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September 2012 Moms
tinyhumantoe
member
My freaking neighbor VENT
tinyhumantoe
member
I had to pick up W early today. After 3 hours of hell (teething, yay), I FINALLY got her down for a nap. Just as I'm sneaking out of her room, **BANG BANG BANG.** What the Fing F.
**BANG BANG BANG, BANG BANG BANG BANGity bang bang** again.
W wakes up. I'm on freaking fire. Who knocks on the door like that? The dog is going crazy, so I come downstairs. I nearly fall over from a heart attack as I round the corner and *bam* someone is in my kitchen!
It's my freaking weird neighbor!!! She's oh-so-innocently looking at pictures of W on my bulletin board, which is a good ten paces from the door she let herself in (which was WIDE OPEN). She asks if she can see W, I say no. She looks me over. "How's your weight loss going?" "not well" "Oh well you know the doctors say you have to get it off within 6 months or it's never coming off." "oh, well then I'm in trouble, it's been 7.5" Then she somehow ropes me into showing her a recent pic of W from my phone. She takes it from my hand and starts scrolling through the last 30 pictures, even watching the videos! Thoughts race through my head - are my 'before' weight loss pics of me in my underwear in there? Ughhh. At that point I start praying that the next pic up is something that will teach her a lesson..... perhaps a detailed shot of DH's scrotum.
Then she starts to walk in my living room, checking everything out while she's talking. Bear in mind I still can't get my heart to slow down. My house is a disaster! How embarrassing. She just mosies around the whole place. She stopped to stare down at some spit looking crap on the carpet, and said it looks like something got on your carpet, and beds down to investigate. I let her get pretty close, then told her it's dog puke. She looked absolutely horrified and waited for me to come clean it. I told her to be sure she didn't step in and went and got the mail.
My freaking dog puked 1,434,345 times today. All I have done all day is clean up flucking puke. Apparently he gifted me more when I was upstairs. But I kinda liked letting her think I was just letting it sit there all day. I was two seconds from saying, "W will get it when she wakes up."
I finally get her to leave, and she says she'll "check back" in an hour. All of my doors are now locked. Are you freaking kidding me. I will not be answering the door. I wonder if any of this makes sense...I am so angry!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: My freaking neighbor VENT
Who the hell does this???
YES, LOCK YOUR DOORS. If it were me, I'd also have a few choice words for her on a separate occasion.
Sorry you had to deal with that crap. What an idiot.
Seriously. I would have been saying WTF are you doing?!
I'm sorry! crazy bitchh
Liam Dean | 09.11.12 | 6lbs 13oz
Eek. Lock all the door. All the time.
Sorry that your neighbor is crazy cakes... I probably would have done the same thing.
BFP #2 11/30/09 EDD 08/12/10- Sophia Grace born 8/1/10
BFP #3 11/16/10 EDD 08/04/11- Samuel Richard born 7/28/11
BFP #4 01/04/12 EDD 09/19/12- Simon Nathaniel born 9/6/12
BFP #5 03/27/13 EDD 11/25/13- Savannah Lee born 11/18/13
Sounds like you need to hand a riffle on the wall...right near the door.
Dexter 08/31/2012~Summer 07/25/2011~Jack 10/21/2008~Aaron 08/12/2007
This is what I was going to ask. Why didn't you just ask her to leave and not enter your house without permission.
Kid #1 - 09/03/12
Hysteroscopy #10 - scar tissue grew back reblocking my right tube
#11 or IVF with scarring still inside?
1 lone embryo from September 2016 retreival, dx with Trisomy 16, starting fresh
[MC 11.20.11] [DS born 9.24.12] [DD born 10.15.14]
Your neighbor does sound like a piece of work, but the above made me LOL! If only she had seen that, maybe she'd leave you alone, but it sounds like she's so oblivious that may not even scare her away!
I can't speak for THT
But I'm afraid of people. Even people who pose no threat to me whatsoever. Because of this I'm a huge push over and generally try to keep everyone happy and I never ever become confrontational. I would have been thinking evil thoughts but at the same time I wouldn't have been able to bring myself to get her to GTFO.
BFP #2 11/30/09 EDD 08/12/10- Sophia Grace born 8/1/10
BFP #3 11/16/10 EDD 08/04/11- Samuel Richard born 7/28/11
BFP #4 01/04/12 EDD 09/19/12- Simon Nathaniel born 9/6/12
BFP #5 03/27/13 EDD 11/25/13- Savannah Lee born 11/18/13
DS: 9/18/12 - 40w5d // DD: 05/17/16 - 40w
Is this the same lady that was peeking in your windows or whatever? There's no way I would have been able to go this long without telling her off. Hopefully you will lock your doors from now on!
