Feel like I am losing it (longish)

hopefulmom81 · April 2013

Mobile: "Feel like I am losing it (longish)

I am not sure what the deal is. I felt like I had moved out of the post partum anxiety around the time DD turned 4 months old.

I look back, though, and I realize I might have gotten over the worst of it, but it has been lingering this whole time.

I always find two things (disease, disorder, etc) to focus on and convince myself that I have the one and DD has the other. I google them, research them, completely work myself up, and start noticing the "symptoms" and reflecting back and seeing that the symptoms had been there all along.

For example, DD has always choked on her sippy of water. Now, logically, one might think that this is because she is trying to drink it like a bottle, overdoing it, and choking on the amount of fluid and just taking a bit to learn.

Me? I have been researching dysphagia and aspiration for the last hour, thinking back to when she would sputter when breast feeding, has always had weird poops, sometimes breathes weird and have myself fully convinced she has some larger issue and needs a swallow study. Even typing this, it seems nuts, but in my head, it makes complete sense. In my head, DD has dysphagia without a doubt until the doctor or nurse reassures me she is fine.

I am so tired of being like this and having my brain work like this. I am going back to therapy tomorrow, but just needed to get this off of my chest. While I feel great, mostly, I am struggling daily.

Thanks for listening.

MrsRiceARoni · April 2013

I'm sorry your feeling this way, I hope the therapy helps you to stop worrying so much. Some degree of worry is normal for all parents and I think as AL moms we are naturally more concerned but I am glad you are getting some help if it is causing you such distress.

emeraudecephiro · April 2013

Biggest of hugs, my friend. I have the same issue a lot of the time, I always think zebras, not horses when something is wrong, because with me, it is almost always zebras.

Like when I had m/s before I knew I was pregnant? I thought I was dying of some exotic disease, or toxiplasmosis. Never occurred to me I was pregnant.

Lots of love and hugs and all that mushy stuff! I believe in you. You can do it.

MickeyM04 · April 2013

Oh hopeful, I'm sorry you are going through this. I have been dealing with PPA for awhile...it's managed pretty well now on meds, but it got really bad. Mine was/is all death oriented. Initially I was like obscenely worried about SIDS, and then it turned into me worrying that I was going to die, like in a car wreck on the way home, and I'd never see DS again. I was having numerous panic attacks a day thinking I was about to die that very day and never see DS again. Therapy and meds have helped a lot. I'm glad you're getting the help you need. If you ever want to talk with someone who's been there, PM me please. xoxox

samm1983 · April 2013

I'm sorry you are going through that. Big hugs! Hopefully the therapy will help some.

adoxyinherear · April 2013

*hugs* I am so sorry. I have always suffered from sometimes crippling anxiety, and it can be impossible, sometimes, to take these things in hand and really function. I hope you can get the help you need.

Feel like I am losing it (longish)

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