I want to know what's wrong with
me...if anything.
I'm 16 weeks pregnant with my first child.
I work full time as a pharmacy technician at a long-term care facility (nursing home). I'd consider my job somewhat demanding. I'm on my feet most of the day, walking on concrete floors, around sick residents, running around the pharmacy, running to and from different floors of the building, lifting things 15+ pounds, we're understaffed and overworked.
Prior to becoming pregnant I was diagnosed with anemia, so I take an iron supplement.
Prior to becoming pregnant I've suffered with migraines, but they were controlled with Imitrex.
As long as I can remember I've had emetophobia (the phobia of feeling nauseous and vomiting).
Since I was 13ish I've struggled with anxiety and depression. I've been on medication (Lexapro, Effexor, Celexa, ect.) since I've been about 15. My depression has been fairly well controlled with medication. When my husband and I decided to start trying to get pregnant I tried to go off of my curent anti-depressant, Celexa, because I didn't want to have to take any medication while I was pregnant, just my vitamins. After 2 days of being off the Celexa I feel into a very deep depression where I didn't get out of bed for 2 days and just cried all day. My anxiety was very heightened as well. My phyciatrist said the benefits out-weigh the risks of being on anti-depressants while pregnant for me. I was put back on the Celexa (40mg once daily) for about a month and a half and I was feeling better but still pretty depressed so he decided to try me on Prozac (20mg once daily). I liked the Prozac better than the Celexa, I felt better on it. About a month after switching to the Prozac I finally got pregnant (thanks to my second round of Clomid, I wasn't ovulating). About a month into the pregnancy my psychiatrist suggested bumping my Prozac dose up to 30mg because my anxiety was pretty bad, mainly due to being in the first trimester of pregnancy, dealing with all day nausea and being utterly terrified of vomiting. He also gave me some Visteral to take as needed for severe anxiety/panic attacks. Again he said the benefits of taking the medication as I needed it out-weighed the risks. I also began to see a counselor to work on my anxiety and phobia.
Here's where I'm at now...I'm in my second trimester, I'm still feeling nauseous (I still need to take a Zofran about once daily), quite depressed, I'm completely exhausted, I've lost 15 pounds, my stomach hurts most of the time, my back hurts a lot, I have constant headaches that turn into migraines 50 percent of the time. I've ended up in the ER a few times because I couldn't stand the head pain anymore. I'm eating about ? of what I was eating prior to being pregnant. I can manage to drink maybe 1-2 pints of water daily. I've missed about 14 full days of work, and worked about 10 ? days in the past 2 months. Everyday waking up in the morning, getting out of bed, trying to get ready for work, it's a huge challenge. It takes so much out of me to just try and get to work I'm usually falling asleep while driving to work or while at work. When I get home I go right to bed. On days I have off or can't manage to get to work I sleep most of the day.
I've voiced all this to by OB and it didn't seem to matter to him at all. He said pregnancy is harder for some women than it is others. He gave me no reassurance at all. I inquired about when I may be able to take my leave from work and he then said he wanted me to work until I go into labor. I left the office in tears. I've been going to this OB/GYN since I was young and I've always trusted him and I've always wanted him to take care of me while I was pregnant...but I can't even begin to describe how he made me feel at that last visit. He made me feel I was being weak, complaining too much, not a capable woman. I've already been pretty low and he crushed me at that visit. I did write him a letter a week ago. I expressed to him how he made me feel at our last visit and how I've always wanted him to take care of me while I was pregnant. I mentioned I was thinking about going to a different OB and seeing if they treated my situation the same way. I asked him to have the office call me to set up an appointment to talk...I haven't gotten a call.
I don't know exactly why I'm posting this novel...I guess I'd just like to hear what other people have to say about my situation and what they'd do if they were me. I'm really doubting myself. I'm Feeling getting pregnant was the biggest mistake of my life because I'm not a strong enough person to endure it. I don't know what I should do. Is there something wrong with me, physically, mentally, emotionally? I honestly don't feel I'll survive the next 24 months. I have no idea what to do.
Re: I need help. *Long, read if you dare*
I'm sorry you are going through this rough time. First, change OB's. You need one that will listen to ALL of your concerns, especially about mental health. Research who is in your network and see if you can find reviews. Definitely don't stay with an OB that doesn't meet your needs.
Do you have a mental health professional that you see? If you don't I would strongly urge you to consider going to one. You need the help and it will help you feel like you have the support you crave.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
I agree with this. You are having a hard time and I don't think an OB is the right person to voice these concerns to.
So I am going to play devil?s advocate. It sounds like you?re solely basing your emotions on the actions of your OB (i.e. another person). IMO, and through years of my own therapy, I?ve learned that I am responsible for my own feelings and behaviors. I can?t base my behavior and reactions on the actions of other people. Your doctor will act how he/she will (whether good, bad or indifferent) but your emotions are your own responsibility. You can feel hurt, and you can feel disappointed? this is fine, but you have to take responsibility for your actions in the situation as well. Yes, your OB didn?t understand or listen during your appointment but are you 100% sure that you communicated clearly and effectively? Even if the communication was lost once sometimes you have to try communicating again, sometimes it takes two attempts to get the message across. Writing a letter was a great attempt to get the message across but this might have been too late, after a week an office sees hundreds of people so he might not have remembered your exact scenario, especially if you left the office under the fa?ade that everything was copacetic.
