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Totally made life more difficult, help

bethLenellbethLenell member
in Parenting after a Loss

So I know that I totally screwed myself over and I'm not looking forward to fixing this. Sorry I think it will be long and whinny :/

DD has never been a good sleeper and we have struggled getting her to go to bed and stay in bed since she learned to climb out of her crib at 1 1/2. She is now 2 1/2 and it takes a half hour 45 minutes to get her to nap and last night for bed it took about an hour and a half. She then woke up at about 11 and wanted to sleep in our room after about another hour of trying to get her to calm down and with her literally throwing herself around we let her. I was scared she was going to hurt herself. We have let her do this occasionally and that is where I have screwed myself. We should never have given in that first time. Now that past 3 nights have been what I just described. I am beyond exhausted. She cuddles right next to me which I love because she's normally not a cuddler but I am an awful sleeper and always have been. My husband snores and then gets up for work at about 3:30 (thankfully so far hasn't woken up my DD but always wakes me up) I know that to fix this will be very difficult we at one point had put a baby lock on the inside of her door when she had first learned to get out of her crib and after about a month and a half that finally worked. Then we moved and had some issues with her again but I attributed it to moving and we got her to stay for the most part. Then our loss happened and the first time she asked to stay in our room I just couldn't say no and my DH didn't care. 

I don't know if I can do the lock her in her room thing again it was really hard the first time and baby gates are laughable to her. I feel like such a crappy mom when she is throwing herself around in a fit and I don't want her to get hurt while we try and fix this. There is a part of me that just doesn't want to deal with it right now but I know that we need to. My belly is going to be getting bigger soon and there just won't be room in our bed. She has never fit the mold and books on parenting have never helped me. I figured I'd see what you ladies have to say. I know we are in for a struggle I just want to find the easiest struggle if that makes sense.

Thanks for reading if you did here is a pretty desert flower for your time. 

 

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Re: Totally made life more difficult, help

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    CristineCristine member
    imageBumgellica216:

    I don't have any personal experience with this [yet] because my DD is only 5 months old, but I can offer you some advice my Mother gave me. On nights that she is refusing to sleep in her bed or trying to climb into yours, can you sit with her in her room until she falls asleep? My Mom has told me many stories about how I was a terrible sleeper when I was young and I would constantly try to sleep in bed with her and my Dad. I would pretend to be scared, sick, or whatever so I could be with them. She said she broke me of this habit by refusing to let me sleep in their bed, but would sit with me in my bed and rub my back and my head until I fell asleep (don't lay in bed but just sit on the edge of the bed). I have a few memories of feeling scared and my Mom sitting with me while I fell asleep and I just remember it being the most comforting thing.  

    Hopefully that may work for you. I plan on using this if my DD gives us trouble with sleeping in her own bed. Good luck and I hope you can find something that works! 

     

    I did this with my son. I'd lay down with him and rub his back till he fell asleep. It would sometimes take a while but it was completely worth it to not have him in my bed. He eventually outgrew it and he's pretty easy to put to bed now.

    Mommy to DS#1 7/1/04 and DS#2 6/15/07
    M/C 2/16/10 at 9wks 5 days~ D&C 2/18/10
    BFP#4 5/17/11 C/P.    
    BFP#5 11/30/12 Surprise! DS#3 born 7/29/13

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    bethLenellbethLenell member
    Yes I do this already, the time I spend trying to get her to sleep is with me laying down in her bed with her or sitting on the end of it. I had been trying to move slowly out of the room but that backfired as well. The hour she was throwing herself around last night I was laying in bed with her. I suppose I could lock the door and stay in there too that would at least keep her in the room still when I'm in there. 
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    orangegogglesorangegoggles member

    I don't have personal experience yet but my cousin used to lay in bed for 15 minutes, rub back, etc. set the tone. Then moved to the ground next to the bed but didn't talk to her or anyhting. Then moved to sit in front of the door for a bit. It seemed to work for her but it took a long time those first few nights. 

    Good luck, it sounds exhausting :::hugs::: 

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    BFP #1 6.19.11 ~ EDD 2.23.12 ~ CP on 6.22.11
    BFP #2 7.23.11 ~ EDD 3.28.12 ~ MC on 8.16.11
    BFP #3 11.17.11~ EDD 7.31.12 ~ MC on 1.18.12
    BFP #4 4.12.12 ~ EDD 12.25.12~ Born on 12.26.12
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    bethLenellbethLenell member
    Thanks ladies! I'll talk to DH tonight and see what method he wants to try and we'll just stick with it until it works. I appreciate you all taking the time to answer. :)
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