I am the opposite. Which is why I asked why she didn't just say GTFO. I do understand the other side of things, wanting to keep the peace and all, but if someone was an uninvited person walking into my home where I am alone with my child, you better believe I don't care if I have to see this person every day. They would be getting a piece of my mind.
Good luck THT with whatever you end up doing.
Kid #1 - 09/03/12
Hysteroscopy #10 - scar tissue grew back reblocking my right tube
#11 or IVF with scarring still inside?
1 lone embryo from September 2016 retreival, dx with Trisomy 16, starting fresh
Oh, THT, I am so sorry! I would definitely be sending DH or even the cops over to let her know, entering your home without your permissions is unacceptable! And to wake W up like that is just horrid!
Like someone else said, as much as I have enjoyed your crazy neighbor stories, this one goes WAY TOO far! Not that the others didn't, but at least she was staying in her own home then!
Emilia Antoinette
10.03.12 at 41w5d
Sorry for the p&r last night. Thanks for letting me vent!
It's not really an issue where I feel there is any danger, or where I would ever get the cops involved. We've lived here for over 3 years, and DH talks to this woman a lot when they are outside doing yard work.
I'm not very forward, and I think me saying something stern to her would be a shock to the situation, because she doesn't seem to have bad intentions. She is just so far in my bubble it's not even funny.
In a way I think she is very old school - the wife cooks dinner, keeps the house tidy at all times for visitors, etc. But we don't fit that mold at all. I work the more demanding job, DH pulls more weight around the house, and our house is nice for visitors who understand I have a kid.... I'm not going to tidy up all the toys when LO goes down for a 30 min nap, because I'd have to get them out when she wakes up.
The only thing I could muster up in that situation was my little (perhaps passive aggressive) comment with the dog puke. Anyway, I'm sure this is exactly what DH wanted to hear about when he walked in the door :-/ He said that she means well. Then I got pissy with him.
Even if she is not a psycho stalker and does mean well, you were furious when this happened. That's what makes it important for something to change. It's not fair to you and you were bothered by it.
Are you ok with her waking the baby when she bangs on the door? Are you ok with being scaredshitless when you come downstairs and find her in your house? Are you ok with her waltzing through your house when it's a mess or you're in your PJ's or whatever? It sure didn't sound like it last night.
^^^The problem is that her DH is the one who said she means well.
I guess this is where I think situations can be handled with more restraint. When something needs said at work or for LO's well-being, I can be extremely direct.
But in this case, when this lady is yes - in my kitchen, uninvited - but smiley and friendly, where does me telling her to get out get me? Trying to dodge her every time I come or go from my own house? Feeling strange when I'm pushing LO in her swing out back and she's in her back yard? I guess I don't see the point in handling it that way.
And maybe it's the traditional Indiana girl in me, but I don't feel right scolding my 60 year old neighbor.
I think I can keep my door locked to prevent it, and if it ever happens again, I'll be prepared to respond with - "Oh my gosh ___, this is the second time you've given me an absolute heart attack in my own kitchen. Sometimes I walk through the kitchen in my underwear on my way to the dryer. You're lucky you caught me with clothes on." I think that would accomplish the same thing.
I guess I'm saying that being unlike myself - cold and matter-of-fact - will not go over like it does for people who are naturally very direct. And it will further complicate my life, and make me anxious, so meh. Not my style. I've said before that I admire people who can be direct. Is it perhaps a regional thing? I was taught to be the way I am.
Oh, and DH.......... grrrr
He's working double time this week, and LO's babysitter called in sick today, and my dog is still puking 100 times on the carpet, so I'll pick this bone with him next week - if it's still bothering me. Out of the entire situation, his reaction bothered me the most. He said he was trying to make light of it.
Where does it get you? It gets you to have someone respect your privacy and boundaries and not scare the crap out of you.
I don't mean to be argumentative. You're a grown woman and you're certainly entitled to respond however you like. But you vented about the situation because you were furious. You felt violated. And rightfully so. You have every right to set reasonable boundaries in your own home. You have a right to stand up for what you want (or don't want). You can be clear and firm and still polite. And the second part that I bolded in your quote? That's just being passive aggressive and dodging the issue.
