Friends of the opposite sex...

slv0606 · April 2013

Do you have them? How does DH/SO handle this? Does DH/SO have friends of the opposite sex and what are your thoughts if so? Honestly.

lancyjo · April 2013

I have a few guy friends. Actually, truthfully, I have more guy friends than chick friends. (aside from the 99 members of the 212 FB group!) I've always been friends with these guys, and always will be. They're the people I hung out with in school because I thought most of the girls were stupid. We have a total brother-sister relationship.

Hubs doesn't care that I have guy friends. I had them before I even met hubs, and he's too laid back to be jealous. Actually, he's stolen a couple of them from me for COD and golf.

Hubs doesn't have female friends, really, besides the wives and girlfriends of his friends. If hubs had came into our relationship with female friends, I would have been fine with it. Now though, since I know he doesn't, I would be seriously concerned if he suddenly got a "close female friend".

mkarns · April 2013

One of my best friends is a guy. We were friends before I met DH, so he has been around through dating, engagement, marriage, and the birth of our child. DH knows he nothing to worry about.

suitern · April 2013

Nope. Neither of us have them any longer. DH was a "friend" for a LONG time. He wavered along the friend/something more line for years until we finally both ended up single at the same time and hooked up...and now here we are married with a baby. So no, I don't think friends of an opposite sex are appropriate at this age. The only exception would be unless it is a mutual couple friend in which you are both friends with each person.

jldubb0626 · April 2013

Not anymore. No real reason why, we've all just kind of parted ways.

Our group of mutual friends consist of more guys than girls so if I'm out with a mutual guy friend - it's NBD. But it would be an issue if all of a sudden DH or I got a new friend and started hanging out without the opposite person.

2chatter · April 2013

DH has one female friend who was his best friend in HS. They have drifted some since then, but.... When she was going through a divorce while DH and I were dating, and she had never ever met me, DH took me to lunch to meet her. She knew I would be there. She brought a giant, framed photo collage of she and DH together. She highlighted for me the picture of the two of them waking up after sleeping in the same bed. "Don't we look cute!? Look, we slept together." It was super weird. It was this who alpha female, batting eyelashes vibe that made me really uncomfortable.

I have asked that he not spend one on one time with this woman. He has no other close female friends, and normally, I would not be concerned. But that was way creepy of her.

sapphirebride06 · April 2013

My best friend for almost twenty years was a guy and we were very close we slept in the same bed if we went to parties and stuff but we never felt like anything other than brother and sister so it was never weird.

He moved for college and we drifted apart and while I keep I contact with his family via Facebook he and I do not talk much. I saw him in the grocery store when he surprised his mom after being gone for five years and h was with me and I cried and hugged him so hard and so many times but h knew our history so it wasnt an issue but I was hurt he hadnt tried to see me so I knew it was time to let the friendship go.

H would not have been comfortable anyway so it is probably better but not because of trust issues just because we both believe your spouse should be that person for you.

He didn't have any girls that were friends except through me so it wasn't somethingbwe had to deal with.

mkaultman29 · April 2013

I have been through this. I think the best rule of thumb is if you were friends with the guy before, it's fine. And same thing with your hubby. But relationships that develop after marriage are not ok unless it is a group dinner party kind of friendship.

bethanyturon · April 2013

Yes and no. I basically keep friends forever... But since we moved recently, I don't really have any friends in the general definition of the word, meaning people I would go hang out with socially. But honestly this really isn't a big deal to me, I feel that we are very happy and content and balanced for the time being, and friends will come. In the bigger picture, though, I found that, even at the last place I lived, the friends I had before I was married and had a child ended up drifting away just because we were in different mindsets and at different points in our lives...

MollySm · April 2013

All of our friends together are couple friends. So guys and girls, but always in couples. I'm just as much friends with the guy halves of the couples as the girls, but I don't know any single guys.

