Trying to Get Pregnant
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Very Frustrated!

Hello! I'm new to the bump and am in need of a sounding board and some support. My husband and I have been trying for what seems like forever but has only been about 8 months (which I know in the world of TTC is not that long). Anyway, found out yesterday my best friend and her husband are expecting. I'm happy for her but honestly, I'm upset that it isn't me. I know how terrible that makes me sound and I feel awful for feeling that way but I'm having trouble pulling myself out of it. And it's my best friend so it's not like she won't be able to tell I'm upset that I'm not pregnant, too. Any suggestions on how to get out of this funk and ways to show my support for her?
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Re: Very Frustrated!

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    Her fertility does not affect yours.

    Think of how you want her to react when you get pregnant. Would you want her to act jealous and frustrated like you are now? If not, then be happy for her.



    Me: 32 DH: 31.
    B/W: good. SA: good.
    November 2012: Paratubal cyst found during U/S.
    January 10, 2013: Lap removed paratubal cyst and Stage 2 Endometriosis. 
    3 cycles of Femara + TI = BFNs

    June 2013: Femara 2.5 mg, Gonal F Injects 37.5 IU, Menopur, trigger + IUI = BFN

    July 2013: Femara 2.5 mg, Gonal F Injects 75 IU, Menopur, trigger + IUI = BFP!!!!

    Beta 1 @ 11 DPIUI = 76. Progesterone = 27.3

    BFP 8/16/2013 // EDD 4/28/2014

    Jordan Samuel born April 19, 2014. 6 lb, 12 oz and 18 inches long.

     

     CLICK ME!!!11!!1111!!

     

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    What if you were the pregnant one and your friend was the one who was visibly upset?
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    imageNariaDreaming:

    I know it's hard. Just remind yourself that she's not "taking a baby" from you- pregnancies aren't a limited commodity. 

    It can take a healthy couple up to a year to get pregnant, so you're still well within the realm of "normal". 

    Like you said- she's your best friend. She'll understand. We've been TTC going on... 19 months now. I've had several friends get pregnant, and they all "got it" when I said that I was happy for them, but I had to deal with my own emotions. 

    Have you been charting your basal body temperature? I'd recommend getting started with Fertility Friend. 


    Absolutely this. 

    image
    TTC Since July 2012
    BFP #1 11/07/12   M/C 12/11/12
    BFP #2 2/23/13    M/C 03/6/13
                       BFP #3 9/2/13  EDD 05/17/14                     
    Amy Elaine Born May 2!

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    ksuRN09ksuRN09 member
    Thank you! Yes, she actually pulled me aside and asked if I was mad. Of course, I'm not mad at her because they wanted a child just as much as we do but I'm still bummed and she gets that, I think. I just don't want her to feel like she can't share her excitement with her best friend.

    What is fertility friend?
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    I have felt like that so many times.. I know over a dozen pregnant people, and it seems people are getting pregnant by the day.. I just have to keep telling myself to be happy for them, and not to let them see that I'm upset. I don't want to ruin it for them, and I wouldn't want anyone to ruin it for me.
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    I totally get it. We started TTC 28 months ago, so there have been several people that have had not only one, but two babies in that time. It's ok to be sad for you, but you need to be happy for your friend.  I know that you said that you never want her to feel like she can't share her excitement, so try not to let the disappointment show on your face. I am a big proponent of "fake it till you make it."  Think about all of the things that you look forward to with having a LO, and try to project all of those excited and happy feelings towards your friend. Way easier said than done - believe me- I have totally been there. GL to you, and hoping that your time comes very soon.


    ** After  2 1/2 years of Unexplained IF, 2 failed medicated cycles, and 4 failed IUI's - our baby girl came to us through the miracle of
     Mini IVF! **

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    SOOOO living this right now. my sister conceived 2weeks after going off the pill. another friend after 2 months of trying. and 4 other friends have recently confirmed their arrivals. I am really happy for them but sad at the same time its not me. just know your not the only one the situation right now- and its ok to have these feelings. a glass of red wine and a chocolate chip cookie has done wonders for my moral.
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    Mikki62Mikki62 member

    This happened to me as well. I cried when she told me and I was only able to talk to her through text messages so I wouldn't cry while talking to her. I was happy for her but it is hard.

     

     

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    imagesueann911:
    Her fertility does not affect yours. Think of how you want her to react when you get pregnant. Would you want her to act jealous and frustrated like you are now? If not, then be happy for her.
    I hear that line everyday, someone's fertility does not affect yours, does anyone really think that it would? And how does that advice comfort someone? You can still be genuinely happy for someone while having moments of jealousy and frustrations and if the roles were reversed it would be perfectly normal for her friend to feel the same. It does not make anyone less of a friend or a bad person for feeling that way. Being happy is all great and good, but it is easier said than done when you are having a difficult time with the news along with your own TTC journey.
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    ksuRN09ksuRN09 member
    Thank you, Luckbeababy! And everyone else that has been supportive. When I saw that post you quoted, I thought to myself "Wow does everyone think this is what I meant?" I'm not arrogant or unrealistic enough to think that her fertility affects mine or that she "took a baby from me" as someone else suggested.  It's not like I want to feel this way. And it's not like I'm not happy for her. More like incredibly happy for her, sad and a little mad at myself. If our positions were reversed, it would be ok for her to feel the same way.
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