Is it going to be awkward for awhile when you see her outside? Maybe. I'm not saying you need to go in to her house guns blazing and tell her you're going to press charges. But if you haven't said ANYTHING to her about her behavior bothering you, why should she stop? So like I said in my earlier post, if you're ok with all that happened last night and the likelihood that it will happen again, no need to do anything. But you didn't sound ok with it.
She says rude things and is nosy/snoopy. I know many people like her in their 60s+. I think she's old and crusty and doesn't know when to bite her tongue. I don't see how it's irresponsible for me not lay it all on the line, but instead handle the situation more passively. Is it really a dangerous situation?
And MomtobeNJ........ I think the part of my comment you highlighted is slightly passive aggressive, but addresses the issue without hurting her feelings or causing confrontation. I think people on this board jump all over passive-aggressiveness, and while I'm not saying this is the right time to use that method, I think there are places where everyone involved comes out unscathed and on the same page. That can't always be said for being bold and direct.
I also recognize that people like me who are more 'alternative route' with handling situations baffle and infuriate people who have no problem being direct. If you are a typically direct person, then this seems pretty black and white, stand up for yourself or don't.
I sincerely appreciate suggestions on how to handle this, but 'get the F out' isn't something I'm going to do, and I'm not going to call the cops. I did like Anita's suggestion.
When I'm handling my employees, I'm very direct. When I'm dealing with a client, I choose an alternative route to get through speed bumps and that has proven very successful. Door-in-face would have been the result of a direct approach, but again I decide based on the person I'm dealing with.
For me it's not "go direct, or go home." It's situational.
Lol!
It happened, I even left out a handful of details. I was seeing red, Im still flaming pissed about it, and yes I feel violated 100%. I get bent out of shape if people drop by out of the blue when they could have given me a quick call 5 minutes before...... so yes, someone coming into my house uninvited is an extreme violation. Where did I say I'm okay with the situation?
I feel violated, but seriously in danger? No, I don't feel like I'm in danger. Not a situation for the cops - that tells me that maybe I didn't do a great job explaining the situation.
I'm currently defending the way that I've decided to handle it. Why does that make my 'story' seem any less authentic? In what way am I justifying her behavior? I'm justifying my reaction, and future action.
Come on people, is there not anyone on TB who is like me and uncomfortable with coarse interactions? I guess they would be avoiding this discussion, ha.
I guess I view it as trying to explain the situation better, not making an excuse for why it's okay for her to come in - cause it's not.
And yes, I am trying to avoid awkwardness.
Things I wouldn't say:
"You need to get out of my house right now"
"It is unacceptable for you to walk it my home."
Something I might consider saying,
"You know, it really caught me off guard that you came into my home. I'm not always ready for visitors."
So now I'm baffled at why anyone would think this is muddy? Really?
So if I would have said, "I told her to get out of my house, that she cannot walk in uninvited."......... then that would have been....
un-muddy?
So this would be acceptable? Even though it's still minorly passive because my last sentence kind of diffuses the awkwardness?
Hmm. I felt hot, panicked, and upset. I was hot and sweaty and had no bra on. I just wanted her out of my house and I wanted to figure out how to deal with it later after speaking with DH. I was being cordial enough to end the interaction asap.
I don't know, I panicked and clammed up. Then she was gone. I missed my window to address the issue.
Now it has been a day. Versus minutes after it happening. Theatrics? I can assure you that the details were representative of what happened, and I was/am incredibly upset. I keyboard vomited the situation as soon as it happened, so yah, maybe it would have had less punctuation if I posted it today and asked for advice.
Come at me bro, lol.
I think at this point everyone is becoming more frustrated. The bottom line is that I do need to say something in order to stop it from happening again. I'm fine with that.
I do stand by my opinion that this is not a dangerous situation where I need to protect my child. Protect my privacy and personal space, sure.
I am like you and would avoid confrontation with a neighbor. But I would have DH say something for me. He is such a chatty cathy with everyone so I know he could have a light conversation about it without being all "WTF lady" but still getting my point across. If he tried to dismiss the situation, I would tell him he needed to be supportive of me and help me handle it.
But you're not even willing to do THAT. If you believe it was a violation of your privacy and personal space, why would you let it continue? Why is that acceptable to you?
And I think you're kidding yourself if you believe she's going to seriously regard a backhanded, joking comment like "Ha ha...you're lucky you didn't find me in my underwear, walking in here unannounced like that!"
I think it is fair to say that I should say something reasonable - and I think my latest solution is fine. I'm really not going to comment on the new direction of this thread.
Hide yo kids, hide yo wife.