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Working Moms
Mrs.RockyM
member
Me Time?
Mrs.RockyM
member
in Working Moms
Lately I'm miserable with my body, I'm frustrated with my job, and I can't seem to get a handle on all the stuff I have to do with the girls. I barely have enough time for DH (and that's suffering) and I can't even remember the last time I did something for myself.
So just wondering working mommies - how do you make time for yourselves? When do you fit it in?
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Re: Me Time?
Every Friday evening I have my horseback riding lesson. DH has daycare pickup duty and all of DD's evening routine. THat is my standing committment to myself.
On the weekend I look after DD 95% of the time but I will ask DH to watch her for an hour or two if I want to run an errand or get my nails done. This happens about once per month. Otherwise I'll ask him to watch her for 20 minutes so I can just sit and catch my breath. (Don't know what'll happen if/when we have two!)
On the flip side I take DD to her weekly evening swim lesson so DH has that time to do whatever he wants. I wish he would exercise but I think he just couches.
This became a pretty big issue for me up until about 3 months ago. What works for us is alternating daycare pickups. On DH's workout days, I go straight home and get anywhere from 1-2 hours by myself. I can do whatever I want - clean, craft, sleep, watch tv, etc. And usually, on weekends, I use naps for the same thing, unless we have a major house project that needs done.
I also try to keep things even between DH and I. A few weeks ago, he went to play paintball with a bunch of friends all day. A friend and her LO came over with us for the day, and when the guys came home, she and I went out for pedicures. He did something fun, so I did too.
I just had to sit down with DH and explain that I needed time to do whatever I wanted. There were activities that he made a priority, and I needed to do the same.
My immediate thought when I saw this post: What's that?
I need to be better about fitting it in. Right now I don't. I try to read a book while DD naps on the weekend, I go out with friends every few weeks, but really I don't have a budget for socializing because DH and don't go out ever anyway. Sometimes I'll take the dog for a walk by myself or kick DH and DD outside while I make dinner and that's sort of 'me' time. I also watch my tv shows while I grade papers. Honestly? Grading papers with a glass of wine and my tv shows on in the background are as close to me time as I get...
For me, right now big chunks of me time are just off the table for the most part. DH and I both have demanding jobs, we have two little ones, no family nearby, DS does not sleep well (to put it mildly), I have a long commute, blah, blah, blah.
I am learning to make the most of a few minutes here and there, whether that's taking part of my lunch break or the bus commute to read a novel, or doing two 10-minute workouts after the kids are in bed, or sometimes leaving work a little early when DH is on pick up duty and having half an hour to myself in the house to pick up/do whatever and then sit in peace for a few minutes.
Do I wish there was more? Definitely. Do I know I "should" make that a priority? Yes. But realistically, for now, this is the best I've got. I have decided to embrace what I CAN do instead of focusing on what I can't do anymore, if that makes any sense.
This issue comes up periodically with DH and I. I think the biggest difference is that he has standing commitments, so his "me" time is built in. I prefer not to have any obligations, but sometimes that means I go awhile without doing something for myself.
Right now, DH is working most weekends, but that should be over soon. We have talked about me having a couple of hours every Sunday to myself to do whatever I feel like, take a nap, go shopping, get a pedicure. I just need to have something built in each week to refresh myself.
It is definitely hard to balance work, core family time, extended family time, time as a couple, and unfortunately "me" time usually comes last.
On Fridays, I'm done with work around 1 or 2. When I went back to work, I was so excited to be able to pick up DS early to get extra time with him, but I realized that's when I can get my 'me' time. I pick DS up at 4:30 during the week so on Fridays from 2 - 4, I lay on the couch, catch up on the DVR, take a little nap or run errands by myself.
On the weekends, DH and I take turns working out so we can get our 'me' time then.
I go out with friends once a month or so in the evening or on a weekend. I get my hair done (highlights and cut) every 8 weeks, always on a Saturday afternoon, and I leave the kids with DH. On weeknights, sometimes I blow off housework (or DH), drink a glass of wine, and read or catch up with a friend over the phone.
And let me say that life is much more manageable now that DD is nearly a year old, so expect things to get a little easier soon!
Sadly, I'm struggling with this a little too - and I'm taking on a lot more than I can handle. Today, I played "hookie" this afternoon by lying to work that DS was sick. Feeling horribly guilty on the one hand - but really needed the time alone.
I love the suggestions from other posters. Have to try to schedule better.
I used to have a workout class once a week, but the instructor moved recently, so that ended. I'm trying to find another similar class that is close to home, but not at a gym because I just don't want to pay the membership fee. (The instructor I was going to had class in a church gym for $5, pay as you go. That is pretty hard to beat!)
Otherwise, I have a work schedule where I'm off every-other Friday, but I still have child care. (My parents come down every Friday to spend time with the kids.) So a lot of times on those Fridays, I'll run "fun" errands, like going to Target, Kohls, or the mall.
Once in a while (maybe every 2-3 months) I'll go out with friends for dinner.
It is hard to take time away from DH and the kids, which is why I don't go out with friends very often. I've even invited an LO to come with me on the Sunday evening walk I go on with friends so that I can still spend some time with the kids but still do something for me.
I agree with PP's that sometimes it's just better and easier to schedule your "me" time for a set time each week.
I have "me" time every night from 7 p.m. on. DD goes to sleep then.
I get on the treadmill or go for a run outside. I do at least an hour workout a day. Sometimes it's early morning, sometimes lunch and sometimes after bedtime. Exercise is non-negotiable for me.
DH and I have two great sitters and go on date nights at least 2-3 nights per month. We each give each other time for girl's and guy's nights out as well. I also go out and get my hair done and go to the spa every 6-8 weeks.
My motto as a mother is that I do not take good care of myself, I will not be able to take good care of my family.
Can you exercise during your lunch break? Walking around the parking lot counts. This may help some of your concerns.
PIE workout during my lunch break and DC offers a monthly parents night out. If you can't afford a sitter + going out money maybe you can suggest a babysitting swap with another family.
Additionally, I schedule a monthly massage in the evening after the kids are asleep as a special treat for myself.
I could have written this.
We are in the same situation. We try to plan things where DH gets home and pick up DD, I get to do whatever I want/need after work that day. Then the other weeknights, if he's home, that's "us" time. We schedule our weekends, so if I want to go out, I take one night, leaving the other night for snuggle on the couch. The next weekend we trade, he gets to have guy's night for one night. During the day, we try to tag team, lol. He takes DD and the dog for a walk in the morning, so I get to sit on the patio, then he gets home, and I will take duty while he grocery shops, gets a haricut, whatever. sometimes we do everything together, but it's nice to have that option, and not HAVE to take the baby with you everywhere.