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May 2012 Moms
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I know I should feel insulted but...

MelissaMisoMelissaMiso member
in May 2012 Moms

I guess this kind of bothers me. Let me preface this with, I know their intentions are good and I truly do have a great relationship with them but... My inlaws have offered to let us use their house for Phia's birthday party bc our house is "too small." Thing is, our house is pretty much the same size as theirs! (they just have a small basement and a third bedroom...neither of which are spaces they can use for entertaining). It just really bothers me bc it comes across as "you don't have enough to provide things for your daughter."

I know this is my own internal "stuff" but it really shines a light on the fact that we don't have much (I had a long bout of unemployment and now my hubby's hours are getting cut) and we've had some bad luck in this house during the relatively short time we've owned it (house was burglarized when we first got pregnant, then we were flooded during Hurricane Sandy). Add to that my guilt about working both a full time and a part time job to try to make ends meet which means I am not home with the baby enough. 

I know their offer is well intentioned but this is MY daughter and her first birthday. Call it pride but I want to throw her the party.

Thanks for letting me vent.


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Re: I know I should feel insulted but...

  • littleredfishlittleredfish member

    I'm sorry you feel that way, but I think everybody does at some point. DH and I are both working 2 jobs now to try to get our school/car debts paid off because it feels like we're only ever breaking even, not able to do extra fun stuff with DD that we want to. That means not only do I not get to spend as much time with her as I'd like, but I constantly feel like we're coming up short.

    Also on the birthday thing, my MIL basically wanted to take over DDs birthday too. She does have a far larger hosue than we do but that was kind of why I felt hurt I guess. She wanted us to drive the 4 hours to her place so she could have DDs birthday there. Granted all the family is down that direction, but she wanted to make the cake, buy the decorations and was running themes by me. It got to the point I was just like "thanks, but no thanks" her birthday will be here in our town. Our friends are here, her friends are here, my mother and sister already said they'd drive up so if she wants to participate she can drive here too and the party will be done my way. It will be on a far smaller scale than she was planning, but it will be done my way. I just didn't like that she made it seem like her way was the better way to give DD the best birthday. It's easy to get sensitive about those things.

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  • najzomaxnajzomax member

    I definitely understand how you feel. It's great that people want to help but it also highlights everything we can't do but want to.

    you can always say no thank you (politely) and have it at your house anyway. We don't have a ton of space either so we are probably having Em's at the park. Lots of room for kids to play, picnic tables to eat at, and no cost for the space! Maybe you can find something like that in your area? 

    Our plan B is to have it in our too small townhouse if it rains so I definitely understand not having enough space.

    also, I would just like to say, try to feel proud of everything you are doing to give your daughter what she needs. Being gone that much must be SOOOO hard for you! I'm not sure i would have the courage to do what you do.

     Hugs! 

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  • k4slr6k4slr6 member
    Have it at your house and if they don't like it then that is too bad.  Our house is going to be FULL.  But we are cleaning out the garage so everyone can eat out there and if it is a nice day we will do gifts out there too.  Otherwise all 30 ppl will squish into our house and make it work.  Luckily she was born in May otherwise we would have to do it at MIL or my parents house or rent somewhere.  And I don't know how you guys that have more than one job do it.  I am exhausted by the end of 1 work day.  Keep your heads up.  You are doing what is best for your family. 
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