Newbie Question

kristynlee710 · April 2013

Hi everyone!

I'm new to this as this is our first pregnancy, I'm 6 weeks.

We have only shared our news with our parents who are thankfully supportive and a handful of close friends. My friends have also been very happy and supportive however two of my wife's friends have not been as happy or excited as my wife had hoped which has really hurt her feelings. On top of that, her one friend who doesn't even have kids wants to already add her two cents about parenting! It infuriates me and I don't want to be around negativity during my pregnancy. Any advice on how I handle nay sayers politely without rocking the boat too much?

2moms2b · April 2013

This is a tough situation and I am so sorry you are dealing with it. What I have found is not everyone is always excited about pregnancy. It sucks when others don't share your joy. Honestly when people aren't very excited it is for a variety of reasons which can be they are worried your partner will change and not be around as much, they are struggling with pregnancy or infertility, or they just aren't enthusiastic about children and the list goes on etc. If your wife is close enough to them she might be able to sit down and have an honest conversation with them.

During the course of our pregnancy, our friendships changed. Some got a lot stronger and some just kinda faded. It's always hard to loose a friend or feel like your friendship isn't as strong but just remember this is one of the happiest times in your life so surround yourself with those that are excited and want to celebrate with you. That doesn't mean you push others away, but invite them, share news with them and let them make of it what they wish. Then focus on the friendships that are supportive. There is enough stress in pregnancy so don't let others bring you down.

As far as parenting advice, everyone has some. My best advise is to smile, say thank you then go home and do as you please. That is our motto. Random strangers love to offer us advise on the twins and some people have clearly been smoking something. I just smile, say thank you and go home and do it my way. I have also learned not to share our parenting philosophies with anyone. This only invites criticism or advice. People will also ask questions that are highly private such as breast feeding. I just reply to these that we will do what is best for our family. Just remember this is your family so just be polite then do it your way. A good read for you.

https://www.renegademothering.com/2013/02/21/is-lost-a-parenting-approach/

Just remember, this time is about you, your wife and your family. You get a fresh start, per say, so choose those that will go with you on this new journey and uplift you when it gets hard and cheer with you when its happy.

Crensci · April 2013

I know exactly how you feel, but the bad news is that you're never going to get away from the negativity, there's always something that dims your joy slightly. I think the best thing you can do is thank them for their opinion if the situation requires, otherwise just take what they say with a grain of salt and then forget it.

Everyone is going to have an opinion on how your pregnancy should go or how you should raise your child, but you know what? They aren't the ones doing it, you are, so don't worry about what they think and just do what is right for you. It'll get easier

GL!

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