How to tell MIL she's not invited...
MzCurnett8886
member
Originally my MIL wanted to host her own shower for her side of the family because she didn't want to sit in the same room as DH's step mother. Okay, that's great that you want to throw your own we worked out a date and all seemed well and good.
MIL Facebook messages me that she has changed her mind and now she can be in the same room as step mother and here is her list of 25guests that were coming to her shower and they have been informed that my SIL (not her daughter but step mother's daughter) is the new hostess. SIL and I worked out that she could afford DH's dad 's side of the family and that was it, all of our family friends would be invited to the shower my sisters are throwing for me.
My sisters detest MIL because she said she would cohost my bridal shower and ended inviting all these guests, didn't come to help setup or stay to clean up and didn't come through when she said she would bring food, she brought 12cupcakes from the local grocery store when she came late. So when I asked if they could maybe accommodate those extra guests my sister said yes, but it's MIL's fault for canceling her shower and they don't want to pay for her tacky behavior. I can't blame any of my other hostesses because they have their own budgets within their own means and I don't want to push that.
How do I let MIL know that she and her guests no longer have a shower to attend? It's really tacky that she told her family and friends about this and is now trying to dump the costs on someone else's budget.
ETA: I needed to add why my sisters dislike MIL and that DH is deployed about to switch to bomb squad school so he has other things on his mind.
Re: How to tell MIL she's not invited...
that is really super tacky on your MIL's part
in an effort to keep the peace, I would tell your MIL that SIL already planned and budgeted everything for the number of guests that were on her list, and that if they now want to combine showers, she can add herself as a hostess and help SIL out with the difference in the cost.
I wouldn't try to elimnate MIL and her friends from the shower (again, I try to be a peacekeeper), but she can't be such a freeloader.
I would just tell her that since the plans were already set with her doing a separate party that other plans were made that cannot be changed now. Unfortunately, they won't be able to accommodate those party guests and to keep the original plan.
Who are the extra guests and have they already RSVPed? Are they family, friends etc? Are they people that you know? I'm just wondering if that list could be thinned out. If they are people that you don't know and aren't related to then just tell her she has to tell them it has been canceled. If that were to leave you with significantly fewer people maybe it would be easier to work out.
It's really ridiculous that she is putting this on you to figure out.
It's DH's mom side aunts, cousins, grandmothers, and close family friends. She didn't send out invitations but was getting addresses and so all those invited to her shower are now asking SIL when it is and where. MIL doesn't seem to have any interest in cohosting, she just said that she's sure my sisters and SIL have the money for a "few" more people if they really wanted to.
This. Tell her your sister can accommodate a certain number of people. Tell her you would love f
This. Tell her your sister can accommodate a certain number of people. Tell her you would love for her to be there and give her your sisters info so she can help financially.
Not inviting her would just start too much drama and its not worth it over something like this.
This. Tell her your sister can accommodate a certain number of people. Tell her you would love for her to be there and give her your sisters info so she can help financially.
Not inviting her would just start too much drama and its not worth it over something like this.
SIL's shower is DH's dad's side so those aunts, cousins, grandmothers, family friends, church friends so it's about 50women. The only person that is overlapping are is my mother who is taking pictures for DH who wanted to see what the shower looked like since he's deployed and she's helping transport gifts and driving me.
This. I would also let MIL straighten this out with the people she invited and give SIL a head's up in case the guests start approaching her ddirectly.
All of this. And because I feel feisty, I will add to stick your tongue out at her. She is a big brat.
THIS. there is no way she should dump 26 extra people on a poor host. that is an insane amount to just "expect" someone to cover for
This and exactly this. And make no exceptions. She made a plan, it was, set, and she conveniently changed her mind to avoid the extra cost and dump the responsibility on someone else? I wouldn't let that garbage slide.