Feeling Guilty

LittleMrsAC · April 2013

I miscarried a couple weeks ago at 5/6 weeks. It's my second mc. The first one took me up until the week before I mc this last time to get over (5 years). The first time I was 2 months. This time just over a month...and it's been a couple weeks and emotionally I feel fine and we have plans to start trying again as soon as we can and this makes me feel guilty. Has anyone else gone through this? I feel like it took me so long to get over my first mc that I feel guilty that I think I feel normal again so quickly. I feel like it's an injustice to my baby - that I'm so how betraying the baby. and since no one really knows about my miscarriage except my husband, I really just needed to say it.

nolalove610 · April 2013

I, too, felt guilty this time around for my second pregnancy. I was so excited to see the heartbeat, but I felt so bad because I never saw a heartbeat for the first one. We barely saw a fetal pole and I was almost 7 weeks; that eventually led us to believe that there may have only been an empty sac. Now this time, I saw and heard a heartbeat a week and a half before I lost this one. Now I feel guilty, like I could have done something different. Like maybe I didn't eat as healthy as I should have, maybe that 8 pound bag of dog food was too much for me to lift, maybe I didn't rest with my feet up enough. It's hard to hear people say not to feel guilty; its natural to feel that way. Remember that you have all of us to help you, to listen, and to comfort.

Kay6519 · April 2013

You shouldn't feel guilty. You have been grieving for so long that you deserve a change of pace. You loved both LO's, and that is the important part. Be happy as long as you have reason for joy. Trying again is a good reason to be happy! And if you can look forward to that with any less anxiety of fear or sadness, then you are miles ahead of the rest of us who are scared to death of the "what if's." Please don't feel guilty for feeling normal again. I would love to feel normal again! T&P's for you! I hope you find peace about everything!

porterlove525 · April 2013

I am so sorry for your losses. Please do not feel guilty I'm sure there is nothing that you did or didn't do. You loved your babies and wanted them and are allowed to grieve as long as you need to.

I lost my first baby at 10 and a half weeks and never had an us because my first was scheduled for 12w. My OB had told me at my first appointment at 8w to continue doing everything I was for exercise and scale as needed, my diet was great and I was already taking vitamins and had stopped drinking any wine, beer or alcohol. So I continued to CrossFit 4x a week and eat my normal diet.

Once I lost the baby I was convinced that my Paleo lifestyle and super high intensity workouts and heavy lifting were the cause of my mc so once I got pg with my second I stopped working out and changed my diet back to the average American's. I didn't lift anything even remotely heavy and only walked my dog. Everything looked great in my early visits and I still miscarried again at 10w. I now proved to myself that there was absolutely nothing I did to cause my mc's and there isn't anything I really could have done to avoid them...I'm still waiting for the rest of my testing results from this mc to prove this really has been bad luck, but I'm not blaming myself for anything.

Please do not beat yourself up, you have been a great mom to your babies.

LittleMrsAC · April 2013

Thank you for your sweet words and for calling me a mom. I can't tell you how much it breaks my heart to hear people tell me "oh you don't know, you've never been a mom".

And I'm just an emotional basket tonight. and in that short time from my post to now, my DH just told me that we aren't ttc (though I'm pretty sure there was an attempt yesterday) and that we are just "preparing to ttc" by saving money so now I feel like I've had my hope taken away again. I just want to throw my hands up, cry and just sleep and not face anything right now. I wish this wasn't so hard.

I wish this wasn't so hard for all of us.

LittleMrsAC · April 2013

...and yes I realize that the chances of me getting pg right now are next to nothing, but it was the hope that made it ok...

nolalove610 · April 2013

LittleMrsAC:
...and yes I realize that the chances of me getting pg right now are next to nothing, but it was the hope that made it ok...nbsp;nbsp;

Actually....the doctor who handled my miscarriage in the ER yesterday told me for the first 3 months post miscarriage, you're extremely fertile. BUT, she also said that you're supposed to give yourself at least 6 months to heal physically. Very contradicting, I know.

LittleMrsAC · April 2013

nolalove610:
LittleMrsAC:
...and yes I realize that the chances of me getting pg right now are next to nothing, but it was the hope that made it ok...nbsp;nbsp;
Actually....the doctor who handled my miscarriage in the ER yesterday told me for the first 3 months post miscarriage, you're extremely fertile. BUT, she also said that you're supposed to give yourself at least 6 months to heal physically. Very contradicting, I know.

interesting. I was told to wait 1 cycle then we could start trying again...but I guess that's not happening for awhile now anyways since DH changed his mind.

Serenla · April 2013

LittleMrsAC:
Thank you for your sweet words and for calling me a mom. I can't tell you how much it breaks my heart to hear people tell me "oh you don't know, you've never been a mom".

And I'm just an emotional basket tonight. and in that short time from my post to now, my DH just told me that we aren't ttc (though I'm pretty sure there was an attempt yesterday) and that we are just "preparing to ttc" by saving money so now I feel like I've had my hope taken away again. I just want to throw my hands up, cry and just sleep and not face anything right now. I wish this wasn't so hard.

I wish this wasn't so hard for all of us.

We are mothers, even for those of us who have lost our babies before they were born. No one can take that away from us. As for DH maybe give him a little time and ask again. You cannot be preparing to TTC and not be on any BC which I assume that you are not so he is just being odd I think.

I am sorry for your loss, ::hugs:: I also wish this wasn't so hard.

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