It also sounds like your basing your emotions on other inanimate objects (the pregnancy, your diagnosis(es), work, etc.) I come from a place of compassion because I was like this as well. I would get upset during college because of my class schedule, a professor, other group members but I had to learn real quick that my emotions and behavior could not be dependent in any way on outside stimuli (other people, other things, etc.) These things are not within your control and, again, you shouldn?t base your emotions off of them.
Here?s my first suggestion, talk to your counselor about it. Second DO NOT SWITCH OB?s. This is a great opportunity for you to work through a very tough lesson. With a mix of communication, mindfulness and openness you should be able to work with your OB to get the treatment and service you need. If you feel like he isn?t meeting your needs TALK RIGHT THEN about it. I think it is worth saving the relationship you?ve already built with him and his office. (unless you can find an OB that is also a mind-reader I would make sure the communication is solid).
What you?re going through is tough and real, and you need help and for people to understand. I think if you start with getting your treatment correct with your OB then I think work will fall in line as well.
Note: I worked for a medical office for about 3 years while attending college, often letters (that aren?t bills or checks) do not make it to the right people. Misc. mail would often go to the office manager, or the front desk receptionist and sometimes wouldn?t get to the doctor. Not because we weren?t organized or because of any malicious activity but just because we didn?t receive mail like that often. So I would harp on the fact that the office hasn?t gotten back to you. I would mention it directly to the OB asking if he has received your letter or if it is in your file. If he looks puzzled or says no, then I would let it go and recap your concerns. Mistakes happen.While I agree with PP that you are in charge of your own emotions (it's Cognitive Behavioural Therapy 101), your OB did not not validate any of your concerns, nor did he seem to take you seriously. You are dealing with some very real mental and emotional problems on top of the "normal" pregnancy discomforts. I would talk to your therapist about this for sure and I would probably switch OBs too. You could be a candidate to go off of short term disability before your maternity leave (depending on the rules where you live), but you need a medical doctor to be in support of it. You OB does not sound very supportive.
GL, you're dealing with alot and it sounds like you're doing all the right things to take care of yourself.
D&C: 03/08/12 Waited for AF for 146 long days!
Hysteroscopy/D&C on July 10th to fix blocked cervix (DX: Cervical Stenosis)
BFP #2 12/8/12, EDD 08/21/13 Our rainbow arrived 08/24/13!
So if I hear Karen correctly she is advising to abandon the OB you?ve had for years because of one appointment where there was a miscommunication? Miscommunication at best. I mean I guess if that?s the route that sounds best, go for it, but in your state the time it will take to get a new OB up to speed versus the time it will take to repair and communicate with the OB you?ve been seeing for years seems like a no brainer. OB?s are people too, he could have not received your message, he could have had an un-supportive day, he could have been up all night with another laboring mother-to-be, and these are all very routine circumstances when you work with people.
I would start a good old pro/con list.
Switching OB?s:
Pro- Instant gratification
Pro- ??you?ve taught him?
Con- Spending the next couple weeks bringing the ?newer? OB up to speed
Con- This OB could be the same or worse (especially if the communication hasn?t improved on your end)
SpeedyMarie I agree with you totally.
kgrytness: You really need to calm down, sparky.
This other poster sounds kind of loopy and off the mark. If the OP is really having these issues (and I believe she is) then she needs to seek out an OB that meets her needs. This other poster kind of sounds like she thinks OP is being melodramatic and is being really judgmental and pushy. The OP's needs are not being met and therefore she needs to find a practice that works for her. There is nothing about instant gratification in there at all. I think kgrytness's advice is highly suspect. I wouldn't listen to it, OP. You have do what you feel is right.
Also, WhoTF is Karen?!
edit: oh PKaren, sorry! I totally managed to skip your post. I'm sorry!
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Hi RMarie88,
First off, let me just say how sorry I am that you are going through such a difficult time. Judging by your story, I would suggest getting a new OB. He or she sounds like a jerk! You should look for a doctor who answers all of your questions, and someone who doesn't make you feel like you're being annoying and incapable. What you are feeling (about the pregnancy) is completely normal. I am a Behavioral Specialist, and I work with emotionally unstable people all day. Having depression can be REALLY tough. In fact, your depression can even worsen upon conceiving. I do not have depression, but I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder. When I found out I was pregnant, I wasn't sure how to handle the news, even though my husband and I were TTC. Because I am a natural worry-wart, every single "What-If" popped up in my head. I am now 16 weeks pregnant, and dealing with the pregnancy just fine. In fact, I am happy and excited about it. It took a lot of time for me to feel relaxed about the pregnancy. As a Behavioral Specialist, I can tell you that the best thing to do is to think positive. I know, I know.... it sounds silly! You will be surprised how much positive influence can affect your overall behavior. Instead of thinking, for instance, "My OB made me feel incapable, upset and crushed" you should think "My OB was not helpful, and made me feel bad, but I am not going to let this affect me. Instead, I am going to look for a new OB- one who I will feel comfortable with."