H goes to school, so he's around people who are younger than us, and a bunch of them are single. So he has single girl friends. I've met them all, they all think Lucia is just the cutest thing, it doesn't bother me. He's always gotten along well with women (not in a weird flirty way, they just really like to talk to him), so I knew that going into our relationship. I can see it with his friends from before he met me - even if he started as friends with the guys, he clearly developed a close relationship with all their wives where they actually talk about things. You could see it just watching them all hang out. I think it's good.

goldenleaves · April 2013

We don't have friends of the opposite see that we spend time alone with. The exception would be DHs former coworker, who I called his work wife. I wouldn't mind at all if they got together once in a while, they saw each other daily for 4 years until recently! But DH doesn't feel comfortable with it.

hizah05 · April 2013

I do. One of my best guy friends is from high school, we never see each other but we randomly text if we have a question or exciting news. DH doesn't care. Any guy friends I have from around here were people I worked with and DH ended up becoming better friends with them than I did once I introduced them! And I ended up becoming friends with their wives so most of our friends are couples now.DH doesn't have any friends that are girls that he talks to. Unless it's like a FB friend but that doesn't really count.

btartaroind · April 2013

I agree with suitern for the most part. I don't think it's appropriate for people of the opposite sex to hang out alone socially. It's a respect thing. I do think they can be friends though. I have a good friend who is a guy and we hang out but I always have DH come or invite him over the house with DH there. If the friend doesn't have feelings for the person, it should never be an issue!

pennyandandy · April 2013

I had a few very good friends, best friends even, that were male, but we have grown apart. I think they were always kind of a stand in SO, even though we were never dating or anything. After I met dh, it just seemed like I needed them less. Plus, I now live at least 3 hours from most of them, and that is a factor. What I'm trying to say is, after dh and I got serious, our friendship changed and I knew it wouldn't ever be the same.

slv0606 · April 2013

Through school for me I had two close guy friends, we are still in touch now. They were both at my wedding and both totally love my H. One of the two of them actually married one of my best girl friends and it is awesome, they just had a little boy of their own, I love it! H considers these guys friends as much as I do and ironically he played youth sports with one of them...small world!

H doesn't really have any close female friends now. He was very close with is high school girlfriend for a long time and I knew this going into our relationship. She has always been super sweet to and has even helped H shop for me. There was a point when their friendship got a little weird and I told H it made me uncomfortable. Her bf at the time was in the service and she had suspicions of him cheating on her, she relied on H to comfort her and to be there for her. My thoughts were absolutely be there to listen to her and give if advice but absolutely no comforting thats what I have him for. They've since drifted still keep in touch via facebook and she actually is now married to that bf with two children.

If H were to surprise with a new female friend I would certainly question that friendship. I am sure if I suddenly had a new male friend he too would wonder. I think we are confident enough in our marriage though that this wouldn't happen.

SY Smiles · April 2013

My best, best friend is a guy. I actually brought him along the first couple of times I hung out with DH because I wanted to make sure he wasn't a weirdo. They hit it off right from the start and are still really good friends seven years later. He even stood in DH's line at our wedding. DH is not the jealous type, so that helps.

He has a really good friend from school that is female. I had some major jealousy issues in the beginning with her. She is GORGEOUS and has absolutely no boundaries. Before DH and I met, she used to just walk around his parent's house in a bra and panties (they all claim she is like a daughter to them, but it is still f-ing weird to me.)

After we'd been dating for a while, I found out that they were going out on his lunch breaks while I was sitting at home. There was nothing going on and I knew that, but I was still mad he was choosing to spend time with her over me. He says it is just because his worksite was right outside of her office (he was doing construction management at the time.) We got in a huge argument about it, and since then he's been way more appropriate. He doesn't see her often anymore, and if he does, I'm always invited. The same rule goes for me spending time with my friend. We haven't had issues in years.

aracelyluna · April 2013

mkaultman29:
I have been through this. I think the best rule of thumb is if you were friends with the guy before, it's fine. And same thing with your hubby. But relationships that develop after marriage are not ok unless it is a group dinner party kind of friendship.

I pretty much agree with this. My best friend is a guy. We have been friends since high school a d DH has no problem with him. And well he just came out so there is that. DH has a chick friend but we are really close now. She lives in another state with her hubby but we see each other pretty often. Usually when we see each other we all go together. But if he made some random friend now I would not be comfortable with it. I don't care about women he works with and maybe has to have lunch/dinner with for work though.

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