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Question About SD Being the Center of Attention

LolaneLolane member
in Blended Families

I am pregnant and due at the end of August, right before SD's 4th birthday. While spending time with SD this weekend, it dawned on me just how much she is used to being the center of everyone's attention. 

I think that SD is just accustomed to everyone paying attention to her whenever she demands it, and that everyone is immediately delighted by whatever minor thing she does. I don't think DH and I play into this too much, although we're probably guilty of it too, but I know BM does. 

So, now I think I need some advice on how we can deal with this now in preparation for the baby coming. We already plan on DH having special time with just him and her, but it's inevitable that she will have to share the spotlight with her new sibling sometimes. I guess I'm wondering how we can wean her off the constant need for attention now, before the baby comes, and we don't have a choice. It seems so difficult when everyone is not on the same page. 

 

 

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Re: Question About SD Being the Center of Attention

  • coleleigh83coleleigh83
    Ah we feel your pain  in our house. My DD is the baby, and boy does she know it!! I'm also due at the end of august, just a week or so after DD's 5th birthday. So far she seems very excited about the baby coming, and doesn't mind at all that we will be having her bday party a bit early this year so It isn't pushing it too close to the new baby's birth(I don't wanna risk going early and not being able to have a party for her). But yes she is quite spoiled, especially by her BD and his family. It has helped us for me to have a long talk with BD about her now needing to be a big girl, and that while she has every right to shine in her moments, that it's also unfair to her to have a hard time adjusting to the new baby because she wasn't being prepared. It does help that our LO on the way is a boy, so she'll still be the only girl. It's great that you're thinking ahead and finding ways for her to still have her own time, ie dates with daddy. Find ways for her to be involved with baby too. And just know that it's a big adjustment for her, and all kids typically go through a period of behavioral issues when getting a new sibling. Usually it passes,and everyone adjusts. She's at a good age for a new sibling, and will probably be very excited to be the doting big sister! Good luck!!
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  • awesomenus1341awesomenus1341 member
    I don't know that I am the best for giving this advice as I don't have any BK of my own yet. But, SS just turned 4 and his grandmother had a baby 2 months before his 4th birthday (they all live together, so although they are not technically siblings, it's the same general idea). SS had a few months where he was very jealous of the baby (right before and right after he was born). All of a sudden SS was helpless, couldn't put on his shirt, wanted to wear his old "baby" shoes, needed help doing everything because he "is a baby too." Idk what happens at BM's house, but I do think they made an effort for him to be involved with the baby, let him hold the baby with assistance, give the baby a toy or pacifier to quit crying, pick out toys, etc.. At our house, we encouraged SS to do things on his own (as he was previously doing) and then made a huge deal about what a big boy he was and how proud we were that he could do xyz by himself. Now, he loves the baby, even begs to take him with us when we pick him up for our weekends. He told DH not too long ago that "daddy you're bored, you need to make a baby, but only a baby boy." Get her involved early and keep reminding her how helpful she is and how proud you are, what a big sister and great sister and how lucky LO is to have her as a sister, etc. Also, be ready, 4 years old is the beginning of the "watch me" age, so she should be eager to show how big and helpful she is!
    fbls


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  • WahooWahoo member

    Start treating her like a "big girl" now, so that she is more independent, able to help you, etc.  Say "please" and "thank you" when she helps out (with anything, not just baby related).

    When a second baby is born (BF or not), dad has to step up to the plate if he is used to you doing the heavy lifting in terms of child care.  He can take SD out, etc.  Also, he can stay home with the baby while you and SD do "big girl" things like getting manicures or just going out for "girl time."

    You may think I am crazy, but it also helps if SD has friends in the area for playdates.  Even if they are in YOUR house, it keeps SD entertained.

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
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  • ambrvanambrvan member
    My SD was about a little over 3.5 yo when DS was born, and the transition was really smooth. Not any different from any other family, intact or not. Just make sure that you involve her in things, answer her questions, don't tell her to go away or always be quiet because of the baby, and when she seems to be having a rough time, explain the difference between quantity and quality of time. You may spend a lot of time feeding, changing, and holding the baby but it's not all because you enjoy it, it is hard work. Then follow up in a moment spare moment with the two pf you painting your nails and Daddy taking her to the store and stuff.
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