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May 2013 Moms
stkmw02
member
...but you have tattoos!
stkmw02
member
*Warning: some info. might be scary/unpleasant for expectant moms.
I need to vent. I just got off the phone with a friend from college. She called to see if I've had my LO yet, and to tell me she is now pregnant and working on her birth plan... would I help her? Of course!
Her: When are you getting an epidural?
Me: I'm going to try to avoid that, if I can.
Her: Why? I mean, if you have the choice not to feel all that pain.
Me: I don't mind feeling the pain... and it isn't like I have a problem with people who choose epidurals. It's just, ever since I had a bad experience with a spinal tap and ended up paralyzed, I try to stay away from needles entering my spine.
(I laughed a little here... This friend visited me in the hospital while I was temporarily paralyzed. She was with me during my recovery. I figured she would get it, since she helped me joke through the whole experience.)
Her: Oh. But a spinal tap is completely different from an epidural.
Me: It's close enough for me.
Her: But you have tattoos.
Me: What?
Her: You have a tattoo on your back. That's a needle going into your back too, but you chose to get that.
I tried really hard to explain that a long needle puncturing your spinal chord to remove fluid and a long needle injecting fluid around your spinal chord are not similar to the needles of a tattoo gun that do not completely pierce through all layers of your skin.
She kept insinuating that I was judging her for wanting an epidural and was a hypocrite for having a tattoo on my back. No matter how many times I said I had nothing against epidurals for other people, it was just my personal experience and my personal fear of not being able to feel my legs, she continued to make me feel like sh!t by saying it was "unfair" of me to judge her. She ended our conversation by saying, "I hope you're in so much pain you need an epidural. Better yet, I hope you need a c-section and have to get a spinal block!"
Wow. You're 12 weeks pregnant and the whole "epidural" and "labor pain" thing is only a check mark on your birth plan... I could seriously go into labor today and this is the wish you have for me.
All my whoremoans are making me cry about this even though I really want to be angry.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: ...but you have tattoos!
Wow. She sounds pleasant. I'm really sorry she said those things to you! She does sound kind of immature and unsympathetic to your previous experience AND the fact you're close to your due date. Awesome, friend.
I also had to have a needle in my back for an extruded L5 disk. They called it an epi but I was able to walk after, although very loopy. Had to lay butt up lol and watched the tv screen as they did the contrast and other injection. Not pleasant.
I hope your friend comes around and realizes how insensitive she was being. Try not to let her get to you. She's obviously comparing apples to oranges and her argument doesn't make sense!
Anyone who would wish a c-section on a person is a petty, selfish little brat. Not just that, but she's wishing an emergency c-section on you, which would almost certainly imply an emergency situation with the baby. I would not consider this person to be a "friend." Friends don't say things like that. You're so close to delivery, and these are very real fears for you. It was just an awful, awful thing to say.
Wow.
I have one tattoo. And while it hurt, I'm OK with the epidural.
I'm glad you stuck by your reasons for not wanting one, and also that you were supportive of her. She clearly has no clue the difference between penetration on the needles.
If the conversation were in person I would have offered a demonstration. A small poke in the arm with my finger represents the tattoo. Then a punch in the arm is the epidural. Class dismissed.
BFP#1 "Watermelon" born 3/2011
BFP#2 "Pumpkin" 7/14/12 ~ EDD 3/23/13 ~ Natural M/C 8/3/12 @ 7 weeks
BFP#3 "Pineapple" born 4/2013
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BFP #2 9/5/2012 -- Born 5/20/2013 -- Welcome, rainbow baby!
BFP #1 1/24/12 -- No HB 2/16/12 -- Misoprostol 3/10/12
Thanks. It hurts to lose this friend, but I can never think of her as a friend again.
I have such an incredible fear of the epidural/spinal block... she was there when I ended up in a wheelchair for months, I can't believe she could say something so hurtful. Ugh.
I get the same reaction when I say that I'm going to try my best not to get the epidural. They automatically think, "Oh she must be afraid of needles". Even though I have 7 piercings in my face alone.
