Baby Shower followed by Birthday Party for husband?

smf0283 · April 2013

My SIL's are throwing me a baby shower in July (I'm due the end of August). They have asked if I would like to have the shower at my house, or at one of their houses. I opted for my house because we have more space and then I won't have to lug everything back after the shower. They will be doing all of the planning and my house will just be the location.

My husband will be turning 30 the same week as my baby shower. He wants to go play golf with the guys during the shower. I thought it would be nice to have all of his friends come back to our house after the shower/golf and have a BBQ/bon fire for his birthday.

I would be buying all of the food for the BBQ and birthday party-so my SIL's wouldn't be doing anything for that. I was thinking of keeping it casual and just sending out facebook invites for the birthday party-so it wouldn't have anything to do with the shower invites that they are sending out. I could ask them to add something like "P.S. stay after the shower for a 30th birthday celebration for Jared!" but I didn't know if that would be pushing it.

My question is-is this tacky or weird?

ordinary1 · April 2013

I'm not sure I consider it tacky but I definitely find it weird. I would make it two separate days. Also, after the shower you might not be up for anything but sleep. I had my showers at 34 weeks and afterwards all I wanted to do to was sleep.

EastCoastBride · April 2013

I don't think there is anything tacky about this. It sounds like everyone at the shower will be invited to the party, right?

The only "problem" I see is the amount of time. You know your friends/ family - will they be up for the full run?

EastCoastBride · April 2013

ordinary1:
I had my showers at 34 weeks and afterwards all I wanted to do to was sleep.

This is a good point too!

TX-Bride · April 2013

I would not do it! I have been invited to a back to back event before, and as a guest I felt really awkward and uncomfortable!!

It wasn't a shower, it was like ladies night right after the hosts kid's birthday party, since I didn't have kids, I was not invited to the kid's party, but I walked in and guests from previous party were still packing and leaving, some of the guests were confused, why new guests are arriving. I felt bad that I didn't know there was a party before hand and didn't have a gift for the little kid! Total mess IMO.

If you really want to do it, make sure all your shower guests are aware, but that implies that they would have a small gift for your H's BD, even if it's a bottle of wine! And make sure the wives or SO of you H's friends are invited to the shower. You don't want anyone feel excluded from one or the other event.

jasminelorraine20 · April 2013

I think it's a good idea. After my shower at my Mother's house, she had a get together bon fire type event afterwards and everyone had a great time. I wasn't tired until much later and I was pretty far along.

Helenahhandbasket · April 2013

I would consider having a celebration for your H maybe the weekend before or after?

I think it's too much to have both events together-- you would basically be taking up your guests' entire day (instead of a few hours for your baby shower.)

smf0283 · April 2013

I guess I didn't even think about what a long day it would turn into! I think most of his friends would be up for it-but I'm not sure about some of my family and his family. I would certainly invite everyone to both parties-obviously not the guys to the shower, but all shower guests would be invited to the party and I wouldn't invite anyone to just the bday party.

guilletskichuk · April 2013

As a guest who would want to attend both events, I think I would prefer making a day out of it and attend both back to back. The selfish side of me would prefer to go to both events in one day rather than having to give up two separate days to attend them. Sorry if that sounds b!tchy, but I think that is what I would prefer. I know that I wouldn't have to attend both if I think my time is so precious but it's not even that. Summer plans are busy and we have things going on every weekend. I wouldn't want to miss out on one event or the other because of a conflicting schedule.

smf0283 · April 2013

Guilletskichuk-That's another thought that I had. We have a lot of friends who go up to the lake during the summer as well as some friends who are getting married. So I thought it would be nice to only take up one of their Saturday's instead of two.

I am still torn on what to do-everyone has given great advice, thank you! I think I will maybe ask a few of our family and friends what they think and see if I can get some feedback from them. My husband of course, could care less either way!

Monkeybutt80 · April 2013

you might be exhausted after your shower and might not want to deal with hosting a bday party for your DH after. my shower was last weekend, and my husband went golfing with his family during it, and after the shower and his golf, we went out to dinner with the in laws that were visiting for the shower and both my husband and I were exhausted... it was a hot day also, so he was exhausted after golf, and I was tired after the shower too. something to consider.

kristinc01 · April 2013

guilletskichuk:
As a guest who would want to attend both events, I think I would prefer making a day out of it and attend both back to back. The selfish side of me would prefer to go to both events in one day rather than having to give up two separate days to attend them. Sorry if that sounds b!tchy, but I think that is what I would prefer. I know that I wouldn't have to attend both if I think my time is so precious but it's not even that. Summer plans are busy and we have things going on every weekend. I wouldn't want to miss out on one event or the other because of a conflicting schedule.

Agree with above. I would likely go to one or the other if they were on separate weekends, not both. So you might get the best all-around turn out if you combine it. You may have to tweak timing a little or something, because I think a round of golf may take much longer than a baby shower.

abell77 · April 2013

I think it's fine, but if it were me, I would specify "no gifts" for the husband's party. After a day where we would already be receiving gifts, I would feel bad if people felt they had to bring another gift.

foxyroxy · April 2013

We did a version of this at my bridal shower: While the ladies were all at a shower, my dad wanted to take the men drinking. Everyone ended up back at my parents' place for a BBQ. It was a HUGE hit. People still talk about it 9 years later. In fact, we decided to do the same thing for the baby shower. If I get exhausted, I'll just slip away for a nap.

guilletskichuk · April 2013

foxyroxy:
We did a version of this at my bridal shower: While the ladies were all at a shower, my dad wanted to take the men drinking. Everyone ended up back at my parents' place for a BBQ. It was a HUGE hit. People still talk about it 9 years later. In fact, we decided to do the same thing for the baby shower. If I get exhausted, I'll just slip away for a nap.

Something similar happened at my bridal shower and was supposed to happen at my baby shower. Perhaps that's why I like the idea of having both events on one day. I like a lot of hustle and bustle too. My bridal shower was supposed to be a surprise but DH let it slip so I knew about it. However, neither of us knew that my dad planned to have all the men over at our house for drinks and munchies during the shower. After the shower a bunch of the women came to our house to "collect" their husbands and significant others. They stuck around to socialize afterward. It was a good time!

My dad and his gf planned to do the same thing for my "surprise" baby shower except that, once again, my DH told me about the shower because I had plans to go out to a ladies' night that evening. The men were supposed to meet up at my dad's house this time. However, DH was in the hospital with pneumonia that weekend so the plans had to be altered quite a bit.

I really enjoyed my baby shower and didn't find that I needed to relax afterward. In fact, I did end up going out to the ladies' night that evening and had a good time. However, I wasn't pregnant at the baby shower because it was held when LO was 3 weeks old. BUT, I was functioning on virtually no sleep as I was parenting LO and my step kids on my own that weekend while DH was in the hospital.

queenbone · April 2013

I don't think it is tacky or weird and I would go to both parties.

And as a PP pointed out if you do get tired, you can just head off to bed. If this is your family and close friends I don't think they will be judging a pregnant you for that.

smf0283 · May 2013

Thanks everyone. I talked to my husband and he would prefer to do it on the same day. We have decided to do his party invites just by word of mouth or facebook-nothing too formal. His only request is that he does not want to slave over a hot grill in the sun--so I just have to think of food that doesn't require the grill.

If I get tired early-I will just sneak off to bed

supersarah77 · May 2013

I went to a shower last summer at a park and the first hour was just the girls. She just asked for books as gifts so she opened all the book gifts. Then the guys joined and we BBQd. It was all related to celebrating upcoming baby though. I wouldn't make it a bday celebration.

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