DCP holding my son down with her leg? Normal?

Aprilmomx2 · April 2013

My dcp has camera's so I log in to check on my boys often. Today I logged in and noticed that LO#2 who is 13 months was being put down for a nap on a cot. This is fine with me, if they can get him to learn great!

What bothered me was the method they were using. He kept sitting up of course and wanting to get off the cot. The teacher would lay him down and put the blanket over him, he would sit back up. Finally she went over, sat down next to him, and put her leg over him to hold him down. I would have thought the better method would be to rub his back rather than hold him down. I would like to think it wasn't forceful. From what I can tell, he only cried and put up a fight for about 1 minute if even, then fell asleep. she stayed there with her leg on him for about 2-3 minutes and then got up to go do paperwork. I took a picture with my phone of the screen showing her leg on him.

I am really unsure how to feel about this. It does bother me, but is that typical of how they get the toddlers to learn to stay on the cots? Do I say something to the director and show her the picture and ask her if that is normal? Part of me wants to freak out and ask that the teacher doesn't do that. But the other part of me is saying surely they would never do soemthing to harm my child, right? Does anyone know or have advise on this? Ever been a teacher, had to do this? How would you feel?

Thanks!

mben1119 · April 2013

Whoa. I don't know how I'd feel about that. I know I've pinned DS down with my leg before, trying to get dressed/feed him/go to sleep, you name it, but he's my kid. I don't think I'd like someone else doing it.

memali26 · April 2013

As a DCP, the only time I have ever used my legs to restrain a child is with one particular child who was violent - 4 year old trying to attack one of our pregnant teachers. I would never had held a child down like that if it weren't a clear safety issue.

To teach kids to nap on cots we sat next to them and laid them down over and over and over if that's what it took. No physically restraining.

Karen1998 · April 2013

It is odd, but I can't help but wonder if she had a reason for using her leg. Maybe she could balance it up on her foot so it didn't but weight onto him? I just guessing here. I suspect there's a reason and it's worth finding it out and then determining if it's a good reason or not.

diana.filipi · April 2013

It sounds like it worked. He fell asleep in like a minute per your post. I would have watched, processed my emotions, thought about it a bit, then I'd watch at nap time for several days. It really sounds fine to me but I would just watch for a bit to make sure it didn't get out of hand.

hopefulmom81 · April 2013

diana.filipi:
It sounds like it worked. He fell asleep in like a minute per your post. I would have watched, processed my emotions, thought about it a bit, then I'd watch at nap time for several days. It really sounds fine to me but I would just watch for a bit to make sure it didn't get out of hand.

I agree. I guess it all depends on the amount of pressure, the struggle, and what the situation looked like, so it is really hard to judge.

If you felt something was "off", you should say something, imo.

cecilyandgautam · April 2013

Why does he need to be physically forced to lay down? At 13 months, I would think he's too young for a cot and should be sleeping in a crib or pack n play - with those, you can safely walk away to tend to another baby if needed.

Netty_3 · April 2013

cecilyandgautam:
Why does he need to be physically forced to lay down? At 13 months, I would think he's too young for a cot and should be sleeping in a crib or pack n play - with those, you can safely walk away to tend to another baby if needed.

Our DCP has floor beds for infants...only cribs for really little ones. It's supposed to encourage independence and intuition. In the toddler room they have mats.

Zimger · April 2013

No, this is inappropriate.

When I was a daycare teacher I always patted their backs. If they kept sitting up because they were not tired I gave them a quiet toy to keep them amused while I finished anything I needed to finish during naptime.

I would feel p!ssed off enough to discuss it with the director.

TiffanyBerry · April 2013

I'm not sure about it in a daycare.

I will say that I did the exact same thing with my daughter for a very long time. And my leg was not resting on her. It was right above her (like, a millimeter), so she couldn't effectively get up and go anywhere, but she was not bearing any weight. I would do this when she wouldn't even try to lay still but was clearly tired.

It was, I think, at an earlier age that your LO, though. Around that age, I would simply pick her up and lay her back down (really, more of a "sweep her off her feet onto her back, gently" sort of thing). Repeatedly. Maybe you could ask they do that instead? It doesn't require any more involvement than staying there with a leg does.

Tink112011 · April 2013

diana.filipi:
It sounds like it worked. He fell asleep in like a minute per your post. I would have watched, processed my emotions, thought about it a bit, then I'd watch at nap time for several days. It really sounds fine to me but I would just watch for a bit to make sure it didn't get out of hand.

I agree. It's not ideal and it shouldn't happen daily. But once? On a bad day? If my DS was napping on a cot instead of him crib at home, I can imagine myself resorting to this during the training period. No amount of back rubbing would send my DS the same message.

Tallulahsmom · April 2013

My LO loves her crib. She seems not to be able to fall asleep on her own without being confined in some way. (Crib or pack n play.) If we stay at a hotel or with a friend, and I don't have the pack n play, I have to hold her down on my chest or on the bed. I don't squeeze or use push down. I just don't allow her to get up. It works within a minute or two. Discuss it with the worker and decide if you are ok with it or not. Then let her know how to proceed.

sunnyday016 · May 2013

diana.filipi:
It sounds like it worked. He fell asleep in like a minute per your post. I would have watched, processed my emotions, thought about it a bit, then I'd watch at nap time for several days. It really sounds fine to me but I would just watch for a bit to make sure it didn't get out of hand.

I agree. I guess I'm one of the few that doesn't think it's a big deal. I mean, if she was crushing him with her leg very forcefully, not okay obviously. But it seemed like she put just enough pressure for him to quickly give in to sleep.

gothgrrl · May 2013

so not okay...i would bring it to their attention immediately.

Mustardseed2007 · May 2013

No. She should have different techniques at her disposal than this. Actually, in Texas (which has very lax, crummy day care rules) this would be a violation. DCP are not supposed to force a kid into a nap, and no, it would not be ok with me.

Honestly, I've worked in a day care too, and situations come up where kids are resisting doing what you're trying to get them to do. The best rule of thumb someone told me when I was training is to stop and think: does what I'm about to do look weird? (meaning does it look overbearing or abusive). If the answer is yes I didn't do it, even if my first intention was a pure one - ie trying to help a tired kid take a nap. Then if I couldn't think of anything else to do I asked for suggestions from somone who knows more than me.

There are a lot of options other than holding a charge down when a child doesn't want to sleep.

cecilyandgautam · May 2013

Netty_3:
cecilyandgautam:
Why does he need to be physically forced to lay down? At 13 months, I would think he's too young for a cot and should be sleeping in a crib or pack n play - with those, you can safely walk away to tend to another baby if needed.
Our DCP has floor beds for infants...only cribs for really little ones. It's supposed to encourage independence and intuition. In the toddler room they have mats.

Ok, well I wouldn't be comfortable using floor beds if it requires physically restraining my child during nap time. That's pretty extreme, in my opinion.

JennPierog · May 2013

memali26:
As a DCP, the only time I have ever used my legs to restrain a child is with one particular child who was violent - 4 year old trying to attack one of our pregnant teachers. I would never had held a child down like that if it weren't a clear safety issue.
To teach kids to nap on cots we sat next to them and laid them down over and over and over if that's what it took. No physically restraining.

I also worked in a daycare (over 10 years ago ) but still never would we physicaly restrain a child. I would set up a meeting with the director and teacher (after I cooled down) and start but asking what they have been doing to help your child get adjusted to sleeping on a cot. Bring the photo and go from there.

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