XP: Where to begin?

QuigleyCat1 · April 2013

Thank you will NEVER be enough. It's so hard to comprehend everything that you all did for me and my family tonight. DH knows about my participation on The Bump boards but never knew the extent until tonight when I showed him what you all have done for us. He was in absolute awe and so very grateful. The tears in his eyes were reflective of all your lit candles and kind words and prayers. Many of your DH/ SO also said such lovely things which just goes to show that, while in a bit of a different way, they feel this pain too.

I will be writing many of your words, poems and prayers into my journal that I've kept since learning of this pregnancy. Each and every single post was read and appreciated beyond explanation. Truly amazed by you women. Completely.

The remainder of my last day with Liam:

After three hours of meds for dilation I was called back. The nurse began an IV and roughly a half hour later I was taken to the procedure room. I was given IV sedation (twilight) and was very quickly "not aware". I felt no pain and remember absolutely nothing during the procedure. Thank goodness. I just remember before going under that I said hello to the doctor and that I wish I didn't have to let him go because we love him so very much. Then I looked at the nurse and said, "His name is Liam". That's the last thing I remember before waking up in recovery. I did get sick one time but it wasn't bad. Ive had pretty minimal bleeding so far. I slept for awhile there, although I have no idea how long. I got Liam's tiny little footprints and hand prints...they are perfect.

*sensitive*

I did go to see him. I told them that I'd like to see his little hands and feet if possible. I believe that someone prepared him for that. When I walked in I saw a glass dish with a tiny paper towel. I could see his hands and feet where they would be. And although I never touched the paper towel, I knew there was nothing else below it. And that is ok. I knew that would most likely be the case. But those hands and feet were so beautiful. I first touched his feet so tiny and frail but I know he is strong now. Then I touched his tiny little hands and fingers...hands and fingers that will always hold a piece of my heart. I will never regret the decision to see him, ever. I said some things to him that I hope he could hear from Heaven. DH was very worried about me seeing Liam. I reassured him its what I needed and he understood, just as I understood his decision not to view him. I will never question him as that was his decision to only picture Liam in his mind. I think that is just as beautiful. Later at home DH wanted to see the hand and footprints and was in awe and in love. We will always treasure them. I hope to someday soon use them to have imprinted onto a piece of jewelry.

This may be my last post just for a bit. I don't think it's all really hit me yet and I'm sure the next few days at the least will be tough. I know I'll be back just not quite sure when, and when I do most of my time will be spent on PAL and TTCAL. Although there's a very high chance that we will no longer be trying I think we need to give ourselves some time before closing that door completely.

Please accept my thanks and love for all that you've done for me, DH, DS and our angel...Liam.

[Deleted User] · April 2013

The user and all related content has been deleted.

hungryhippo · April 2013

MrsErinH:
Oh QC, there are just no words...please know that I am praying for you and your family. I know that your angel Liam is watching over you from Heaven with no pain or suffering. Thank you for having the courage to share your story with us. None of us will ever forget Liam. You are an incredibly strong and amazing mother. Huge huge hugs.

I don't think I can find any better words that Erin didnt already say. Hugs, hugs, hugs, hugs, hugs.

mightymousy · April 2013

Oh quigley *hugs* there are no words. My thoughts and prays and most certainly with you and your family. I wish I could have been here today to join in the support (was on the road). The women here never cease to amaze me. I'm so sorry you had to say goodbye *hugs*

NBBride05 · April 2013

stlucia_wife:
The tears are flowing. Thank you for sharing everything you have of your beautiful Liam. Liam has heard every little thing and will hear every little thing forever. Take all the time you need. Please know we will always be here for you. So much love and so many hugs.

This exactly. I could not have said it better myself. You have so much love from so many people to help you in the healing process.

nbcarlson · April 2013

Just so much love Quig. I am just so sorry and just know that all of our angel babies met Liam in heaven and he will never be alone. He is so blessed to have you and your dh as his parents. You will always be in my prayers dear.

JellyTwoPointO · April 2013

Baby Liam will always be loved and remembered. May grace and peace and the preciousness of you son carry you.

amberpro · April 2013

Thank you for finding the strength to share Liam with us. You have created such a legacy for him. He knows every ounce of love you have for him. I send prayers of peace and comfort to your family.

GavinRonansMom · April 2013

Quigley,

I have no words that I know can comfort you during this truly heart wrenching time. Please know that I (and us all) am here for you. I truly believe that my Noah was there to greet Liam as he entered the gates of heaven and are now playing together free of pain. We will be forever connected on earth even though we will never meet, because our boys are together in heaven.

With all my love and strength....

egsquared · April 2013

Oh Quig, thank you so much for sharing your journey with Liam. You have walked through it all with such strength and grace. Liam is so blessed to have you as his mommy, and now he will be watching over you.

I wish you continued strength and peace in the days and months to come. Many prayers, hugs and love. xoxo

jenohouston · April 2013

Quig, I want to wish you continued peace and strength. I continue to pray for you and your family and think of you all daily. Much love and hugs

aessary03 · April 2013

I can't stop crying. What an incredibly sad and beautiful story you have to tell. I'm glad you got to do everything you wanted to do. Take extra good care of yourself. Prayers for you and your family.

cdnbird11 · April 2013

I've been thinking about you and your family all weekend. I can't quite express how I feel in my heart, but huge hugs are coming your way from me and DH.

KacyChicago · April 2013

Although it's been through complete sadness, your journey has still been filled with such beauty. I will forever be heartbroken for you Quigley ... But I will always remember Liam.

Smash2009 · April 2013

I wish I had the words to explain how amazing I think you are, Quig. So much love and so many prayers for you, your sweet Liam and entire family. The biggest of HUGS, sweetheart.

GraceInCA · April 2013

I am in awe of your strength and your dignity. Lots of love to your family.

Millivanilli · April 2013

I am so sorry for your loss. You and your husband sound like incredible people, and your little boy does, too. I hope you find peace and that you feel the love of a new little angel who watches over you.