Blaming myself (long) — The Bump
Babies: 0 - 3 Months

Blaming myself (long)

LO almost certainly has reflux and has had it for a while.  It's slowly got worse and worse and now it is so bad he spits up and then screams for half an hour (at least) after each feeding and has trouble sleeping no matter what I do.  I took him to the pediatrician and she started him on .3 ML Zantac 2x/day but from what I'm reading that might be too low a dose.  Also after 3 doses he is no better.  Hmmm. 

Anyway I feel awful because I've felt like something is wrong for weeks and every time I brought it up someone would say "oh babies cry sometimes" and I just pushed my worries aside assuming I was just being an overly anxious FTM.  It took LO getting so miserable for me to finally insist on him seeing the pediatrician.  I guess reflux can get worse if not treated so now I feel responsible.  Every time he screws up his little face in pain as I nurse him feels like a knife to the heart.

He's turning 6 weeks this week so soon we will probably be dealing with the 6 week growth spurt on top of all of this.  And there is also the chance that his discomfort is related to my diet or to milk intolerance but the pedi wants to see if the Zantac works first.  

I just needed to type out how I feel about all of this.  I wish I had recognized the signs earlier and been more proactive.  Even though I'm late the party, does anyone have any advice or suggestions?  Thanks.

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Re: Blaming myself (long)

  • What you have to remember is that we all have and WILL make mistakes when parenting. It is best to learn from it and not beat yourself up every single time, although someone like me will, just try not to.

    At least you are getting help for it. As for changing your diet too, I would probably hold off until the medicine really kicks (like a week) then change your diet if that didn't help. Just so you know for sure if he has a milk intolerance.

     
     
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  • My 10lb6oz'er was started on 0.5ml twice a day.  They start with the lowest dose per weight and slowly increase.  I noticed it working in about 48 hours but it should take a good week to be noticeable.  Give it time, I go back after 3 weeks to assess.

     

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  • to be fair even if you had brought it up with your Ped they might have dismissed it until your baby got to that point.  

    I told my pediatrician all the signs of my LO having reflux (bad congestion despite a humidifier and daily nose cleans, hiccups every time i set her down after a meal, the "Wet" burps and weird face she made after the burps, the fact she was now harder to burp than ever, her constant feeding despite choking after the last oz of a bottle, the coughing and gagging, bad breathe, constant drool, acidic spit up, the aggressive sucking of the hands and pacifier despite not being hungry,  random yelling/crying in the middle of her sleep etc-all pointed to silent reflux) and she said yes, she probably had it.  She asked if she was particularly fussy and i said no, that i was a big "baby wearer" so i usually caught signs of what she needed pre fuss and that she actually slept amazing during the night. It was doing the DAY she seemed in pain. 

    The pediatrician said they only prescribed Zantac to babies who were so fussy they would be considered colicy. After still having a fairly content baby who was CHOKING now, constantly, wether feeding or not, and whose sounds were getting raspier and raspier-i took her in and said I wanted the Zantac.  She doesn't spit up, she gets the really crappy end of it-where it goes up and down in her throat and she chokes on the refluxed material! 

    So my Pediatrician was going to make me wait until LO got to that point (if she ever did) even if the acid was doing damage.  she's been on the zantac about 5 days and there is definitely a difference in her breath, and she has stopped screaming in the middle of her naps.  She still refluxes, that i can only do home remedies for and watch the bottles, but the acid is no longer burning her throat which is really what I wanted the Zantac for.   

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  • I understand the guilt.  I have two kids - 4 and 2 - with a third on the way.  I have definitely had quite a few times when I wish I had pushed harder with the pedi or trusted my kids or my instinct more when something was wrong.  The guilt is awful - but you have to remember that you are learning every single day and parenting is so very hard.  Try not to beat yourself up.  The guilt is a part of parenting and in my eyes it just shows how much you care.  Hope your LO feels better soon!
  • Both my kids have been on Zantac for reflux (one silent reflux, the other projectile vomit!)  It could take a few weeks to work and it only stops the burn, they still urp up everything.  I know when I eat or drink anything with caffeine (chocolate! soda!) it makes my babies really ill. :( 

     

     

     

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  • image VPGIRL06:

    to be fair even if you had brought it up with your Ped they might have dismissed it until your baby got to that point.  

    I told my pediatrician all the signs of my LO having reflux (bad congestion despite a humidifier and daily nose cleans, hiccups every time i set her down after a meal, the "Wet" burps and weird face she made after the burps, the fact she was now harder to burp than ever, her constant feeding despite choking after the last oz of a bottle, the coughing and gagging, bad breathe, constant drool, acidic spit up, the aggressive sucking of the hands and pacifier despite not being hungry,  random yelling/crying in the middle of her sleep etc-all pointed to silent reflux) and she said yes, she probably had it.  She asked if she was particularly fussy and i said no, that i was a big "baby wearer" so i usually caught signs of what she needed pre fuss and that she actually slept amazing during the night. It was doing the DAY she seemed in pain. 

    The pediatrician said they only prescribed Zantac to babies who were so fussy they would be considered colicy. After still having a fairly content baby who was CHOKING now, constantly, wether feeding or not, and whose sounds were getting raspier and raspier-i took her in and said I wanted the Zantac.  She doesn't spit up, she gets the really crappy end of it-where it goes up and down in her throat and she chokes on the refluxed material! 

    So my Pediatrician was going to make me wait until LO got to that point (if she ever did) even if the acid was doing damage.  she's been on the zantac about 5 days and there is definitely a difference in her breath, and she has stopped screaming in the middle of her naps.  She still refluxes, that i can only do home remedies for and watch the bottles, but the acid is no longer burning her throat which is really what I wanted the Zantac for.   

    I would switch pedi's if mine were like this. 

    Don't beat yourself up at all. Like PP said, we all make mistakes, and you aren't going to know it all at first, it's really a trial and error process. The upside to this is now you are aware of the symptoms for future kids, and you are getting your LO what he/she needs to improve. GL!

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