It's about sex. Don't say I didn't warn you guys
Okay, so I have about 5 weeks left until #2 is born. DH and I haven't had sex in over two months. For real. And it is mainly because I just don't want to. We have an 18 month old son and between him and now feeling like a whale that is on the verge of exploding, I just don't want to. Well... there are some other issues there. Like the fact DH started sexually abusing me two and a half weeks after I had DS (had stitches still and everything) and I sort of put up with it for almost a year... then I started telling people what was going on. I had been on the verge of jumping out the window or something crazy just from hiding it for so long. We went to counseling for an intro session before Thanksgiving and haven't been back since. Side note: I even cancelled the wedding we were supposed to have in the Catholic Church in August... the day of... because I was contemplating divorce so much at the time and it would have been a pain in the butt getting an annulment.
Needless to say, DH has been pushing the whole sex topic lately because he knows it will be at least 6 weeks after DD is born that he won't get any. He is getting to the point where he wants to explode with frustration.
I'm not quite sure what to do. I have tried telling him over and over that I just haven't seen him put much effort into repairing our marriage and the damage that was done, that we need to go to counseling together, etc. At this point, I feel like our marriage is purely financial. He has been working an insane amount for a really long time and hardly spends time with me. The last "date" we had was going to the counselor and having dinner afterwards for my bday... he kept calling work to see if they needed him to come in. Guess how that made me feel?
So basically I've been at the end of my rope for awhile and am just at a loss of what to do right now. I even told one of my best friends I just didn't see myself staying with DH through the end of this year... it sounds so harsh and cold, but I just feel like there is hardly anything left between us, except being parents.
I need some honest guy advice. You know the kind that might come out sounding absolutely terrible? I am just tired of asking women about this because they are so judgmental most of the time (sshhh... don't tell any women I said that). Most of my life I have been surrounded by guy friends (maybe I was a bit of a flirt), so it has been incredibly difficult for me to back away from them what with being married now
How do I get it through my DH's head that I do NOT want to have sex with him, quite possibly never again? How do I get him to understand that he can either face what he has done head on and make counseling happen and actually put some effort into fixing our marriage, otherwise he might be on his own soon, paying child support? Would it be low of me to get a lawyer at this point? Is it possible to get court ordered counseling in a situation like this? I just need some straight, to the point answers!