No it's just that is what I'd like to choose for myself. If I so happen to change my mind while I'm in labor, then so be it.
Sounds to me your friend just wants you to completely agree with whatever she wants.
Except I AM afraid of the needle. An epidural is not an option for me at all, and the only reason I would be brave enough for the spinal block instead of being knocked out if I need a c-section is because my OB said the spinal block is less dangerous for the baby.
This might be too much for some people to read...
but I had a lumbar puncture that was inconclusive, so they did a second near the same entry site. They immediately sent me for an MRI, even though I later learned I was supposed to stay flat on my back. Whether that was the cause or not, I ended up leaking spinal fluid and losing feeling in my legs. I was in a wheelchair for months and spent many more months recovering. This "friend" was there through all of it. She knows that I am terrified of having another needle in my spine. The idea of not feeling my legs again makes me panic... and even though I know rationally that the odds of something going wrong to paralyze me are slim to none, I still can't get past it. I'm already so worried that if I need the spinal block, I'm going to have an anxiety attack... I can't even think about how that might make the emergency c-section even more dangerous.
That's why I typically stay out of the whole epidural vs no epidural debates... because my situation is different. I just hate that someone who was THERE for my pain would not only wish me to go anything like that again, but also wish for my baby to be in danger. The whole thing is making me sick.
Thanks everyone! I'm just going to forget about her and focus on all you awesome May Moms instead. Time to check out that eye candy again...
What everyone else said, plus who makes a birth plan at 12 weeks? And, what did she want your help for if she already knows what she wants?
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Some people are so heartless and self centered. Hang in there momma. I agree with you cutting her out. Just remember with a sweet smile the Karma is a B$&@# and she will ultimately have it bite her in the .
Hang in there...cry your eyes out because guess what you are a super mommy who is already making great decisions for yourself, baby, and labor.
My heart goes out to you that your friend was so insensitive at such a sensitive time. You are completely justified in whatever you are feeling around this - she was way beyond completely out of line. It's hard to tell if she is just ignorant, self-centered, hormonally wacked, or all of the above...but try not to let it get to you. She couldn't possibly have meant such horrible things - she's probably confused and insecure (which in no way justifies such horrible behavior) - but it was so not about you! And you did the best you could with an impossible situation (trying to reason with her.) Definitely best to move on...
Wishing you a smooth, uncomplicated needle-free delivery of your healthy baby!!
I have tattoos and I am also really afraid of IVs, shots, and blood draws. My husband also has tattoos and he agrees with my decision to not get an epidural. So that argument from your "friend" is totally ridiculous for many, many reasons.
I'm sorry your friend is being such a twat. That really sucks. I have a few friends who I quickly realized I can't talk about pregnancy, labor, birth, or raising children with. People get so touchy about their ideas. But your friend took it to a whole other level with her comments!
First comes love, next comes marriage, then comes...
That is just so truly, terribly awful for your friend to even THINK, let alone say to you. Your decision is coming from an extraordinary circumstance, I certainly wouldn't let anyone come near my spine with a needle either! How could she not understand that.
I wouldn't be too apt to talk to her again, that's for sure.
I definitely hope you have a smooth, epidural and c-section free birth. The less stress you have, the better for you and baby.
FWIW, I also had a friend freak out about my decision to not have an epidural, though my decision stems from wanting to have some control over my body (the idea of not being able to get up and walk around in labor just weirds me out). She didn't necessarily wish me pain or to have an emergency c-section, but she DID say "I will bet you that you end up having an epidural and a c-section. You're setting yourself up for failure. You're not super woman, don't be stupid and in pain when you don't have to be" She also chastised me for not taking any medications (that my OB didn't prescribe for me to take for pregnancy related reasons) too. Needless to say, this friend and I don't talk a whole lot, and when we do we don't talk about pregnancy or labor (she's pregnant as well)
First M/C - March 2006, pregnancy not known about.
BFP#1 03/17/12 DD 11/09/12 Missed MC 05/14/12 (No growth past 9wk1d) D&C 05/22/12
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