Super Vent. Avert Thine Eyes.

Ms.Jade · April 2013

Looking at the ASQ for 18 months, E isn't too far along in the problem solving section. She doesn't create tools and things like that. My goal was to make our tiny house 100% E friendly so I babyproofed the hell out of is so that she can wander around with no supervision and not get into anything. Her toys and fun household things (whisks, wooden spoons etc.) are in baskets and completely accessible. Things we don't want her to have are out of reach and mostly out of sight. And because she can talk so well she just asks for what she wants - no need to get creative and try to get them. But now I worry that she's not as good at problem solving because I've made her world too accessible. WDYT?

And can I just say how much it sucks that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't in so many instances. I swear just when I think I'm doing the right thing I find out there's another side to it. For example, my nephew had what I consider to be a crappy toddlerhood. His parents split up when he was almost a year old and they passed him back and forth including the two grandparents houses nearly every day. He had no stability and never knew where he would be sleeping from day to day. Needless to say he was a trooper and would just go with the flow sleeping whenever, wherever. My sister criticized me the other day because E only sleeps in her crib. She thinks I've made her too dependent on being in her room, with her bedtime routine, and in her bed and that I should haul around her pack n play and put her to bed wherever I happen to be at nap time.

My mom said some similar sh!t. I have worked really hard to get where I am in my career so that I can make my own schedule. I planned for E and didn't have her until we were in this situation that I can stay home with her most days. We went to breakfast at iHOP (also known as House of Screaming Children) the other day and E was wide eyed at all of the squaling, syrup throwing going on at the next table. My mom surmised that she needs to get out more and that by not having her in daycare I've made her too sensitive. Well *** me. How dare I give her a calm life!

Ok. Vent over. Thanks for reading this

Nita2603 · April 2013

Yeah, how dare you giving your kid the feeling that her crib is the right and safe place to go to sleep? What were you thinking?

Sweetie, you are doing great. Don't let the haters get to you.
Is it inconvenient that she only sleeps in her crib? Yes, for now. But then again it
Means you created a really perfect spot for her. And really, it won't matter in a few years.
We are in the same position for both boys and that is ok with me. While it may suck a bit for the next little while, it won't last forever. We can travel and have sleepovers later.

As for the problem solving...I am sure that will come. Not everybody is a born handyman. She may need time. She is really advanced in speech, that may mean other things develope slower. Don't worry about it.

Big hugs to you. You are doing great.

[Deleted User] · April 2013

The way I see it, kids are resilient. For the most part, they adapt to whatever world we give them. And we can really only make one type of world. It's just the nature of the beast.

Giving her a routine, calm world isn't going to make her a fussy, non-adaptive adult. Our personalities aren't determined by how our toddler world was structured. Reason does kick in at some point. It's not like she'll never be able to sleep in a hotel room because she sleeps every night in her crib now.

Ms.Jade · April 2013

Thanks for these words of encouragement. And you reminded me of travel. She did fine in our hotel last month. I'd forgotten about that!

thetheisens · April 2013

I basically ignore any and all unsolicited parenting advice. Because I don't give a fluck. If I need help I will ask and then advice can be given, until then I don't care what others think I should be doing as a parent. You are doing a great job. Your baby sleeps and is calm in public. I don't see a problem, maybe your sister is jealous. As for problem solving, isn't she solving the problem of getting something she wants by learning to ask for it?

Nita2603 · April 2013

thetheisens:
I basically ignore any and all unsolicited parenting advice. Because I don't give a fluck. If I need help I will ask and then advice can be given, until then I don't care what others think I should be doing as a parent. You are doing a great job. Your baby sleeps and is calm in public. I don't see a problem, maybe your sister is jealous. As for problem solving, isn't she solving the problem of getting something she wants by learning to ask for it?

All of this.

Fianschneid · April 2013

You are an amazing mom who has given E the gift of stability and, like you've said, this was, "by deign" ( love that). Not to mention, you're a lady who has the manners not to talk smack about someone's parenting skills in front of them.

Hold your head up high and be proud.

cantalopes24 · April 2013

You can buy puzzles and those lacing cards and other toys to work on problem solving skills. I'm a big believer in nature and nurture not one or the other. IMO your giving her a safe place is giving her the confidence that when she eventually develops those skills she will be able to use them. I find this video helpful whenever I start worrying about milestones, for the majority of people even if they dont hit everything right on schedule they get there eventually. Plus I PPH Jon Lajoie.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fAWvvE9w6Po

DoctorWorm222 · April 2013

Insert "haters gonna hate" gif here please.

missyishere · April 2013

overture:
The way I see it, kids are resilient. For the most part, they adapt to whatever world we give them. And we can really only make one type of world. It's just the nature of the beast.
Giving her a routine, calm world isn't going to make her a fussy, non-adaptive adult. Our personalities aren't determined by how our toddler world was structured. Reason does kick in at some point. It's not like she'll never be able to sleep in a hotel room because she sleeps every night in her crib now.

Truth. N was a nightmare to get into a routine. This girl hated napping or going down to bed for a good 8 months. Just about the time I thought we were in a good place, we went on vacation. She was horrible the whole time, so I had to start all over again once we got home. I was so worried the next time we traveled that she would be just as horrible, because I was a stickler for routine with our prior issues. She did amazingly well sleeping in her PNP or anywhere we placed her, despite not being in her own crib. Bottom line is, don't be a super worry wart like me and take peoples' eye roll worthy, unsolicited advice with a grain of salt. Or just tell them to shove it.

Ms.Jade · April 2013

Fianschneid:
You are an amazing mom who has given E the gift of stability and, like you've said, this was, "by design" ( love that). Not to mention, you're a lady who has the manners not to talk smack about someone's parenting skills in front of them.
Hold your head up high and be proud.

LOL. I needed that!

Thanks everyone!

Ms.Jade · April 2013

Fianschneid:
You are an amazing mom who has given E the gift of stability and, like you've said, this was, "by design" ( love that). Not to mention, you're a lady who has the manners not to talk smack about someone's parenting skills in front of them.
Hold your head up high and be proud.

LOL. I needed that!

Thanks everyone!

Elsa1984 · April 2013

I would ignore them. When I was a nanny of four, I was a hardcore schedule person....but those four kids loved it. My plan was to be the same with Gator, but after awhile, we realized she was miserable on a schedule and was more of a "on the fly" type of person. She is not phased sleeping wherever, having days without naps, having other days with three naps, etc. She is just the type of kid that is much happier not being on a schedule. I don't side eye anyone that has a kid that thrives on a schedule, but I get a lot of side eyes from people because my kid thrives on no schedule. Gator is not a banshee that runs wild and crazy because she isn't on a schedule, she is very calm and relaxed.

Just keep doing what works for you and your family. They might think it's nuts, but what they do...you probably think is nuts.....

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