Baby Shower?

saralondos · May 2013

So no one has offered a baby shower yet, but every time anyone hears I bought 'this' or 'that' I've heard many times 'wait for your shower'. Well if no one has offered by this point, will there be one?? It's our first baby so it's normal to expect one I think. My husband is dying to ask my aunt, who through my bridal shower early last year, but I keep telling him 'no you don't ask someone'. He's really ready to pull my aunt, uncle or cousin aside this weekend if there is talk about it. I don't know if he's being gift grabby or if it's as he says 'you deserve one babe'.

Any suggestions? Anyone not have anyone offer yet either? 26 weeks today so I'm getting pretty close and need to know what the plan is!

amarissa85 · May 2013

I would not ask for one. I think most responses you are going to get will be that is rude, tacky and gift grabby. If no one offers then plan not to have one and continue buying what you need.

MitsB707 · May 2013

Do you have any siblings? Maybe your parents or siblings are planning a surprise shower and you don't know yet?

My mom and sisters haven't outright offered yet, but I know they'll be planning one for me either late June or early July. With my sisters' showers, nobody "offered" to host it. It was just a given that being as close as we all are, we'd be hosting.

WashingtonQueen · May 2013

You don't need to ask for one. If no one wants to do it then too bad, you don't get one. I have never had a baby shower and we are just fine buying things for our own babies.

saralondos · May 2013

My family is all spread out over states in clouding my mom who won't be here until I give birth. I think my husband is just so use to my aunt being the party thrower he figures she just 'has' to want to do it. I'm trying to keep him calm and forget about asking lol...thanks ladies!

manditxg · May 2013

I personally wouldn't ask for one. when someone tells you to wait for your shower to buy things just let them know that no one has offered to throw one so you want to be prepared when LO gets here or something along those lines. maybe everyone just assumes someone else is doing it.

V&G101808 · May 2013

Tell DH NOT to ask... I understand it's "sweet" that he thinks you deserve one but the reality is no one is entitled to a shower. It's a gift and it sucks that your family hasn't offered. I hope someone does - however, you should prepare yourself to purchase all necessary things for your child and not rely or wait on others for help.

afrochick09 · May 2013

There's still the chance of a surprise party also. A good friend of mine had one of those for her. In the case that there isn't one and you don't get a shower, sorry but not much you can do about it.

Cosmic+Love · May 2013

Yes, definitely do not ask.

FWIW, I just found out yesterday that my mom and sister are throwing me a shower. It was supposed to be a surprise, so that is why I hadn't heard anything about it. Maybe that is the case for you!

mrsf123 · May 2013

I disagree with the other posts.

As someone whose religion does not permit baby showers, (So I've never had one), I understand not wanting to seem "Gift-grabby" but if your DH wants to say something to HIS aunt, because she threw a shower for his sibling, I think he has every right to say "You know, Aunt Bernice, you threw a shower for my sibling and not for us, what gives?" Not about gift-grabbiness, but about equality amongst the family. That's what would bother me, personally.

That having been said, my family is really crazy about making everything equal.

zora51 · May 2013

mrsf123:
I disagree with the other posts.
As someone whose religion does not permit baby showers, (So I've never had one), I understand not wanting to seem "Gift-grabby" but if your DH wants to say something to HIS aunt, because she threw a shower for his sibling, I think he has every right to say "You know, Aunt Bernice, you threw a shower for my sibling and not for us, what gives?" Not about gift-grabbiness, but about equality amongst the family. That's what would bother me, personally.
That having been said, my family is really crazy about making everything equal.

What the heck?? No WAY is this appropriate!!! Life is not equal, and we are ADULTS, so to ask that is so childish and immature!! I would be horrified if my husband asked something like that and assumed he had "every right" to say it!!! WOW!!! Talk about rude!!