Also, it is very important that you do not belittle yourself by saying that you cannot endure this pregnancy, and you are not strong enough. Remember, if you think it, you will believe it! Think of this pregnancy as a new and exciting journey. Everything you will experience, from the ultrasounds to feeling your baby's movements, will be the first time you've experienced this ever!! If you have a good support system, such as your husband, family and friends, turn to them when you feel anxious. Behavioral Specialist or not, I still turn to my support system when I feel scared! I'm only human, and so are you!
The last thing I would advise is exercising to help with your depression and anxiety. I have taken Lexapro years ago, and felt that it did not help me with my anxiety. Because of this, I turned to natural remedies: exercising and eating healthy, and I swear that it helps with my anxiety. Do exercises such as walking and swimming. When you get home, take a nice warm bath (not a hot one, as this is not good for baby) to ease your anxiety. Scents such as lavender and vanilla help to calm, so use lavender or vanilla body wash to help relax you.
I'm sorry this is long! I hope this helped! Just remember, there's nothing wrong with you! Good luck with everything!!
PS, I agree. Write a list of pros and cons before deciding on whether or not to choose a new OB.
You?re totally right, take a break from life lessons. I am so glad I?ve calmed down. I feel much better.
Because sleepless nights, young children and life in general will totally wait because things are tough right now.
My theory is that things will only get tougher in the next 18 years and any opportunity to improve communication should be taken full advantage of. Also any opportunity to act like an adult? IMO the ROI (in yourself) will greatly pay off when you will look back on things in 20 years?
That's not what SpeedyMarie was saying...

Its obvious there is no use arguing with someone who refuses to see anyone else's viewpoint on the subject. So, yeah, suffice it to say that you seem to be adept at missing the entire point of the OP's plea for immediate help. Getting through the next couple months should be a priority over 20 years down the road. Especially someone suffering from acute, debilitating depression. Have some compassion please and worry less about pushing your apparent agenda on the OP.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
First off...
I went off Zoloft, which I had been on for 15 years, when TTC #1. I hit rock bottom, I didn't get out of bed for days at a time. I understand. I was put back on it in 2nd tri because the benefits definitely outweigh the risks. So, if being on the meds is adding to your anxiety in any way, put that out of your head. You are doing the right thing.
As for your OB, is he a solo practitioner or are there a few Drs in his office? If it's a multi Dr office, you should try and make an appointment with someone else in the office, see if they will help address your issues. Your Dr should be there to support you, not blow off your concerns.
I would definitely see a psycologist regularly, not just the psychiatrist who is handliing your meds. The more you talk about your fears, the better. What really used to work for me was just writing everything down. I would always feel much better when all of my thoughts and anxieties weren't swirling around my head. It's easier to move forward once you get the ideas out. Get yourself a journal. I know it seems silly and simple, but it really did help me a lot.
You realize that these are not inanimate objects, right? An inanimate object is a box of Kleenex, a teddy bear, etc. Her emotions are coming from very real, daily life things. These are the types of things that DO affect your emotions and how you live. These aren't things she can escape, her pregnancy, work, diagnoses... these things are a part of her. If they didn't effect her, well, I think that would make her a sociopath.
You, in effect, are pretty much telling her to just get over it. You are being just as compassionate as her OB, which is the last thing she needs. Needing support is not a bad thing and seeking out the correct people who will give it to you does not make you weak or mean that you won't be able to handle other real life scenarios. I believe it makes you smart. Everyone needs a support system in order to deal with everything life throws at you, no one should have to go through life feeling alone. Yes, you are in charge of your own emotions, but that doesn't mean you should feel unsupported or as though you are wrong for feeling a certain way. You need back-up. You need people who are on your side, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
I don't see how you can so assuredly say that there's been a 'miscommunication' here. All you have to go by is the OP's word on what she said and what the doctor said. This woman very clearly sounds like someone who is in crisis. Any doctor who does not make a legitimate attempt to address her very real concerns is not worth much, IMHO. I do not at all get from her post that she is looking to 'show him' or get any instant gratification. I think she's looking for relief from the number of significant issues she is facing, in any way she can get it.
God, I love you. I love you to the end. You are spot on and that poster is starting to irritate me. Liz, you hit the nail on the head and I am disgusted that this other poster is essentially looking to shame the OP about her feelings and make her feel like a less capable human being because she is reaching out. That is so gross.
Kudos to you for wording your thoughts so clearly. I agree with you one thousand percent and more. OP, reach out and keep reaching out until you find the help you need. There is no shame and you are not a weak person for asking for help.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Thank you Prim, I love you, too! As someone who reverts into herself and hides from everyone and everything
when she is depressed, I know exactly how important it is to have people there for you and not try and do it on your own.
On a totally different topic, I would like to point out to anyone reading this thread who claims the "regulars" are unsupportive bushes... I think this thread is a prime example of how supportive people on TB are when someone has a real problem, whether they have 1 or 1,000 plus posts.