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Does he need to ask BM first?

emme022emme022 member
in Blended Families
So my SO asked me to post this here to get some opinions before he makes a decision.  SO and BM half 50/50 custody and there CO says they need to agree about extra curriculars and each pay half or if they do not agree they can still enroll LO but have to pay the whole cost themselves.  So this summer there is a dance/gymnastics class that goes on for 2 months.  It is a drop in class you don't have to sign up or anything just pay if you attend so SO was thinking of taking LO to a class or 2 during his parenting time to see if she liked it or not.  He planned to pay for it himself.  Do you think he needs to ask BM first or would it be ok since he is not signing her up for anything or commiting her during BM's time.  SO was also thinking of giving BM the info for the class since she has expressed interest in LO possibly doing dance classes, so she could take her during her time if she wanted also but he was not sure if he should since BM tends to dislike ideas/suggestions that are not her own, but he still might try anyways.  So any opinions on this?  Thanks
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Re: Does he need to ask BM first?

  • Holly_1007Holly_1007 member
    Not sure how old SD is, but I think he should bring her himself a few times and see if she likes it.  He doesn't need to ask BM first since he is paying for it and it occurs during his time.  If SD does well with it, then she can bring it up to BM (depending on age) and then DH can discuss it with her if she asks. 
                           
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  • HisChamaoleGirlHisChamaoleGirl member
    I don't see the harm in bringing it up since the CO says if she doesn't agree he can still enroll her as long as he pays. It sounds like he made up his mind to pay for it even if the BM doesn't agree to it.

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  • new+tothisnew+tothis member

    I don't think he needs to talk to her first but I think it might be nice. Just say "Hey BM I wanted to let you know I'm planning on taking SD to some drop in dance classes over the summer. If you'd like the info I'm happy to give it to you." You're not asking her to help pay for it so I don't think it's a necessity but it would be nice in the spirit of co-parenting. If she pitches a fit I'd just ignore her.

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  • emme022emme022 member
    Thanks everyone for your advice. I think he us going to let her know, just as kind of a heads up and also offer her the info if she wants it. Also the classes are in July/August and BM hasn't let SO know when she will be taking her 2 weeks if vaca so hopefully she will let him know if they will coincide. Also LO is only 2. That's why he wants to try the classes, BM has mentioned wanting to sign her up for dance and he just wants to see if she will enjoy it before committing to a year.
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  • karatechrissykaratechrissy member
    Probably doesn't need to 'ask permission', but it would be nice of him to give her the info and say 'I'm putting SD in this class when she's here. It's $XX.XX per class and is on 'Saturday's' at such and such time. I think she will have fun. So here is papers if you want to take her when you have her.'
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