Unfortunately, if no one offers one, tough luck. So far, I'm in the same boat, but no WAY will I be asking. Regardless of the fact that I know my mom planned my sister's 5 years ago for her first child. Like a PP said, it's a GIFT from the host/hostess, so PLEASE don't let your DH be rude and ask about it!! It's just plain NOT appropriate as adults! Hope you end up with a surprise one! I want one, not for the gifts, but for the oohs, aahs, fun attention on me and baby! But if it doesn't happen, no biggie! There will be plenty more attention times later on.

amarissa85 · May 2013

mrsf123:
I disagree with the other posts.
As someone whose religion does not permit baby showers, (So I've never had one), I understand not wanting to seem "Gift-grabby" but if your DH wants to say something to HIS aunt, because she threw a shower for his sibling, I think he has every right to say "You know, Aunt Bernice, you threw a shower for my sibling and not for us, what gives?" Not about gift-grabbiness, but about equality amongst the family. That's what would bother me, personally.
That having been said, my family is really crazy about making everything equal.

What?! NO NO NO! That is sooo beyond rude it is ridiculous. You gave her a shower so why not us? Ummm because it is her money her choice and she is not obligated to do anything for anyone.

mrsf123 · May 2013

Well, that's just my opinion. I'm personally close with my family and none of us stand on ceremonies. If I felt a relative of mine was treating me unequally to how someone else was treated, I'd have no problem saying so. I guess it depends on how miss manners you are and what your family dynamic is.

As I said, in my family, if my mom gives one thing to one of her children, she gives something of equal value to the other two siblings as well. My mom threw bridal showers for all 3 of her nieces, not just for 2 of them. No one in my family would ever do something like that. If my mom threw a bridal shower for 2 of her nieces and not the 3rd, my aunt would definitely have said something to her.

Frankly, if this person didn't throw me a shower, I'd sure know that they cared more for my sibling than for me. Clearly. And that would definitely affect my relationship with that person moving forward.

But again, we don't have baby showers in my culture, so that's just my opinion about family dynamics.

zora51 · May 2013

mrsf123:
Well, that's just my opinion. I'm personally close with my family and none of us stand on ceremonies. If I felt a relative of mine was treating me unequally to how someone else was treated, I'd have no problem saying so. I guess it depends on how miss manners you are and what your family dynamic is.
As I said, in my family, if my mom gives one thing to one of her children, she gives something of equal value to the other two siblings as well. My mom threw bridal showers for all 3 of her nieces, not just for 2 of them. No one in my family would ever do something like that. If my mom threw a bridal shower for 2 of her nieces and not the 3rd, my aunt would definitely have said something to her.
Frankly, if this person didn't throw me a shower, I'd sure know that they cared more for my sibling than for me. Clearly. And that would definitely affect my relationship with that person moving forward.
But again, we don't have baby showers in my culture, so that's just my opinion about family dynamics.

WOW. That sounds like a spoiled brat, in my humble opinion. What if their situation changed and they didn't have the money?? What if they were dealing with health issues themselves and couldn't handle doing a 3rd shower?? What the heck, it is incredibly rude, regardless of the family!! That's great your parents spend EXACTLY equal money on you and your siblings. Mine DON'T and I dont believe for one second they love anyone else more. BUT, my sister is a single mom and earns less money and they give her more. She needs it. ANd I'm fine with that! They gave my younger brother a car. Wow, I never got one. So waht?? They knew I could afford a new one by myself and didnt need the help. It doesn't affect our relationship cuz I'm a mature adult who understands needs vary and my parents try to help ALL their children with whatever they need.

magdalina.h · May 2013

If they don't offer, I'd assume they are not throwing one.

MitsB707 · May 2013

zora51:
mrsf123:
Well, that's just my opinion.  I'm personally close with my family and none of us stand on ceremonies.  If I felt a relative of mine was treating me unequally to how someone else was treated, I'd have no problem saying so.  I guess it depends on how miss manners you are and what your family dynamic is. 
As I said, in my family, if my mom gives one thing to one of her children, she gives something of equal value to the other two siblings as well.  My mom threw bridal showers for all 3 of her nieces, not just for 2 of them.  No one in my family would ever do something like that.  If my mom threw a bridal shower for 2 of her nieces and not the 3rd, my aunt would definitely have said something to her. 
Frankly, if this person didn't throw me a shower, I'd sure know that they cared more for my sibling than for me.  Clearly.  And that would definitely affect my relationship with that person moving forward. 
But again, we don't have baby showers in my culture, so that's just my opinion about family dynamics.
WOW. That sounds like a spoiled brat, in my humble opinion. What if their situation changed and they didn't have the money?? What if they were dealing with health issues themselves and couldn't handle doing a 3rd shower?? What the heck, it is incredibly rude, regardless of the family!! That's great your parents spend EXACTLY equal money on you and your siblings. Mine DON'T and I dont believe for one second they love anyone else more. BUT, my sister is a single mom and earns less money and they give her more. She needs it. ANd I'm fine with that! They gave my younger brother a car. Wow, I never got one. So waht?? They knew I could afford a new one by myself and didnt need the help. It doesn't affect our relationship cuz I'm a mature adult who understands needs vary and my parents try to help ALL their children with whatever they need. 

