day to day activities. 
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  • cole2144cole2144 member
    My DH only did this one time, when we went Disney. BM wanted to know which park SD would be at each day. I made up a schedule since I planned everything and DH emailed it to BM. Normally we do not do this. BM flipped when DH requested a phone number for where SD would be on her vacation time even though exchanging that info had been BM`s idea.
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  • HisChamaoleGirlHisChamaoleGirl member
    imageWahoo:
    I would send her the dates that SS will be in camp and the camp contact info.  She can always contact the camps or look at their website if she wants more detail in the day to day activities. 
    Its not an overnight camp or anything. I'll drop him in the AM and DH picks him up in the afternoon. That's a good idea to send her the camps website. I can see it backfiring tho bc in the past she would call and attempt to change reservations ....

    BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012

    BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013

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  • HisChamaoleGirlHisChamaoleGirl member
    imagecole2144:
    My DH only did this one time, when we went Disney. BM wanted to know which park SD would be at each day. I made up a schedule since I planned everything and DH emailed it to BM. Normally we do not do this. BM flipped when DH requested a phone number for where SD would be on her vacation time even though exchanging that info had been BM`s idea.
    That's the other thing that gets me. Its in their CO that BM send DH information and she doesn't even do that. Makes me wonder why we should bend backwards and give her this "extra" info.

    BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012

    BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013

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  • Sunday924Sunday924 member
    I wouldn't send her anything. 
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  • cole2144cole2144 member
    It is really frustrating when it DH is willing to communicate but BM is not.
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  • jenjen930jenjen930 member
    Does she send you a detailed schedule every day he is with her? That is too much to ask. I wouldn't do it. She knows where to reach him. If she wants to know what he is doing she can ask him when she calls.
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  • Ginlyn0Ginlyn0 member
    I would ignore the request. If she says anything again I would tell DH to tell her that he needs a weekly schedule of what they do on her time, ahead of time. LOL
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  • nikit23nikit23

    That seems crazy to me. I would ignore it too.  I agree with what gin said about asking her for a schedule of what they do on her time if that's the case.

     I'm a BM and BD took DD to Disney in February and all I asked for was a flight schedule so that I could know travel days.  I did not expect or request a daily itinerary of what they would be doing. He sent me a couple of texts throughout the week, which was nice but not necessary.  I got a text when they landed, a couple of in-park texts, and a text when they landed back in town. 

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  • socloudy99socloudy99 member

    I wouldn't ignore because sometimes things ignored become a huge issue. I would have H respond with something along the lines of:

    Last year DS had a complete schedule due to my work schedule. Thankfully this year we will be able to care for him his entire visit. DS will be attending camps in the morning on weekdays till I pick him up in the afternoon. We haven't planned any extensive traveling for this summer.

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  • KTdiditKTdidit member

    image*HiS ChAmAoLe GiRL*:
    imageWahoo:
    I would send her the dates that SS will be in camp and the camp contact info.  She can always contact the camps or look at their website if she wants more detail in the day to day activities. 
    Its not an overnight camp or anything. I'll drop him in the AM and DH picks him up in the afternoon. That's a good idea to send her the camps website. I can see it backfiring tho bc in the past she would call and attempt to change reservations ....

    I would give her the hours that he will be at camp, and the camp info. But I would specifically tell the camp that they can't change anything related to SS's registration etc over the phone. That you will physically talk to them in person if anything needs to be changed. Maybe that would cut off any of her possible attempts

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  • HisChamaoleGirlHisChamaoleGirl member

    imagejenjen930:
    Does she send you a detailed schedule every day he is with her? That is too much to ask. I wouldn't do it. She knows where to reach him. If she wants to know what he is doing she can ask him when she calls.

    This is how I feel. If SS was too young to communicate his activities then I would understand her asking DH or me what he had been up to.

    BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012

    BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013

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  • twister22twister22 member
    imagesocloudy99:

    I wouldn't ignore because sometimes things ignored become a huge issue. I would have H respond with something along the lines of:

    Last year DS had a complete schedule due to my work schedule. Thankfully this year we will be able to care for him his entire visit. DS will be attending camps in the morning on weekdays till I pick him up in the afternoon. We haven't planned any extensive traveling for this summer.

    All of this. 

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  • TasheystarTasheystar
    imagesocloudy99:
    I wouldn't ignore because sometimes things ignored become a huge issue. I would have H respond with something along the lines of:
    Last year DS had a complete schedule due to my work schedule. Thankfully this year we will be able to care for him his entire visit. DS will be attending camps in the morning on weekdays till I pick him up in the afternoon. We haven't planned any extensive traveling for this summer.


    I agree with pp who said don't ignore the request, but don't give in either. Socloudy wrote a good response, though it's not technically true he'll be with you at all times since he'll be at the camp.

    I'm also of the opinion that it would be a horrible idea to give her the camp info. I would be polite, but not give a schedule.
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  • AlohaloveAlohalove member

    This!!! Perfection.

     

    Edit: I meant the above comment about gin9874's post.  

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