XP: My week so far

QuigleyCat1 · April 2013

Monday was such a beautiful day, weather wise. I took DS#1 and baby boy to a local park on our lake. We walked around and fed the ducks and I took lots of pictures. DS absolutely loved it there and it was his first time feeding ducks. He had a blast and also wanted to climb ALL the stones steps on that side of the park...And there are A LOT! lol I hope baby boy could hear is big brother's laughter and excitement because aside from wanting to do these things with DS#1, my hope was that baby boy was able to "enjoy" being a part of that day.

Tuesday was nice weather too. I decided I needed that day to myself so I dropped DS off with my mom and headed out about 45 minutes from home to do some shopping. I needed a bra for my bridesmaids dress. We're all in my brother's wedding on May 11th. So I found what I needed then headed back to a local beach where we live. I found a picnic table all to myself so I could read the letter I wrote to Liam. This is our baby boy's name that we chose. DH was a little hesitant on giving a name, but I write in a journal of sorts when I need to and had him read a page that I wrote about the name Liam while I tucked DS in one night. When I came out, I wasn't sure what to expect from DH but he said that it made him cry all over again and that it was okay with him. Thank goodness...our little boy deserves a name. Back to the letter...so I read it aloud at the beach. It was hard but I got through it and also found a teeny tiny pinecone that was only half open. I instinctively picked it up and kept it. Only being half-opened holds a lot of meaning for me right now. And as the days go on, it's been opening a tad more. I'm waiting to see if it's fully open by Saturday.

After I read the letter I returned it and the pinecone to my car and walked down to the beach. My goal that day was to get a nice large piece of driftwood. I found the perfect piece! But it was too heavy for me to carry on my own. I immediately felt sad because it was the perfect piece. After staring at it and trying to drag it, I finally decided to carve his name into it with my key and took pictures. I also got pretty stones from the shoreline and spelled his name out in the sand and took pictures of that too. I was telling my parents about the driftwood last night and my dad says, "Well let's go now to get it." Mind you, it was in the 30's and raining. I said no, we can't go now. My dad is man of few words but has a heart like no other!

Wednesday I dropped DS off at mom's again so I could get my hair highlighted. I really like it a lot and have wanted to get it done for awhile now. The girl who did it has an 11week old at home. It wasn't hard to be happy for her for me. We talked about DS#1 but she never asked about more children and I never mentioned what I was going through. So it turned out to be a nice few hours that felt "half-way" normal. That day DH said he wasn't feeling well so stayed home.

This morning DH was still in bed instead of getting ready for work. I asked him if he still wasn't feeling well. "No, I'm ok. I just want to be with you and DS for the rest of the week." Crying This man is incredible, I'm telling you! He originally was just taking next week off because I'm sure I'll need him then. I love him so much.

I took some pictures of myself last night and got a couple that turned out ok. One or two with an u/s picture too. So far, I've done a lot of what I wanted to do this week. But as Saturday gets closer I find myself getting more irritated and frustrated and sometimes just angry but mostly sad about what's coming. I know it's all natural but I'm still "waiting to wake up from the nightmare" if that makes sense. Like there's still a tad of denial of the entire situation.

Just wanted to let you all know about my week and activities. And you're all SOOO sweet for even attempting to read these novels I've been writing! I'm sure I'll post once or twice more, but not sure how quickly I'll be able to update after Saturday. I'd like to be able to update that day but truth is I have no idea what i'll be feeling. Thankful HUGS to each and everyone of you!

Ladiebug710 · April 2013

I am glad that you are really taking some time to make some wonderful memories. I can not even begin to imagine what you are going through, but I think you are incredibly strong. You and your family continue to be in my Ts&Ps.

KJsbabe · April 2013

Thank you for sharring with us. Liam is a beautiful name for your little boy. My T&Ps are with you this week.

Atleighdan · April 2013

Thank you for sharing your special week with us. I love the name Liam andI am glad you and DH were able to agree on this name for your little boy. We are paying for you and your whole family as Saturday gets here.

ksyknelvr73 · April 2013

Your DH and your parents sound so amazing. I'm so glad you are getting some of the memories and pictures that you wanted. I just wish I could give you a big hug.

Mmm79 · April 2013

Thank you for sharing. I think the ways you are honoring your son are beautiful.

((Hugs))

cmumama · April 2013

I'm glad this week has been going as you had hoped. Keeping you in my prayers. ((hugs))

ChloBub · April 2013

I am so glad to read these long updates, and I'm very happy to be able to pray for Liam by name now. I continue to visualize Nub planning a big welcoming party for Liam on Saturday with all of the other angel babies. (I think they hang out.) I'm sure he's

luvmyducks · April 2013

((hugs)) I'm so glad you are able to do these things for yourself and your boys.

orangegoggles · April 2013

Your boys are both so lucky to have you as a mother. I continue to pray for your family. It sounds like you are making some special memories, ::hugs::

bluebonnetmeg · April 2013

ChloBub:
I am so glad to read these long updates, and I'm very happy to be able to pray for Liam by name now. I continue to

Aubs0009 · April 2013

Thank you for sharing, it sounds like you have had a beautiful week with Liam so far. ((huge hugs))

Petunia844 · April 2013

I'm so glad you have this time to be with Liam and say your goodbyes. My experience was different because Peyton was gone with no warning, but I can tell you the anger and the waiting to wake up is completely normal. It will last for a long ti

MJM3108 · April 2013

I love that you have given your sweet boy the name Liam. You are so incredibly strong and such an amazing mama. I will continue to hold you all in prayer. (((HUGS)))

spincat9 · April 2013

What beautiful memories you are creating to help you remember your little boy Liam. Bless you and your family. It's wonderful to hear that you have a supportive loving husband going through this with you.

VeilSdeGTO · April 2013

I'm glad you have the time to spend with Liam and create such wonderful memories. Your DH is amazing and it is clear how loved Liam is.

I hope the rest of your week goes well and I will be sending you all my T&P's on Saturday.

((

charmedgrl517 · April 2013

Big hugs, I'm thinking and praying for you and your family.

Firefly1220 · April 2013

Love the name Liam, and what a lovely few days. XOXO You guys continue to be in my T&P.

damabo80 · April 2013

It sounds like a lovely week you spent with both boys. I'm sure they both felt the happiness.

FmrAFBrat · April 2013

I cried when I read this.....I am so sorry you are losing your Liam. I'll be thinking of you & praying for you. I hope your time with Liam is sweet and you are able to have a special week. ((HUGS))

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