help me solve this positive discipline style
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So my son has taken to positive discipline really well. of course he's a kid and has his moments of defiance but overall i really can't whine about his behavior...until now. ha. he is three going on thirteen and mimics everything older children do. he goes to preschool and now thinks he is completely grown. lol. for example, there are some older sibs that run to their parents car after school lets out. he follows suit and ignores my requests to stop running. today at the playground he 'made friends' with some older kids who were around eight. by the playground there is a small pond if you walk up a set of stairs and follow a path where the older kids were going. naturally he wanted to follow suit. when i informed him that he couldnt leave the park he said 'but mom, i'm going with the guys' and continued walking away from me. haha.
any creative advice to get him to stop him from defying me to do things older kids are able to do is much appreciated.
Re: help me solve this positive discipline style
I have a couple of different thoughts, one is that with DD1 (who's 3 and a bit) I'm pretty firm on, "if you can't comply with safe behaviours then we will leave."
So essentially one of my "safe" behaviours is listening to my instructions. You won't walk in the car park like I've asked, then you will have to hold my hand. You won't stay in the boundaries at the park I have set then we will have to go home.
DD is really good at staying close when crossing roads and when in carparks. So I was appalled the other day when she ran across a road ahead of me and wouldn't stop when I called her.
I marched her back across the road, and got down at her level and pointed out cars that were around, then I made her hold my hand as crossed the road, and made her keep holding my hand all the way down the street until we got to the car. Then we got in the car and had another talk about listening to Mum. Then she started telling me to stop so we ended up having a little game and giggle because as soon as she'd stay stop, I'd stop in my tracks like a statue.
My go to line is always, "I need you to be safe." rather than making it about being naughty.
My other thought about the big kids and the pond, is whether it would have been an option for you to follow. The 8 yr old may not have appreciated an 3 yr old and his Mum tagging along, but the compromise could have been that I can come with you to look at the pond.
But depending on the nature of the park, I probably would have stuck with, "we are staying in this area, those boys are leaving so you'll have to say goodbye to them." which to me is no different than if they were going home.
ETA but I wouldn't be upset by him saying "no" like fredalina said, it's all about defiance.
Not sure my ideas are creative. I love the idea of lots of babysitters.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
unfortunately a lot of times he runs off before I can even grab his hand at dismissal. I always have dd with me and usually I'm responding to what the teacher reports on him for that day. Naturally in three year old fashion he's a perfect angel at school. Lol.
we definitely use the safe discussion about cars being dangerous. His rebuttal was "but mom, I looked both ways". An answer for everything. Ha.
those were only a few examples but this is definitely an ongoing issue-the whole he sees older kids doing something he can't do or others doing behavior that i deem inappropriate and he wants to do since someone else is.i need to find words that resonate with him so he gets it. In his mind he's 6'6 like his dad. Lol.
Eta-we use sitters. Frequently. I am team pawn my kids off when I can. Haha
i like the what if approach-will definitely have to try it. Thanks!