Wow, just wow. I agree with pp. You sound like a brat. Financial situations can easily change in this economy, and to expect a gift of the same magnitude as what was given to someone else is greedy. I don't base my relationship with family on material gifts that are given. That's just absurd! Gifts are just that, gifts. You don't have to be equal when giving someone a gift.

kennazebrowsky · May 2013

mrsf123:
Well, that's just my opinion. I'm personally close with my family and none of us stand on ceremonies. If I felt a relative of mine was treating me unequally to how someone else was treated, I'd have no problem saying so. I guess it depends on how miss manners you are and what your family dynamic is.
As I said, in my family, if my mom gives one thing to one of her children, she gives something of equal value to the other two siblings as well. My mom threw bridal showers for all 3 of her nieces, not just for 2 of them. No one in my family would ever do something like that. If my mom threw a bridal shower for 2 of her nieces and not the 3rd, my aunt would definitely have said something to her.
Frankly, if this person didn't throw me a shower, I'd sure know that they cared more for my sibling than for me. Clearly. And that would definitely affect my relationship with that person moving forward.
But again, we don't have baby showers in my culture, so that's just my opinion about family dynamics.

Maybe the aunt is not financially capable anymore? She just recently gave her a bridal shower.

One person getting a shower and not the other does NOT mean you are less loved.

stephweinstein · May 2013

saralondos:
So no one has offered a baby shower yet, but every time anyone hears I bought 'this' or 'that' I've heard many times 'wait for your shower'. Well if no one has offered by this point, will there be one?? It's our first baby so it's normal to expect one I think. My husband is dying to ask my aunt, who through my bridal shower early last year, but I keep telling him 'no you don't ask someone'. He's really ready to pull my aunt, uncle or cousin aside this weekend if there is talk about it. I don't know if he's being gift grabby or if it's as he says 'you deserve one babe'. Any suggestions? Anyone not have anyone offer yet either? 26 weeks today so I'm getting pretty close and need to know what the plan is!

Why is it normal to expect someone to throw a party for you? I think this may be the wrong mentality. You should be so excited and grateful if someone does offer to throw you a baby shower.

Otherwise, if no one offers, don't ask! It's plain rude. You and your husband decided to have a baby. No one was a part of that. You are now both fiscally responsible to provide for that child.

Gifts are great but should not be expectations.

N_Koz · May 2013

No one has offered and I don't think we are getting one but that is probably due to moving a thousand miles from most of my friends and no where near any family. You don't ask for one but when people tell u to wait you can say that you don't think you are having a shower maybe someone will step up

SarahinMD · May 2013

Wow. So yeah, apparently this is like the one issue on TB that will flip people out. I suspect there is the chance that everyone thinks someone else is going to throw one. Next time someone says something about wait till your shower, I personally, would cheerfully say, "Oh, well, I don't think one is planned, and I'm just so excited to get things for the baby." That is, actually, a true statement, and as long as you don't do it in a conniving way, I think appropriate (and perhaps helpful is everyone is thinking someone else will throw it).

As for your husband and his aunt--I agree with one of the PP that it really depends on the relationship in the family and how it is done. And no one here on TB know that. DH could always play dumb and just ask his aunt if she knows if anyone is throwing a shower, and say he doesn't know how these things are supposed to happen. Just by asking that, without even having to ask her to throw it, it may get some ideas flowing.

