My DD is mean and unruly

AnabelsMama · April 2013

My DD is 31 months old and she's mean and stubborn and unruly. Not all the time, but enough to drive my parents (who watch her during the day), my husband, and me crazy. I know part of it is the age, but I need some help with discipline techniques. In simple terms, we've tried:

1. reasoning

2. bribing

3. taking things away

4. different kinds of time outs (alone, together with my husband or me, etc.)

What else works?

And don't even get me started on potty training. Makes me want to cry just thinking about it.

Thanks.

mommymegan831 · April 2013

sometimes I just have to ignore her. She'll scream and cry for a while and after awhile I'll go over to comfort her and she'll usually go along with what ever we had needed her to do. I also kind of lie/mess with her with alot of things. She can't open the windows in the car because bugs will get in, if I need her to leave a place I'll tell her the man is coming to yell at her or if I don't want her to tough somethings I'll tell her there's a bug in it.

pitterpatter129 · April 2013

How long have you tried the things you listed? Pick something, like time-out, and stick with it long-term (months.) I saw this token system on pinterest that supposedly works well with the strong willed kid too. Whatever you do, be consistent - every single time, every single day no matter where you are. If you are constantly changing it up, she doesn't understand your expectations.

Token chart - there is a less involved one for 2 yr olds in the link she has to ones other people made.

https://lifesprinkledwithglitter.blogspot.com/2012/03/coin-chart-behavioral-finance-chart-for.html

D&HMom · April 2013

read 1,2,3 Magic and then follow it consistently. Never go back on what you have said (even if you regret it). Ensure everyone looking after her has read it and follows it. works like a charm!

AnabelsMama · April 2013

THANKS LADIES!!! My husband and I are pretty consistent and willing to stick with methods--it's getting my parents on board that's the problem, but they have had it so are probably more willing to discipline now.

I'll definitely look into the token system--I hadn't heard of that.

sschwege · April 2013

I guess you could say our parenting technique is inspired by "Parenting With Love and Logic". I say inspired because we don't strictly follow it; it's a little too extreme for us. But basically we do a lot with choices. Sometimes it's silly little things like, "Which shoe do you want to put on first?" other times it's more serious, for example today she didn't want to leave the park, her choice was, "Walk to the stroller or mama will carry you" if they don't respond in 10 seconds you make the choice for them. We have found that giving choices makes DD feel like she has a more control over situations. And if you really think about it you can turn pretty much anything into a choice.

We also do some things with natural and logical consequences. The example that always stands out in my mind was one day DD was balancing on a ball while holding on to an end table. I was watching her thinking, "This can only end one way" but I didn't say a word. She ended up with a bruised chin, but you know how many times she has done that since? Zero, thank you natural consequences. Logical consequences would be like if she was banging a train on the table, I told her to stop, she doesn't, she looses the train.

Thus far we have only used time-outs for hitting or pushing.

I highly recommend choices, it really works wonders!

Oh and maybe you should take a break from potty training, sounds like it's turned into a power struggle and one that you can't possibly win! Pick your battles.

chardonnay24 · April 2013

What types of behaviors are you looking to improve?

We do a combo of a lot of things. Timeout for serious things like hitting, pushing, jumping on people, or not listening in a potentially dangerous situation. We try to set him up for success by offering choices and making sure his environment is one that is friendly to him. Natural consequences work well, too. If he throws his food, he's done with the meal. If he throws a toy, he loses the toy. If he runs in library storytime, he gets one warning and then we leave storytime.

MissLippy08 · April 2013

We are going through the same phase with my DD (also named Anabelle, coincidentally

). I have had a lot of success with making her think she has an option when she really doesn't. I'll give her two choices to do exactly what I want her to do. "Do you want to put your shoes on or do you want mommy to do it?" Either way, she's getting her shoes on, but it makes her feel like SHE is choosing to do it. I've also been telling her I can't understand her if she's having a tantrum and then ignoring her until she calms down and is able to verbalize what the problem is. Good luck!

keags5496 · April 2013

There's great suggestions here for you. We also do choices..:just always stacked in our direction. We also do timeouts and will count to 3 which would lead to a timeout if I got to 3. Being consistent is the biggest thing and making sure you always do what you say. Choose your battles wisely!

kaswanson · April 2013

We are doing the Love & Logic for toddlers. It's awesome! I would totally recommend it.

rjeller32 · April 2013

I have struggled with this for the past few months, and time outs are starting to stick with our DD, I think only because I have been so consistent on them. Agree with PP to stick with one form of discipline. Maybe this will make you feel a little better though. You are not alone with a mean/unruly DD!

spokenfor1583 · April 2013

We also do timeouts mostly for hitting. My DS is on steroids due to a kidney condition he has and the steroids just make his tantrums and everything else worse, plus he is more irritable. I try to give him choices as well and discipline him for things like hitting. For my DH and I we have to pick our battles these days with him. We were advised by his Dr's that if it isn't a big thing to not make a big deal out of it due to his medication. It makes things challenging but I agree that being consistent is a great thing!

ambrvan · April 2013

Just a lurker here, but my DS is 3yr4mo. We have been feeling SOOOO overwhelmed by his behavior the last several months. And so much of the time it feels like we are alone in this and that everyone else's kid is just perfectly well behaved. Seeing the rest of you willing to say "mean and unruly" when describing your children really makes me feel so much better. I love my DS to bits, but sometimes he is just downright "mean and unruly." His behavior can embarrass me to the point of just wanting to keep him at home all the time which definitely does not help anyone.

dande2129 · May 2013

Your DD is my DS's soulmate.

I have no advice because I'm still trying to navigate this phase.

OutOfStep81 · May 2013

MissLippy08:
We are going through the same phase with my DD (also named Anabelle, coincidentally ). I have had a lot of success with making her think she has an option when she really doesn't. I'll give her two choices to do exactly what I want her to do. "Do you want to put your shoes on or do you want mommy to do it?" Either way, she's getting her shoes on, but it makes her feel like SHE is choosing to do it. I've also been telling her I can't understand her if she's having a tantrum and then ignoring her until she calms down and is able to verbalize what the problem is. Good luck!

This has worked well with my LO. He's still pushing limits and testing the same boundaries (every day it seems), but when he's in the middle of crying and screaming if we tell him we can't understand him he'll immediately calm down and try to talk to us.

Honestly, this age is one of pushing. Doesn't matter how consistent you are LO is still going to test to see if the rule still applies. There are days when my SO and I feel like pulling our hair out. From everything I've read consistentcy will eventually win out and they'll settle in.

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