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Baby Showers
Barbara83
member
FIL at shower with 1 yr old baby
Barbara83
member
in Baby Showers
I'm having an all female shower except for my DH. My FIL was not invited but since his wife doesn't drive he is bringing her down and told my DH he plans on staying. I'm not a big fan of him in general, he and his wife fight constantly and are always making arrogant comments, and I know they are going to be bringing their 1 year old son too because they bring him everywhere and won't use a sitter. The shower is at my parents house which is not baby proof. I don't really want him or the baby there. I told my DH this and he didn't want to tell his father he can't come. I feel the same way that we cant gell him not to come but am afraid of the drama he'll cause. Any suggestions?
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Re: FIL at shower with 1 yr old baby
This.
This. Maybe you could suggest some parks or something kid-friendly nearby he could go with the 1 yr old while the shower is going on.
Tell DH to man up and have the conversation or skip the shower to take FIL and the baby somewhere during the shower.
This. DH told my FIL the shower getting thrown for me was women only, no biggie.
Are yo saying that now that he knows it is women only he won't come or are you saying that after being told it is women only he is no biggie to him and he is still coming.
If it is the second one: you need to have your hostess (I am guessing it is your mom) call your MIL and let her know that she understand that she needs a ride to the shower and that ride would be your FIL but he is not going to be staying at the shower so he might want to find something to do duirng the shower. I kind of get the impression your DH plans to be at the shower? If not then he and his dad can go somewhere that is entertaining to the little one. Do they live so far away that he can't come back in a couple of hours and pick up his wife? Could your DH pick her up and then take her home after the shower is over. I think it is ridiculous that your FIL is insisting on going to the shower...he is a grown man I'm assuming (since he is your DH's father). Right?
I'm still not sure if your post was directed at me or OP. I feel like I am reading something wrong.
ETA: I think I'm reading it wrong.
I'm side eyeing the not driving and having a one year old child bit. My sister's SIL never learned to drive and it was seriously the most selfish thing ever, it was a way to control her husband by intentionally being completely dependent on him. Unless this lady has a disability that prevents her from driving, it just seems selfish to me.
I was ok with the FIL driving the MIL when I pictured them as older and or infirm, my Papa does all the driving at my Gram's request, but they're in their 80's! If these people are mobile enough to procreate, I have a hard time comprehending why this woman is unable to drive herself.
I know there are legitimate reasons, I used the term "disability" to cover a variety of mental/physical issues that might prevent someone from driving. If you've got access to public transportation it's absolutely logical to go without one. When I was an RA in college I let one of my residents practice driving my car out in one of the big lots; she grew up in the Lincoln Park area of Chicago and had the CTA at her disposal, so there was no reason for her to have a license. That was NOT the case for my sister's SIL.
We/she lives on the cusp of the Chicago suburbs and the surrounding farmland, if you don't have a car you will have to walk about 3-5 miles before you hit a road big enough for public transportation to take you around the suburbs. There's no way to do grocery shopping, take kids to medical appointments (or school) or do anything but stay at home all day waiting for your husband to get home. Which is what she did. It was a passive-aggressive attempt to be in-charge of her husband's time away from work, (and it ultimately drove them apart.)
Like I said, if you live in a metropolitan area with good access to public transport, or have a medical condition that prohibits you from being behind the wheel, I completely understand not having a license. But I don't think that's the case for most people, and when I'm picturing this FIL with his younger trophy wife, I have a hard time believing that's the case with her. I'm curious if the OP has more to share re: her "needing" the FIL to drive her to the party. (Though again, this is all just curiosity, not really related to the OP's issue.)
This.
haha I think so too.
Not related to the baby shower post...but not learning how to drive when you CAN is ridiculous. Just my opinion.
I'm also curious how old the MIL and FIL are, lol.
This
Jackson...yes...I thought you were the OP posting. Sorry for my confusion. I just now am getting back to this board.
In regards to the "not driving" thing: my mom always drove and when she was in her 40's she got in a bad accident and refused to drive again (even though the cars are even easier to drive now...and I tell her that all the time). My Dad always drove her places and eventually us kids did. I can remember her complaining she couldn't go here or there (my dad worked afternoons) I would tell her that when I was able to drive we would go everywhere. Well, once I started driving we did go a lot and seriously it got to be a PITA. I can imagine that eventually some husbands feel this way eventually. It just gets "old". Another issue...we lived in the country...I was unble to participate in a LOT of after school activities because I had no way to get home. People didn't want to drive 3-5 miles out of their way to take me home (and I can't blame them). My school was 7 miles from my home so there was no way I would have been allowed to walk home. I guess I do see it as being kind of selfish if there is no mental or physical handicap someone has not to learn how to drive and get a license. Every time you ask someone else to take you somewhere you are putting THEM in a disposition. You certainly inconvenience other people. It is one thing to inconvenience your DH but what happens if you don't have public transit, DH is ill or just unable to drive you and your LO somewhere and you HAVE to get somewhere. Like your child is injured (but not to the point of calling 911) or something else comes up. You need to pick them up at school because they are sick, etc. JMO
I suppose if you like city life then it would be an inconvenience to have a vehicle especially since you'd need a place to park it (and most likely then not you would have to pay for a parking space). I grew up on 20 acres and actually most of our neighbors had even more than that (up to 500 or more acres). I couldn't imagine living so close to someone that I would actually be sharing a wall. To me there is no privacy there.
For those that live in the city and have no vehicle...what do you do if you need to go out of the city (to a wedding, party, funeral, etc)? I mean...taxi cabs are expensive. What about shopping. I've shopped in the city and those stores are much more expensive then in the burbs. I love the malls...one stop shopping.
Also for those that don't drive (or have a license) and your DH drives you...what would happen if your DH is not available when you DO have to go somewhere outside the city? Or what would happen if your DH becomes incapacitated (heaven forbid).
The one time my non-driving mom (because of fear after her accident) did drive was when my brother decided to use a table saw on his thumb! Back then it was faster to drive him to the hospital then to call an ambulance. She just hopped in the car (no license) and drove him to the hospital!
Completely agree with this. If he refuses, have your husband offer to go get his mom and take her home.