I'm sorry no one has approached you about scheduling a shower! I had two for my DD, and they were fun. I don't think it's wrong to want one, and as someone who did have a shower (well, 2) I would feel pretty judgmental to flame you for wanting one too. Good luck! I hope it gets worked out (or is already, and is a surprise!) and you have a great shower!

saralondos · May 2013

stephweinstein:
saralondos:
So no one has offered a baby shower yet, but every time anyone hears I bought 'this' or 'that' I've heard many times 'wait for your shower'. Well if no one has offered by this point, will there be one?? It's our first baby so it's normal to expect one I think. My husband is dying to ask my aunt, who through my bridal shower early last year, but I keep telling him 'no you don't ask someone'. He's really ready to pull my aunt, uncle or cousin aside this weekend if there is talk about it. I don't know if he's being gift grabby or if it's as he says 'you deserve one babe'. Any suggestions? Anyone not have anyone offer yet either? 26 weeks today so I'm getting pretty close and need to know what the plan is!

Why is it normal to expect someone to throw a party for you?  I think this may be the wrong mentality.  You should be so excited and grateful if someone does offer to throw you a baby shower. 

Otherwise, if no one offers, don't ask! It's plain rude.  You and your husband decided to have a baby.  No one was a part of that.  You are now both fiscally responsible to provide for that child. 

Gifts are great but should not be expectations.

I think is pretty norm to expect a shower of some sort, especially for first baby. But I have no plans to personally ask for one. I totally get it's our decision to have a baby, and will always be the one to step up for whatever it needs. It's just weird when ppl from all sides of my life are telling me to wait, but there hasnt been a hint it's actually taking place. It's going to be a 'whatever' situation if it ends up not happening, but would be nice obviously.

saralondos · May 2013

SarahinMD:
Wow. So yeah, apparently this is like the one issue on TB that will flip people out. I suspect there is the chance that everyone thinks someone else is going to throw one. Next time someone says something about wait till your shower, I personally, would cheerfully say, "Oh, well, I don't think one is planned, and I'm just so excited to get things for the baby." That is, actually, a true statement, and as long as you don't do it in a conniving way, I think appropriate and perhaps helpful is everyone is thinking someone else will throw it.As for your husband and his auntI agree with one of the PP that it really depends on the relationship in the family and how it is done. And no one here on TB know that. DH could always play dumb and just ask his aunt if she knows if anyone is throwing a shower, and say he doesn't know how these things are supposed to happen. Just by asking that, without even having to ask her to throw it, it may get some ideas flowing.nbsp;I'm sorry no one has approached you about scheduling a shower! I had two for my DD, and they were fun. I don't think it's wrong to want one, and as someone who did have a shower well, 2 I would feel pretty judgmental to flame you for wanting one too. Good luck! I hope it gets worked out or is already, and is a surprise! and you have a great shower!nbsp;

Thanks a million!! This is what I needed to hear!

Texasmomma13 · May 2013

mrsf123:
I disagree with the other posts. As someone whose religion does not permit baby showers, So I've never had one, I understand not wanting to seem "Giftgrabby" but if your DH wants to say something to HIS aunt, because she threw a shower for his sibling, I think he has every right to say "You know, Aunt Bernice, you threw a shower for my sibling and not for us, what gives?"nbsp; Not about giftgrabbiness, but about equality amongst the family.nbsp; That's what would bother me, personally. That having been said, my family is really crazy about making everything equal.nbsp;

Are you reading the same post I am? I didn't see it say anywhere that 1. It was his aunt, 2. She threw a shower for someone else in the family.

I'm a bit confused by your response.

Op, I had similar conversations before people stepped up to host my showers.I would just respond "I'm not sure if I'm having one yet". It turns out several people wanted to host it but hadn't said anything yet. You still have some time. Don't panic.

cinderin · May 2013

Maybe she figures she just threw you a big party so she isn't going to do that every year?

You never ask. You don't KNOW her position now. Be thankful she threw you a wedding shower!

JMO but I wouldn't want to do two parties for you in two years.

Guests who bought you wedding shower gifts and wedding gifts, may not be "chopping at the bit" to buy you more stuff only a little while later. Jmo.

Want a personalized experience?

Baby Shower?

Re: Baby Shower?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards